Adoption and Breastfeeding?

Question

NO NEGATIVE ANSWERS PLEASE...THIS IS A VERY EMOTIONAL TIME IN OUR LIFE'S AND DON'T NEED THE NEGATIVITY! THANK YOU...

We just found out we are going to adopt an infant girl. She will be born in about three weeks (due date anyway). We have been reading alot about how adoptive mothers can breastfeed there new babies. I was wondering if anyone has done this or knows how to do this. I have had three children of my own before that I have breastfeed. I was told it is easier to restart your milk if you have done this already. Any help with this would be much appreciated. Thanks.

Answer 1

The idea that a woman breastfeeding a child she didn't give birth to is gross or wrong is very much a modern and Western cultural construct, NOT a universal human truth. I think it has to do with the sexualization of perceptions of the breast, whereas in many other cultures the primary perception of the breast is still that of its role in feeding children.

Throughout history, women have breastfed children whose mothers died, were unable to care for them, or couldn't produce milk. There was not always infant formula, and someone else taking over the task of breastfeeding was seen as perfectly natural.

In some parts of the world even today, if a woman is tending the children of her friend and the friend's child gets hungry, the woman babysitting will breastfeed the child. Again, seen as totally natural.

I'm not saying you should ignore cultural perceptions, but they aren't the be-all and end-all of truth. Western culture is not the arbiter of what's universally right and wrong to do. How your children will eventually perceive this depends a lot on the attitude YOU convey.

I don't ever, ever suggest doing this without the biological mother's blessing, since it would be hurtful if she saw it as her role being usurped. But since it's what she wants, I do think that it's worth it for the many nutritional and immune benefits conveyed by breast milk.

I think that you should talk to a lactation consultant in your area who can give you specific suggestions tailored to your needs. (Your doctor or midwife should be able to provide contact information.) La Leche League also has a lot of good information.

There's one important thing to bear in mind, though. A child cannot be placed for adoption before birth; the biological mother still has every legal and moral right to change her mind. You need to consider what you will do if you induce lactation and the mother decides to parent. (I suggest pumping and banking it at a breast milk bank if that's possible to do in your area and if you can handle it emotionally.)

I really do think breast milk is nutritionally better for babies, and since you and the biological mother agree it's best, I don't think you should let a subjective cultural perception dictate what's right or wrong here.

Answer 2

Adult adoptee here that would have been really disappointed with both my mothers (first mum and adoptive mum) if they had gone through with this.

Just. Yuck.

Let her first mother feed her - or express milk for her.

That's the milk she really needs.

Adoptive parents breastfeeding is all too often about the adoptive parents and not much about the child - and what that child will feel when they grow up.

My personal opinion.

Answer 3

Im sorry but i dont really know much about this, but i would say go and have a talk with your doctor he may know.

And the main reason why i wanted to comment this question was because i'd just like to say thank you.. there are so many children out there that need warm and happy homes. I bet that you and your family will do a great job with this little girl. Good luck in the future.

  

Answer 4

Why, pray tell, if the mother wishes the child to be breastfed, can you not work out an arrangement with HER? Seems to be a waste of HER milk which was made especially for this child. You could (if you truly cared to) allow HER to breastfeed and pump milk for delivery to you for bottle feeding when she is not available.  

Answer 5

I think it is wonderful that you are even considering breastfeeding your adopted child! What a wonderful gift to give!

I would recommend taking some fenugreek tablets (as far as I know it is the main ingredient in Mother's Milk tea, but you could drink that too... can't hurt). Also, you should begin pumping regularly now to start stimulating your milk supply. The fenugreek will increase your supply more quickly. How long has it been since your youngest weaned??

This is definitely possible - I've even heard of adoptive mothers who have never nursed a child being able to produce enough milk to nurse their adopted children.

Just a warning - many doctors are not well trained when it comes to breastfeeding, and so yours might not have enough knowledge to support you through this. I would suggest contacting La Leche League for support (you can find them online, just look for a branch in your city). There should be information on their website about stimulating a milk supply for an adopted child, and you would also find contact information for La Leche League leaders and support groups.

Also, try looking on kellymom.com and Dr Jack Newman's site. You can email Dr Newman, and he will respond personally. Both of these sites are full of valuable information that will be sure to help you!

Good luck to you, and congratulations!!!

Answer 6

The Dr has a medication they can give you that encourages you to lactate.  I can't remember the name of the medicine but you can ask your Dr for it.  Since you have already done it before the chances of the medicine working are greater.  Good luck.  

Answer 7

Hmmm...  No negative answers?

I think it's a bad idea.  I'm sorry you don't want negativity, but as an adoptee, I would have been horrified if my a-mom had tried to breastfeed me.

You may not want to hear that, but since your adoptee will one day be old enough to express feelings about it,  you should consider it.

Answer 8

You're going to have to take drugs and yes your a-baby will have to ingest them as well.

You might want your husband to take the drugs as well because you'll never be able to produce enough milk for the child.

Artificial breast feeders have a-babies that are low in weight for their ages because they are being starved. Whoever told you that the child will bond with you is lying. Babies are not blank slates.

Why take the chance with having the baby develop health problems just for your need to make someone bond with you. These behaviors makes you wonder why Autism is on the rise and why 9 yrs. old are developing breast before puberty. Could it be these hormones being ingested.

There is nothing beneficially nutritious in drug induced breast milk. Read up on it yourself and not from the bogus claims made by la leche league.

Answer 9

I think its wonderful so congratulations!!!! I agree with the other posts you can get pills to help you to lactate.

For those of you who can not read... stop with the negativity towards this wonderful women who is doing an honorable thing for a child that otherwise may not have had such a wonderful loving family!!! If you cant read it was also the birth mothers only wish that she do this.

So sweetie I wish you & your growing family all the happiness in the world!!!

Answer 10

I don't know how to help you with this but as an ADULT ADOPTEE I thought I would say that I think it is wonderful that you are trying this.  I was breastfed by my mother and by my godmother (My mom's milk was drying up b/c my brother had quit a little bit before I was born, but my godsister was only 9 mos when I was born).  I think it is great that you are doing what you can to respect the birthmother's wishes.  So I thought I would give you thumbs up and let you know that not all adult adoptees are grossed out by the idea of breastfeeding.

Answer 11

gross..

sicko

Answer 12

I think it is a great idea and thought about doing it too. One of the reasons I didn't is that if the natural mother changes her mind, the breast milk is still there, and I thought that would be too depressing to deal with. I found some reasonable info on google at the time. From what i understand you just get a good pump and use it regularly. There are some medications you can take too, but those seem to get mixed reviews, so you might just want to see how you do with the pump.

Answer 13

If you have to take hormones to get the breast milk started, I wonder how long the hormones would be needed. If rhe hormones would be needed just a few days or weeks and then you would be producing milk naturally, it doesn't seem like it would be harmful to the child.  Once you got your milk going you could stop the hormones and none would be passed through to the milk.  You would have to start now before the baby is born to get it started, pumping and discarding the milk that may have the hormones in it.  

One thing I learned is there are some really opininated people on three goups on Yahoo!Answers:  the religious/non religious, the adoption section, and the breastfeeding group.  There are extremists in all three sections.  Look for the middle road.  Just be strong in your convictions balancing what you want to do and what is safe for the child.

BTW, i am an adult adoptee and i DON'T find this disgusting or gross.  Don't let the opinions of adoption extremists discourage you.

Answer 14

Look for mothers milk tea, fenugreek pills, and you doctor can also give you a prescription for reglan.

Get out your breast pump, if you have one, and start with 5 mins on each side several times a day, work it up to 10, 15 etc and you should start being able to get a little milk.

Don't feel bad if you can never produce enough to not have to supplement, but you're doing a wonderful thing for this baby, even trying.

Edited to add: Those of you who keep saying that it's unnatural, did you know that many years ago women hired wet nurses, women whose only job was to breastfeed other womens babies. And breastmilk is FAR more natural than formula, and this is coming from a mom of a formula fed baby. Just because you are antiadoption doesn't mean everyone is, or that her baby will grow up to hate adoption like you do.

Answer 15

Do NOT do it.  

Answer 16

I know alot of nipple stimulation can start the milk. Also tricking your  mind into thinking you really NEED to do that. Also putting the baby onto the breast even when you dont have milk yet works. Im sorry people are so mean. Im happy you are doing that and congraduations. God bless.  

Answer 17

Congratulations and best of luck. I have e-mailed you my detailed response with suggested websites. This question was asked before and got many many responses you may want to read.

ETA-Highly recommended for both child -mother for the bonding it creates. My favourite parenting advisor "what to expect...series" stronglly recommends it.

Answer 18

Eww

Answer 19

The infant you are going to adopt will not always be an infant.  I don't know that circumstances of your adoption, so I'll assume it's good (and ethical) to give you the benefit of the doubt.

I was once an "infant girl" and my adoptive parents were once exactly where you are -- waiting to adopt me.  Well, not "me" exactly, because it wasn't done that way in the 70s...but still.

I highly suggest that you DON'T try to breastfeed your adopted daughter.  I am an adult woman now.  I would be horrified to know if/that my adoptive mother had tried to breastfeed me.  I have never asked because I DON'T want to imagine it.  I did, however, walk in on her "trying" to breastfeed my younger (also adopted) sister.  I was not able to look at my mother for many days.  It was the most UNnatural thing I have ever experienced in my life.  And, like you, my mother had previously given birth to and nursed my older sister.  THAT did not horrify me (obviously I didn't see it, but I know about it) because that is what NATURE intended.  Nature does not intend for an adoptive mother to breastfeed.  If Nature did intend that, hormones/drugs/medicines would not be needed.  (Hormones/drugs/medicines that could be passed through the artificially-induced milk to the child.)

If you want the best for you child, please think of the child ONLY in this situation.  Love her, cuddle her, talk to her, nurture her...while you are feeding her WITHOUT unnatural chemicals.  She doesn't need your breastmilk.  Nursing an adopted child is not for the child, it's for the mother.  A good mother would/will place her child's needs and best-interest above her own.

ETA:  Yes, I'm aware of 'wet nurses'.  I am also aware that wet nurses were used for the CHILD'S sake, not the nurse's sake.  I am also aware that wet nurses were women who were concurrently nursing their own children, or had recently stopped doing so, so the milk was not artificially induced.  As I said, breastfeeding an adopted child is something the mother is doing FOR HERSELF, not her child.  It's also pretty sad that nobody (especially the OP) is interested in what an adopted person thinks of this -- as we are (I am) in the position her child WILL BE in 30+ years.  Not that her child will agree with my position...but that her child will be an ADULT ADOPTEE, as I am.

Answer 20

Congratulations on adopting. I have no experience in this but I can suggest calling a lactation consultant and there is probably some hormone pills you can take to produce milk. Good luck! TRy some prenatal pills also

Answer 21

Dear God,

I just wanted to thank You that breastfeeding was not popular during the era in which I was adopted, so this was never a possibility.

If I ever found out I was nursed by my adoptive mother, it might just send me over the edge. That is too disturbing and disgusting.

Thank You,

Theresa

Answer 22

I don't have an answer for your questiuon, but just wanted to say that I think it is so wonderful that you are adopting. So many children in this world need good homes. I didn't know that adoptive mothers could breastfeed, but it sounds like a great idea. Congratulations.

Answer 23

Frankly the very thought gives me the willies. I would have been horrified if my daughters a-mom had tried this. I am aware that wet nurses were used in ages past, but what people forget is that they were used mostly when formula was not available (middle ages, dark ages, in other words back before formula was even thought of)  Using drugs to induce lactation is unnatural in my opinion, who knows what they can do to you and to the child? This child's mother wants the infant breastfed correct? Why not let her feed her child, with the milk that was made specifically for her child? What is more natural and better for the baby? I know you wanted no negative answers, but as has been stated this is highly charged subject. IF you really want what is best for this child, you should (if it is possible) arrange for the mother to feed her, either by allowing her to breastfeed herself or allowing her to express her milk and provide you with the bottles. From what I have read most women who try this do not produce enough milk to properly nurse the infant and have to supplement with formula, while most women who have given birth have exactly enough milk for their infant.

I am sorry if this is not the advice you were looking for, but it is honest advice, from a mother who has nursed three children successfully. Please consider letting this mother nurse her child1

Answer 24

Gross.  I was adopted by my grandma and I really don't want to think about her breast feeding me.

Answer 25

I know you ask for no negativity but seriously, this topic is highly controversial, emotionally charged and very sensitive.  

I myself, find the idea of it extremely offensive if not disgusting however I appreciate the fact you are genuinely asking and not looking for personal attacks.  

I would recommend if you are adopting, to bottle feed the baby.  Breastfeeding is a difficult task for any new mother and child and given the poor baby will already be traumatised by the fact she is going from her mother's safe womb to an alien environment to live with strangers, the last thing she will want to do is to be forced to take a stranger's breast.  This is not a personal attack but please look at this from the baby's perspective and not your own.  It would be nice for YOU to breastfeed, not the baby who already knows her own mother's smell, voice and heartbeat, not yours.