Adoption idea?

Question

I've always been the kind of person who has never wanted kids. My reasons are simply that I feel there are already too many people in the world & I don't wish to add more trouble to the world by increasing the human population & destroying more of the world's natural resources by more houses needing to be built. However, I'm only 24-years-old & I've got until the age of 30 - 35 to change my mind. I don't need to plan my entire life right now. The thing is, I've come up with a rather interesting thought.

If I didn't want to bring another person into the world & go through the pregnancy process (I have a very sensitive stomach & truly hate pain!), could I adopt a child instead? Maybe a lot of people are against adoption because the child is not truly their flesh & blood, but I don't consider that important. I consider the love & the special bond shared between the child & adult to be the most imporant thing to have a mother/father & son/daughter relationship.

Answer 1

I think you would make a wonderful adoptive parent. I talk from experience...you can truly love and care for a child that is not your biological child just as much as if he was yours. There is also lots of foster kids out there that need loving people to care for them and some are available to adopt. As some others mention you never know all the "mental" type problems a child may come with but ppeople have their own bio child and end up with all kinds of trouble with and don't understand where it all came from. Good luck and go for it. We need more people like you in this world.

Answer 2

Highland,

I like you.  You sound logical, strong, compassionate and smart.  All really good qualities to have as an adoptive parent.  Stick around listen and learn.  Start researching.  Start reading.  You have had really great advice so far. (except for lily, whoa)

I'll add to the book list, "20 things adoptive kids wish their parents knew." (something along that line, need more coffee:))

Look into foster care, those are the children that really need parents, love and support.  Email me anytime.  All the best:)

Answer 3

sure there are plenty of homeless and "unwanted" children out there.  love and so forth does not heal everything an adoptive child goes though. You need to do a lot of research, hear from adopted people, birth parents, adoptive parents etc. Look up the problems associated with adoption such as seperation problems, attatchment problems, grief etc. An adopted child has lost their birth parents so when or if you adopt talk about their parents openly and don't do the "ive spent all this money on you, we love you" guilt thing, doesnt help. adoptees love their adoptive parents, they just dont have that special bond. A scar is left behind when a child is adopted, putting patches on it won't help, you have to look at it, talk about it, cry about it etc to move on and cope. There is only one special bond and that's between birth mother and birth child so im sorry you won't have that, but you will love each other all the same, and as long asyou have an open adoption where the child is free to talk about their background then you willl do wonderfully. An adopted child isnt born when they arrive at the adoptive familie's house, there was 2,3,4 months or even years before that. That time is just as important as the rest and should be valued.

Good Luck, do a lot more research I say, you will be fine.

Answer 4

Before you adopt, and before you so quickly dismiss the importance of nature, you might do some reading on adoption as the adoptee experiences it.  

Here are some books to get you started.

* "Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self" by Brodzinsky, Schecter, and Henig

* "Journey of the Adopted Self" by Betty Jean Lifton

* "The Primal Wound" by Nancy Verrier

Answer 5

I think adoption is a wonderful idea.  There's so many children all over the world who need loving homes.  I've always wanted to adopt, along with have my own, but my husband is against it, so that's out.  I love when people chose that option though.  When the time comes, make sure you look at children of all ages.  You may pass up some wonderful children if you stick to age brackets.  Nothing wrong with wanting a certain age tho.  Just saying a lot of older children get passed up bc they are at an "unwanted age".  I agree with you about the mental stability.  It's all about how they are raised and loved.  And besides, you could have great family genes, but still have a child turn unstable.  

Whatever you decide to do, I think this is a great option.  Just make sure you do all the proper research and realize there usually is a significant cost for adoption.  Good luck with your future decision.  And don't rush.  You have plenty of time to adopt and/or have children, if you change your mind.  Unless of course your talking to my mother in law.  She's acts like I only have a year left!  Haha.  I'm only 25.  Plenty of time.

Answer 6

Foster care doesn't cost as much. If you could give a home to a child who is past the cute and cuddly stage you would have more of a friendship. All parents strive to be friends with their kids when they become more independent. Some succeed some don't.

There would be no pretending. You would both recognize that this person had another family before you and if you can address that, acknowledge that and help guide them through their loss of that you will have a great relationship.

I want to read the books myself that have been suggested to you. I need to find time. They come highly reccommended so there must be something in them worth reading.

I applaud you for your concern for others. I hope it's genuine. There are tons of kids who need homes and someone they can lean on as they make their way through life. Most of them are in foster care. There is no stock pile of infants, that's why the wait is so long and the cost is so high.

Foster care, Foster care, Foster care.

Answer 7

I was always ambiguos about adding to the world's population too. I did try to get pregnant, but late in life when the potential for problems was high, and we  ended up adopting a beautiful baby girl, now  2 yrs old. I think adoption is a great way to have a family without adding to the population.

I disagree with the poster that the only special relationship is  between  a natural mom and her child. Certainly the adoptive moms I know with both bio and adopted children don't feel that way, and neither do several adult adoptees that I know.  Also sadly there are some children raised by their natural parents that don't have that  bond either. I  feel the bond with my duaghter is incredible, but only time will tell what it will be for her. Whatever happens she is our child.

Answer 8

Yes, you would be able to adopt & as a former orphan (eventually adopted by wonderful parents) I applaud your thinking.  God Bless You!!!  All children need a home.

Answer 9

As you said, you still have lots of time to make your decision.  I would definitely recommend that you do some serious research into adoption, such as reading the books that Phil (above) recommended.    Although you sound quite mature and level-headed, I think you should also investigate your own needs and desires.  Why do you want to adopt now?

It is extremely important that you realize that adopting a child is not just saving a starving child from a 3rd world country...it has to be a life-long commitment to parent.  That child will grow up and mature into a 40-something adult like me someday...

Answer 10

I think that adopting would be a wonderful thing for you to do.  It may be difficult to be approved to adopt a baby or young toddler if you are not infertile but there are plenty of older kids that would love a home.  If you have no criminal record and being financially stable is a must.  Also being in a stable relationship (preferably married) and having your own home helps.  If you decide to have you own children you can still adopt aswell.  Good luck.

Answer 11

The real problem with adoption is the cost and the fact that you have no idea about the mental and physically health problems the child may have in their genes.  Add to that the trauma of being in an orphanage and ill care and nurturing there and you can have some insurmountable problems.

Personally I do not like to see single people adopt a child.  It really takes two to raise a child and my biggest questions is... if you can't find one person to get along with in this world what makes you think you have what it takes to guide and raise a child.  (not to be mean)  It's just that all my single friends are just a bit strange.

You don't need children in your life to feel whole.