Adoption concerns and life woes?

Question

I'm in need of some serious advice.

I'm majoring in criminology. After college, I plan to go overseas and teach for 1-2 years. This will be my "break" before med school, where I want to become a forensic psychiatrist.

Now, I have always wanted to adopt children before having any of my own. This is mostly because I've always wanted to be a young mother, since I feel that it's easier to connect with your child when you're still quite young. However, by the time I get my MD, I'm undoubtedly going to be in my 30's. See the problem? Sure, I could still have kids earlier, but it wouldn't be fair to them to have a crazy mother trying to care for them while going through med school/residency.

Any advice? Having a family is important to me, but I want a strong career to be able to support them.

All of the above aside, I'm also worried about treating my adopted child(ren) differently when I have biological kids. I can't see myself doing it on purpose, but what if I did it subconsciously?

Answer 1

wow, first i am 40 in january, my children are 1   2   13   16   18  , why don't you worry about your studies right now, the rest will come when the time is right, it is nice to have goals and go for it but life happens, you cannot plan everything it just does not work that way, keep working towards your goals, worrying about how you are going to treat a child you do not even know is crazy,

Answer 2

Some potential adopters ask, as you have, if they will love or bond with an adopted child.

I find it rather curious that no one ever asks the converse, will the adopted child love and bond to the adopters?

Could you accept that your potential adopted child might not consider you his/her mother?

I was abandoned/adopted and my adopters were never my family. Family is blood, IMO, and in the opinion of many others.

Answer 3

older children need just as much attention as the younger ones do. remember that. they need to know they are loved and not there just as baby sitters i am not sure if you are worried about treating them differently then maybe take a step back and think. its not good if you would do this and its very carefully something to think about. if you think you owuld then don't adopt. it would hurt the child. be very careful cause rearing a child isn't easy no matter what age you get you have to look and think very slowly. take care.

Answer 4

Sounds to me that you are not ready to be a parent. It is full time. It doesn't sound like there is another adult their with you. SOme people find themselves alone, and that is a different story. If you are in school and single, how will you suppor this child?  If you think you would treat your adopted children differently, don't have biological children or have bio children and don't adopt.  With age comes maturity.  You aren't their yet.   Get finished or nearly finished with school first. You have lots of time.  And beleive me, it takes lots of time to be a mom..

Answer 5

I do not think it matters so much whether you give birth to kids or adopt them, and when in your life's journey you will do it.  

What matters IMO is whether you are able take care of them in a most altruistic way possible.  And I have doubts about your motivations as they stand now, because -- no offense -- your post strikes me as very selfish.  It's all about me, me, me, my career, my age, my health etc.  

Sure, you do talk about connecting with your children, but your career is definitely getting a priority, and everything revolves about the ways of making life more convenient for you.  A part of it is indeed careful planning which is admirable.  The other part betrays a desire to fit yourself and your life in some preconceived mold, in which everything is arranged, proper and perfect.

You omit the most important part IMO which is whether you are in a committed relationship at this time.  Family starts with two partners sharing life together.  I understand if an older person who has been around and seen things decides to skip that part.  But it is strange for a young person such as yourself to completely ignore this important part of creating a family -- that IMO signifies some kind of issues that need to be addressed before childrearing is even contemplated.  Otherwise you are bound to transfer whatever it is to your children, be they biological or adopted, which is guaranteed  to result in less than ideal parenting and family experience.

Answer 6

My first child whom I adopted on the 29th of October was a product of a mother who did not want him.  His biological father and I had been dating for about a year and were married in September.  Let me tell you you will not treat your adopted child any different than the biologicals. You yell at them the same, you spank them the same, you love them the same especially when they tell you "I love you" without you saying it first...    I really think that you wanting to be a young mother is irrational, because of this; you will be gone at schooll 95%of the day, and to me a mother is someone who is there for their children at least 75%.  Not including working mothers who have fathers at home or working single moms.  But if you are a married couple and your spouse is willing to spend most of his days at home or at the park fine, but kids really throw a loop into your days.  I went from a full time CNA to a stay at home mom with a part time job I do at home.  My son is constantly throwing in curveballs like getting sick, going to the ER, which happens alot for us...  Kids do not work well with our schedules, so if you are going to have one be prepared to miss days at school or work...

I would say get established in your career and make sure that you are emotionally ready for a child before you have or adopt one, because no matter how naughty they are you never want them to leave.

Answer 7

I think you should get married first.

I saw an Oprah show where families adopted orphaned

Liberian teenagers. It was so beautiful. But the cost

is enormous. One family adopted about six children.

The children said they prayed every night for a mother

AND a father.