Adoption...child experiencing 'fear'...reaction.

Question

Hi. Our child was adopted through foster care. He has lived with his foster family since delivery and has been placed with us since march. While visiting the foster family before placement, I remember he expressed fear when their dogs came near him...hands covering the face, panic look, blinking repeatedly, often whining. We thought it might just be the dog. Now, 5 months later, he is doing these same reactions to our own dog--who is much smaller and not remotely aggressive--and he is doing it with us as well. Whenever we 'get on his level' to tell him 'no' or come towards him to remove an object he shouldn't be playing with, he reacts with fear. He is 1 1/2, so I don't know that this has anything to do specifically with adoption or what. He is not generally fearful or whiny, he only does this when anyone/anything comes near his face. He will hug us freely, but often when a child at his level tries to hug him, he will react with the same fear/uncomfortableness. We do not spank/hit him in any way...though we did, one time, pop his hand (once) when he repeatedly threw his food at the table. We don't want him to be fearful of us or anyone he knows. Any ideas or thoughts for how to help him to not be fearful. Thanks!

Answer 1

Hi TB,

Do you know if there was any incident at the foster home with regards to their dogs. Do they bark loudly? Did they ever nip him? Do you know what their method of discipline was? (Please know that I am not assuming they did anything wrong, I am just throwing out possible theories).

Hmmm, it's entirely possible that it's a phase associated with his young age and that he will outgrow it. Even when you get down on his level, you are still 3 times his size, and some people (even grown ups) are frightened by dogs, regardless of size or congeniality.

My daughter (3) is terrifed of butterflies yet has no fear at all of any sized dogs.

I understand your concern, at this age they simply can't tell us what they are specifically afraid of.

Answer 2

For his age this is not too uncommon.  He is most likely generalizing his fear to all things that look like dogs or are the same size as the dog. This phase normally passes and he will learn to tell the differences between big dogs, little dogs, and small children.  If you are truly concerned, you can always talk to you pediatrician.

Answer 3

It sounds like you might be thinking this could be some sort of reactive attachment disorder.  If it were me I would do some more searching on attachment disorders to rule it out.

Best of luck, and I think it is smart to be a bit concerned about this.