Adoption experiences?

Question

I'm a little worried about having kids, but I do find it a bit selfish not wanting to have them because of pain. Has anyone here adopted a child? Where are they from and how old were they when you adopted them? I think I'll change my mind about not having children but I'm sure I would like to adopt.

Answer 1

Now, yes there is pain involved, but the "drugs" they give you doesn't make it that bad.  Giving birth to a child can be a wonderful experience, but adopting one can be an even greater one.  To grow to love a child (older) that you didn't raise is really a great feeling.  

In short...to hear "I love you mommy", does it matter who says it?????

Answer 2

i apprecitate ur idea of adoption. but i feel that u need to experience pregnancy and delivery. the baby from ur womb will be more affectionated towards u than the adopted kid. u can deliver one baby and second kid of adoption.

Answer 3

I am the mother of a son whom was adopted.  Let me tell you that adoption is a highly emotional "pain".  

I was unable to conceive while married to my son's father.  We began the adoption process and "lost" several babies after the birthmother decided to keep her baby.  One of these babies had lived with us for several weeks.  

We wanted a baby so desperatly to be a part of our lives, but the bittersweet side of adoption is that you are on the recieving end of an impossible situation.  The birthmother is having to relinquish a child that most certainly love and want to keep, but under her circumstances, cannot.  She is grief ridden...and it is wrenching to watch her hand her child to you.  She thinks that she is doing what is best for her child...but the thought that she cannot be there to watch this new baby grow and do things must be horrific!!  

EVERYDAY of my sons life....I send thoughts of love and comfort to his birthmother....ONE DAY she will be able to see that her son grew up and was loved, healthy and happy and I hope she is finally able to share in his life.  

I have a fabulous 17 year old that was "shared" with us by his birthmother...and I raised him with that in the back of my mind... so that when they finally re-connect...she will know that it was okay...

Answer 4

I don't know how old you are, but you sound young.

'Worried about pain' is not a good reason not to want to have your own children.

Maybe you need to get some therapy to help you with this possible phobia.

To be a parent of any kind of child-- biological, and especially adopted, you need to put your best self, emotionally, forward.

Kids deserve that.

Answer 5

it's called an epidural, honey!

honestly, i think it's pretty cold-blooded to expect another woman to endure the pain of pregnancy, labor and delivery, so that one can parent.

if you're considering adopting from foster care then i retract my statement.  however, if you are attemping to adopt a healthy newborn from a young girl with limited resources just because you are afraid of labor, then i stick to my original comment: epidural...  

quite honestly, i LOVE kids.  and i endured 3 very difficult pregnancies (including my present pregnancy), 13+ hour labors, and the inabiltiy to sit for days. as much as i do not enjoy being sick, having my body changed and injured as a result of pregnancy and delivery, i would NEVER expect another woman to endure this for the benefit of me having a baby.  

sorry but i think the pain argument is a bit selfish.

Answer 6

Pantherk is a liar.  Having a baby will not make you any closer to the child than adopting one will.

The kid doesn't care whose v****a it came out of.  Mothering is about what you do AFTER the child is here.

Answer 7

My husband and I are in the process of adopting through the children's aid and although we may plan to have birth children one day, we feel that there are so many kids who need homes that we should do our part. I am excited for the opportunity to love and nurture a child, it truly doesn't matter if they are mine or not. If you have plenty of love to give why not share it?

Answer 8

"not wanting to have them because of the pain"....

I silently chuckled when I read this.  Not at you, but rather the comment about "pain".  Adoption for us was a difficult journey.  Years of infertility; a state who called our son a "hot commodity" and tried to stop the private adoption from occurring; endless paperwork; court hearings; etc.  To say that it was "painless" would be unfair.  Granted, it does not compare to the physical labor that a bio parent experiences, but I also believe that adoptive parents go through an "emotional" and often "public" type of pain.   Plus there is the pain associated with choosing adoption (from the bio parents' perspective) as well as the pain sometimes caused to a child (depending on the age).  

I certainly am not trying to discourage you from adopting, but I just want you to understand that "pain" or lack thereof is not a reason to choose adoption.  Becoming a parent is "painful" and yet one of the best things you will ever experience.  Read up, do your research, and you'll be able to make an informed decision when the time comes.

Good luck to you.

Answer 9

WOW - you have already received some pretty cranky answers!!

I am an adoptee - adopted soon after birth.

I have a strong bond with both my adoptive parents and with my biological parents.

Bio parents - because of 'nature'.

A-parents - because of 'nurture'.

They are both within me.

I have had 3 daughters of my own (so cannot speak of adopting myself) and the experience of carrying them to term, and giving birth was truly amazing.

Adoptees must suffer a loss - to become adoptees. All children want instinctively to be with their mothers. When separation occurs, that loss needs to be acknowledged & sympathized with. (this will then aid in the healing for the adoptee)

Perhaps until such time as you choose to become a parent either way - I'd suggest a whole lot of reading - from books and from the internet. Become fully aware of all the issues involved. Adoption is NOT a black and white affair. It is many many shades of grey. Also consider adopting a child from foster care (if you decide to go the adopting route) as their are so many children that need loving homes  - that are waiting to be adopted.

Good luck with your research.

http://origins-usa.org/

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

http://seriouslyjustme.blogspot.com/

http://justenjoyhim.wordpress.com/

http://www.allmychildren-christine.blogs...

Answer 10

My thoughts, also, were that you sound very young in considering the pain aspect. (nothing wrong with that!) What often happens is that when you get to the point in your life where you really want children and are truly ready, you'll do whatever it takes to bring a healthy child (or in my case- children) into this world. It's almost a yearning, or at least it was for me and many I know. There are many people who are unable to conceive and they have those same yearning feelings for a baby. They should be given the greatest opportunities to adopt a child, in my humble opinion.

I was adopted and my younger sister was natural. I was adopted (within my own family) at about 5 months of age and there is no doubt in my mind that my parents loved us, and still love us, the same and that they love us more than life. I have a very strong, close relationship with my parents. I know who my biological mother was and I'm very grateful for what she did. I had (and still have) amazing parents. Um, hope this helps! :)