Adoption and foster care?

Question

I am all for fostercare adoption, but I am also for infant adoption too. I personally think that if no babies are adopted, then they will end up in foster too. Doesnt that make things a vicious circle?

Do you think its right to assume infants are more popular because they come with "no issues"? I think as adoptees, we all know that isnt true.

Do you think agencies should encourage foster adoptions more?

I would say that no matter what age, foster or newborn, every child deserves a chance. So why are people so negative with PAPs who want to adopt babies?

Adoption is adoption right?

Answer 1

Well, its a valid assumption. If you are bringing a foster child into your home, its easier if the child is a baby. You can teach the child your values and not have to unlearn certain behaviors. The older the child is, the more I'd be concerned about my other children. Some foster kids have emotional/physical trauma that I'd have to be very careful with so it didn't overly effect my kids. What if the foster child is randomly violent, or curses for no reason, or was sexually abused and displays that? I agree that all ages deserve a chance, but I'd be very carefdul about the child I brought into my home. I'd want a positive experience for everyone, not my own children worried because the foster kid had to be watched like a hawk so they didn't hurt/abuse my kids.

Answer 2

I'd be willing to bet that a huge number of mom's who surrender their children to adoption do so for one of these reasons:

money

no father in the picture

"my child deserves..."

Of those reasons, not ONE cannot be overcome, and ALL of the above are just ways that our society tells these women they're "not good enough" to raise their own children.  There are programs to get her the money she needs to get started.  They don't NEED a father in the picture in order to be good mom's, and many people who adopt divorce anyway.  And the "my child deserves..." reason...well, this is a temporary situation that does NOT need a permanent answer.  If your child deserves it, then go out and get it!  I know people who struggled during their kids' younger years to get a degree, and now they are able to give their children EVERYTHING they deserve.  The child should not have to suffer, being separated from his/her mother, because of a temporary situation.  Not to mention the mom, who probably isn't aware of how much it's going to hurt to be separated from her baby!

These are NOT the same children that end up in foster care.  A mom who gives up her child because her child deserves better is NOT a woman who is then going to abuse her child, if she decides to keep him/her.  That doesn't even make sense.

Infants ARE more popular because people assume that they come with no issues, although their issues can be just as severe as those in children from foster care.  A child separated from his/her mother is traumatized.  That trauma may not last beyond infancy, or it may lay dormant for years until the adoptee discovers "hey, THAT's why I feel this way", or they may feel it accutely their entire lives.  But most PAP's are not informed of the trauma that is caused by separating a mother and child, and so most people who do adopt infants ARE under the impression that their baby won't have issues.

Even if agencies should encourage foster adoptions, they won't.  They don't get any money from foster adoptions.  They get 20-30K for infant adoptions, and international adoptions.  Foster adoption doesn't pay.

One of the reasons I am "negative" with people who want to adopt babies is that they don't know what they're getting themselves into.  It's highly unlikely that they will be chosen to adopt a baby through an agency, since they are competing with 90 other PAP's for each new healthy, white infant born.  IF they are chosen, they tend to not be educated about the losses their child is experiencing.  And adoption should not be about adults fulfilling their own desires.  Children shouldn't come into this world with a job to do (i.e. fulfilling adults' desires).

No, adoption is not adoption.  Is it necessary?  Is it ethical?  Is this the BEST possible scenario for the child?  I can answer "yes" to all three of those questions in regards to adopting a child through foster care, as long as the PAP's are educated about their childrens' losses, and are willing and able to deal with anything their children need them for.  If a PAP isn't willing to deal with issues, they shouldn't be adopting in the first place.  Yes, the #1 most important thing is the CHILD finding the right home, the right family.  A family who only wants to fulfill their own desires is NOT the right family for ANY  child.

Answer 3

idk. I am a foster child, and 16 I am not sure why its like that....but it is. I wish most foster children could get adopted into a very good home, but its not that simple.

Answer 4

I was adpoted and have also been a foster parent so completely support all types.  Yes, ALL kids need a home, regardless of age.  I think what the issue here is that many people who can't have kids want to have that "infant" experience, not jump into adolescence.  I think that peole get upset when people who can and do have thier own children want to adopt the infants.  I am neutral, but think that is where the issue lies.  In other words, if you can give birth yourself, then "save" the infants for those who cannot.  But, you never know if they are the right famliy either...it all pulls at our heart-strings.

Answer 5

I agree.  If the first mother of the child does not want to parent her child, then that child needs a home and every child deserves one.

I think that it's important that every PAP take a hard, honest look at themselves and their lifestyle before making a decision on which adoption route to choose, based upon their ability to meet the needs of the child they wish to adopt. If someone does not feel they can meet the needs of a child with RAD, FAS and severe PTSD, then they should not adopt that child.  If they adopt and are unable to meet those needs, nobody wins.  

The idea is just not to find "a" home for a child, but the right one.