Adoption do u agree (were already in one room)?

Question

I'm thinking about doing adoption. Im 22wks preg with a one year old and i think it's best, im only working part time my bf lost his job in nov. and he's a high school drop out. i live with a room mate with her four kids and all my bf and all they do is fight and they were friends even b4 i meet them both we use to all work together. I just really hate my life and i dont want to bring another baby into this world to suffer i was on birth control so i never meant for this to happen. My bf doesnt want me to do adoption he says i should had been got rid of him. he's real good with our 1st son but he's not trying to do anything with his life he wants to stay at home and watch the boys. what should i do i want whats best for my unborn son. Do my bf have a right to decide even if he's not helping me money wise(he is watching our son right now that r car is broke down cause im on the bus) and if i do go thought with this what is the best way to do adoption. im in IL

Answer 1

Tough call.

There are so many smart people here I'm sure you have a diverse group of answers.

Only you can decide if adoption is right for you.  But here are some things to consider.

You can have an open adoption.  Where you get letters and photos, emails, phone calls, or visits.  Once the adoptive parents finalize the adoption they can choose to cut you out.  It bothers me that its not enforcible.  I've racked my brain and this is what i've come up with.  Choose an adoptive family that already has one adopted child.  That way you can see from experience if they have up held their end of the verbal agreement to the open adoption terms with their other birth mother and family.

It is extremely hard to adopt a child without the father signing over his rights too.  An adoption agency could offer more legal advice on this. Give an agency a call.  I have heard of Adoption-link in IL that only deals with African American Adoptions.  Don't get pressured or guilted into adopting by the agencies.  Make sure this is a decision you make of your own free will.

There has to be some government aid you can get for your family.  Do some research there maybe there is someway you can financially improve your situation then you support bother children.  Stay at home parenting is not a luxury many people can afford these days.  Your BF should at least get a part time job opposite yours to bring some more money in for his kids.  I don't think anyone could say it as well as Tish!  lol

Best of luck to you and your family.  Do some research on both of your options and make an informed decision.  Take care.

Answer 2

hi...

although i can't tell you what to do (neither can anyone else) i will give you my opinion of your situation.

1) realize that adoption is a permanent decision.  that means that once it's done, it's difficult to undo it. in contrast, your poverty and hard times might be temporary. which means that in time, your situation will improve. yet you will not have your child.

2) you said you were using bcontrol.  might i ask which method? sometimes, bcontrol fails because the method isn't right for the woman. have you looked into another method of birth control after your pregnancy?  this is not to be preachy, but  you can be faced with this situation again, if you do not have the proper bcontrol method.  during this time, i would try to research all the bcontrol options so that you can find the one you feel works best for you. i personally recommend the nuvaring; or the iud if you are looking for long-term bcontrol.

3) there might be a hard conversation needed with your bfriend. although i think offering support to young, stuggling moms and babies is fine, i do have some concern when there are men involved who choose not to work or do anything constructive.

seriously, if my man came home and said, "hey tish, i think i'll just chill with the kids, and not work" his bags would be packed and his as$ would be chillin' on the concrete!

although i do think it's best if one parent stays home with the children many people simply can not afford this luxury. yet many can stay home with kids AND work. those who do work different shifts or get a job working from home. if he's not willing to do any of the above, that's problematic for me. you're pregnant, and i'm sure you are not feeling well.  also, you're catching the bus in illinois which is not the warmest place on the planet.  seriously, your man needs a reality check.  if he is willing to make babies, he needs to be willing to do what it takes to help take care of them.

4) i think you need to look at your whole situation. and evaluate whether or not it warrants giving away  your baby.

5) if you do decide to go through with this, realize a few things:

-not all babies are adopted.  minority and black babies are usually harder to place, unless there is a couple waiting.

-open adoption agreements are not legally enforceable.  that means that a couple can agree to let you see the child then change their mind.

-your partner will have to give up his parental rights. if not, the adoption can not legally take place.

-there are many sources of help out there besides giving up your child. you might need to investigate some of those before making your decision.

i wish you luck

Answer 3

dnt adopet it out keep it and give it the best life u can its not fair to separate siblings

Answer 4

You won't find many doctors that will do an abortion this late in a pregnancy anyway. If you can it's going to cost an arm and a leg. Please carry this little one to full term(you ARE almost there) and give it up for adoption.

Sounds like your boyfriend is a real loser. Not to be harsh but you'd be better off without him.

Answer 5

THERES SOMETHING CALLED THE DAY AFTER PILL AND U SHOULD ALSO KNOW NOT ALL PRODUCTS R 100% AND AS 4 UR B-F HE COULD TAKE U 2 COURT AND  MAKE U NOT HAVE AN ABORTION BUT SINCE HIS A LOW LIFE HE CANT CUZ THE JUDGE WILL SEE HE CANT AFFORD 2 TAKE CARE OF A BABY NEITHER HIMSELF WELL AS 4 ME IM AGAINST ABORTION I ONLY BELIEVE IF U GOT RAPE 2 HAVE ONE BUT THATS MY OPINION AND IF U HATE UR LIFE LEAVE UR LOW LIFE B-F AND FIND SOEMONE WHO WOULD CARE 4 U AND UR KIDS AND LOVE U DONT HAVE A ABORTIONA AND ALSO GET A NEW JOB MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF UR LIFE

Answer 6

Adoption is a long term answer to a short term problem.

As an adoptee - I say - fight for the rights of this child - and get your act together.

What's best for the child - for you - for the child's future siblings - is to be raised by the mother that is biologically connected to him/her.

If you BF can't get his act together - then you need to do it for you and your kids.

Adoption does not mean that the child will have a better life - and I know too many adoptees and first mothers that have regrets and huge losses from being separated.

Think long and hard.

For resources - check out Origins USA for ideas.

http://origins-usa.org/Default.aspx?page...

Answer 7

From experience.. you guys are going thru it right now but it may get better. We started out somewhat like that and I'm now 31 with 4 kids and we own our home and are finacially stable thank god. it was hard but we did it I'm sure you can too. just hang in there hun.. I will keep u in my prayers.

Answer 8

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/13301137/

these are parents looking for precios Babies

Answer 9

i think that yea adoption would be a good idea but u need to really really think about it. You are truly not in a situation where u should bring him in. I would do adoption, You bf on the other hand i believe he has a say so in whether you do adoption since hes the father i think he would have to sign paper work. 22 weeks, you still have time to think about it. If you want to do it especially if you dont feel comfortable bringing him into it. It is ultimately your choice!

Answer 10

I think I understand.  You are saying that you don't have any hope for your life anyway so why bring more misery on my child.  What if you had hope?  What if things could get better for your family?  I think that you would want to have all of your children together with you.  Where do you live?  IM me.  I may know of some help in your area.  God touched my life and did some amazing things for me and I know that He could change your whole family!  Would you embrace hope if it comes your way?

Answer 11

I feel very badly for you and hope your situation improves. If you feel very strongly about giving your baby up, it is probably the best thing to do. However, if your BF is willing to stay home with the kids and is good with them, why not let him? I think that at least one parent should stay home with the children. Take this opportunity to go back to school and get a good paying career. In your situation you should more than qualify for financial assistance with school and your living expenses. You should be able to work and go to school, many people do.

I don't know where you live but many people with very low incomes can get rent vouchers. Look into it at your local government aid office. Perhaps you and your family could get your own place. Things will get better with time. Life is beautiful! Enjoy your children. God Bless You!

Answer 12

I feel for you, I really do. I think what you need is emotional support and your own living accomodation! You already have a son, so you know that you are capible of providing for a child right? I dont think adoption would be the best thing for you at all. Sit your partner down and talk to him, make him see that he needs to find work in order for you to provide for the kids. You both need to comprimise. At the end of the day, it is unfair to make the adoption desicion without him being 100% too. You have to communicate. I would say that If you did adopt out, you would regret it. I think its more of sorting your relationship out and housing. If needs be, come to an arrangement, where you go to work after having the baby, and he is a stay at home dad. Either that or tell him if he doesn get his act together and go out to work, then he has got to go. Its giving the ultimatum, call his bluff. I hope u work it out, for the kids sake.

good luck

Answer 13

i was given up for adoption at 17 mon. and i think it was the best thing my mom did for me . i was raised by the best parents .

if i were you i'd think about getting myself together while your still young . you know deep down what you need to do . get your life back on track . best of luck to you

Answer 14

I think you should pray about it that you make the right decision, but I think adoption sounds like it would be a great option for you. Choose some parents you would really like to raise your child from the multitude of places (newspaper, internet, etc.). They will also give you financial support most likely for medical bills and possibly food and your rental costs while you are pregnant.

Your boyfriend sounds horrible. I can't believe he told you to kill his child. :( I wouldn't want to bring a child into such an environment but that's just me. Take care of yourself and that baby. :)

Answer 15

adoption all the way!

Answer 16

In my opinion, I'm glad your thinking about adoption and not an abortion. If I was in your place I would personally give the baby up for adoption. It doesn't sound like your in a very good place in your life right now. Make it an open adoption, so that you can check up on him and still get to watch him grow up. Also, by the sounds of it, your boyfriend is bringing you down. Your the one working and probably taking care of your one year old most of the time. Take some time and really think about things. Good luck with everything.

Answer 17

It sounds like you want to punish your child because you don't have the balls to dump your lazy man.  I know it's hard to be pregnant right now with everything around not looking right but when you have a child you need to see above all the bs & do what's in their best interest. It's not to say you forget about yourself but you have a home & if you have to give up your child, your babe just because your man doesn't want to work...um HELLO.  At least he was smart in saying he doesn't want an adoption as long as you can provide a loving home for that child.

Answer 18

if you think the best thing is to have an adoption then i commend you....too many ppl nowadays are using abortion as a form of b=birth control...if you do not see that your bf is going to help with this child then you have two options- go on by yourself with the baby or give the baby a loving family. i think you should really have a long discussion with the bf and see if he will change for the child or if the adoption idea is the best thing.

Answer 19

This is hard, obviously you love your child and want to do what is best for it but that decision needs to be informed and definitive.  Dont make any rash decisions based on your situation now, situations can change... you have to be the one to change it but it can change.  If your boyfriend doesn't want to get off his butt and work then he's got to go, no reason you should pay for him to eat or have a roof over his head when he doesn't want to help out... he's basically taking food out of your childs mouth if you want to look at it that way - he's definately not helping to put food there.  I too am in Illinois and I know that being a single mother you could get alot of assistance not only with housing but with daycare as well.  If you think that you could handle being a single mom of two out on your own and out of that situation (that sounds brutal by the way) then take the steps to do that.  But make sure your boyfriends knows he will not be apart of your new life unless he chooses to start helping out financially.  

As far as adoption goes,  I can only tell you what I know from experiencing it thru my best friend - she was adopted as an infant and could not have ended up with a better family.  She was so lucky to be adopted by them and she will be the first to tell you that, she was meant to be with them.   Her mother had a biological child and then when they decided to have another child was faced with infertility,  strangely enough the same exact situation happen to her... she is now trying to adopt a baby into her family.  Knowing what she has done in order to adopt I can tell you that you can look on adoption.com and you can do this by state and see prospective parents, there's ads that are placed in the papers...  If you use adoption.com I know that everything will be done thru lawyers, which is the best way.

Good Luck - I know this is a hard decision for you to make, but you have to know that if adoption is what you decide there are so many loving families out there just waiting for someone to give them the opportunity to love a child.

Answer 20

don't even consider an abortion- at any time it is wrong- but at 22 weeks- please continue with the adoption procedure. Your baby has everything that will be there at birth, except smaller. If he is not helping you, you need to take responsibility yourself and do what is best for that baby- and to me it sounds like adoption.- abortion is never right for the baby- or the mom

Answer 21

Have the baby and really think hard about adoption.  If so, talk it over with your dr.  As the other person said, dont want to be harsh  but you should ditch your bf and do better.

Answer 22

yes maybe someone in your family then you still get to see your baby but in th mean time get on section 8

Answer 23

I agree 100% with tish.

your boyfriend is lazy as can be and it sounds like he's using hte idea of watching the kids as an excuse to stay home and not work.  You know him -- is really the kind that can take care of an infant and toddler?  Give them the attention that they require for their active little selves?  or is he lazy and just doesn't want to work?

i'd go with lazy because if you're pregnant taking a bus to work while he's at home not earning money to fix the car . . .well that's cause for some concern for you and the kids.  Not to mention his job prospects and supporting a family of four won't be that great without a h.s. diploma / GED.  Will your job afford you the ability to pay for housing, transportation (gas, car payment, insurance, maintenance/repairs), food, medical costs, clothing, diapers, etc for all four of you?

boot the guy and be gone.   don't expect too much in child support either.  If you keep this baby, it sounds like you're really going to be on your own.  Where is your family? are they supportive?