Adoption let down...?

Question

I'm pregnant and was considering adoption. I met a couple online who seemed great. We talked on the phone regularly, wrote emails daily, I sent her ultra sound pictures and I went to an adoption lawyer. Her lawyers sent their information to me and my lawyer as well. After a month of REALLY getting to know each other she mentioned to me that they wanted to be considered 'matched' and they would stop looking and so would I and we could get the legal ball rolling. I agreeded. I was even going to be in her area of the country for work next month and we had agreeded to a face to face meeting. The other night I get an email from her saying they have adopted another baby. How could they do that to me? We had become so close? I'm so sad that they would just overlook all the work we had done to adopt another baby...then not even call me and tell me about it. They even named their new baby MY name! Why would someone do this to me? Wasn't my baby good enough? I'm very upset about this.

Answer 1

ILL TAKE YOUR BABY YOU CAN STILL BE IN THE BABYS LIFE

Answer 2

Please, please, please seriously consider keeping your baby!  Meeting someone online is not a safe way of finding adoptive parents.  In these peoples defence when you do not have a child and want one so desperately you will take the first child you can.  What if you had changed your mind?  Then they wouldn't have a child at all!!!

I am adopted.  I do not regret it, but I have spent my whole life feeling inadequate and not good enought (despite the fact that my adoptive parents are amazing and love me 100%).  Alot of adopted children do not want anything to do with their biological parents and many of them even say that they hate them for giving them away.  If you can love this child and offer him/her a safe and secure home then you should keep him and bring him up with all the love that you can.  If you can't do this then you need to contact your local adoption agency and go through this procedure in the correct way.  You don't want your baby going to complete weirdos!

Good luck and please consider all that I have said!

Answer 3

Oh My Goodness! So much is going on in this letter! I just want to say it is heartbreaking that they backed out on you....and very strange behavior. I can say people do back out, I've heard of the strangest things, some back out because of race, how the pregnancy occurred, fear over the Birth Mom backing out....whatever. You have to move on from this and trust that this was what was meant to be. Personally, I adopted internationally but could never back out on an adoption....they are my babies... we have heard of children being unwanted because of the amount of hair on their face or their complexion. Rediculous! You have to decide what is best for you and your child. I would say they child is usually better off with a Bio-parent who can love and care for them.... If you are not ready to do that put the baby up for adoption, if you are then best of Luck to you! I would contact an agency and really talk to someone about what you want! You can always call the agency we used- golden cradle. I wish you the best of Luck I know this is a difficult time for you.

Answer 4

Wow... I am so sorry.

When they adopted the other baby, did they say that they didn't want yours?  It's possible they could be looking for two.  Don't let them step on you like that- ask them straight up what is going on.  Better yet, talk to the lawyer, he or she will know exactly what your rights are.

Answer 5

Very sad indeed!  I don't think it had anything to do with your baby "not being good enough".  Consider the possibility that they were so desperate for a child and when another possibility opened up they jumped for it.  If it is your true wish to give the baby for adoption you will find another worthy couple.  Best of luck to you!  Take care.

Answer 6

why on earth would you give your baby in adoption??? you´be be heartbroken for the rest of your life, no matter how loving the adoptive family would be...you say you´re financially secure, you can raise this baby on your own...being a single parent for sure isn´t easy, but many kids grow up in single famlies and are more than ok...besides who says the adoptive parents won´t divorce???

Answer 7

Wow, how upsetting!  Im sorry!

Even though its great those people are adopting, I cant see how they could change their mind after getting to know you and seeing pictures and what not.  Getting a baby is not a 'pick-of-the-litter' kind of thing.  But, I guess they thought it was .... very sad.

Answer 8

Just look at it as a sign that it was not meant to be.  This was not the family for your little one.  The perfect family is still waiting to give your child a forever family.  Sometimes things that are hard happen, but in the end it is for the better.  You just need to move on.  I don't think it would be inappropriate or rude to ask this family to stop contacting you.  I think that is what you should do.  Keep looking for that perfect family, there are so many that would be willing and able to love your child.  Think of this as a blessing in disguise, maybe it was Gods way of protecting you from meeting them face to face!  Whatever the case keep going and good luck!!

Check out this site.........it is great!!

http://www.americanadoptions.com/

Answer 9

Don't let this get you down too much. If they were willing to drop you just like that, they weren't good for your baby. There are plenty of other families out there who will make wonderful parents for your baby. Keep looking!

Answer 10

how much more time before baby born i want to adopt a baby but no one wi'' let me they say i cann't that hurts

Answer 11

That is terrible. you would think that with you guys being so close as you say, that it would mean more to her considering she would know what to tell the baby about her birth mother. I'm so sorry. My spouse and I just started the process and we are nervous and excited, mostly because we don't want to get our hopes up only for the birth mother to change her mind. I could only imagine it would be almost the same disappointment.  Are you in a different country and maybe that's why she adopted another?

Answer 12

I think keeping your baby is a good idea. Best of luck and congrats!

Answer 13

I am really sorry for your disappointment.  Unfortunately, this is the huge risk people take when going online regarding something so important.  You said you "REALLY got to know" this couple because you had corresponded on the Internet with them.  You did no "know" them at all.  Some of these folks may not even be a couple, some are, most are really, but you know nothing at all about them.  And because they are not working with a "middle person" such as an agency, they can do anything they want!  If you had heard of this couple through an agency, the agency would have had a signed agreement, and a partial adoption fee already paid to the agency, so they would not have likely taken the "first baby" who came along, rather than honor the agreement they had with you.  (After seeing what kind of people they really are, would you really want your baby with them, afterall?  Not likely.)  Please, go through  licensed agency who represents YOUR rights, and protects YOU from this kind of disappointment, and emotional scam.  If you need further help finding an ethical, reputable agency you can write me directly, or call you local large hospital and ask for the Social Worker in the women's services area for a referral.  Good luck to you!

Answer 14

Wow...what a story. I'm so sorry that you have been through this. I can only imagine how heart breaking that would be. You just try to remember that your child is a blessing from God and maybe that was not the right adoptive family for your child. Can I offer 2 suggestions to you? (We are currently waiting to adopt)

1. You shoud really try working with an agency. We are with an agency and have a homestudy approved and I think you will be able to make a more informed choice about the adoptive family. It is true that with private adoptions there can be lots of issues to arise and surface and its hard to know if both sides are being 100% honest.

2. I know as a woman who has dealt with infertility and now is anxiously awaiting to adopt, that if I got a call today and said I was going to be a mom, my emotions would be so great. Maybe the adoptive parents received a call and the "right now" idea of being parents just overwhelmed them to the extent that they said yes to the other couple b/c they would become parents right then. I know that is heartbreaking to you b/c you intneded on them to parent your child but perhaps that may make you feel less "violated" or feeling that you are not good enough or your baby not good enough for them. I hope that makes sense to you. That's also another reason why I would go through an agency b/c once you are matched with a birthmom they would not share your profile with another birthmom. It really sounds like to me that this family had their "hands in several baskets" and they just took the first opportunity to have a family.

I am sorry for your loss and disappointment and I hope you find the family that will raise your child!

That's just my $0.02.

Answer 15

I would thank god that they did not adopt your child only because they proved not worthy of having a child particularly your baby.  If they were to abandon you at this time what would they do to your baby.  It might be upsetting now and rightfully so after all that you did to protect your child.  That is what you call a mothers instinct.  Are you sure you want to put your baby up for adoption?  Good luck kat....

Answer 16

Dear Friend,

I can understand your problem. I will suggest you to take help from Legalservices4Less.com. They have got expert lawyers. I am sure they will solve your problem.

http://www.legalservices4less.com

All the best

Answer 17

what they did was very inconsiderate but in the world of adoption many birth parents change there mind sometimes even after the adoptive parent had supported them, watched the birth and held the baby. cruel huh? they owe you an apology but, you should also remember that in their eyes your baby wasnt theirs yet. you could have changed your mind and left them with no baby. try to find someone else. do what is best for YOU & THE BABY

Answer 18

I am so sorry to hear how they just dropped your baby like he was nothing. People like that make me so angry. My husband and I have been trying for almost 4 years and would love love to have a baby. I have really really thought about adoption. I would love to have a baby of my own but I am to the point where I just want a baby to love. Keep your head up and good luck to you and your baby boy.

Answer 19

Sorry you had to go through that. I am a adoptive mom and would have never and would never do that.  But unfortunately some AP will do that when they are afraid that the match they have will not work out and they get a call saying that the child is there and ready to be picked up.

When you go into adoption the agencies and the lawyers don't tell the birth parents that the AP have just as much rights to change their minds as the Bmom has to change hers.  It does not happen that much but it does happen and it hurts both ways.  

My family and I have been on the other end of the last minute change we had two birth moms change their minds the last one we where 30mins a way from picking the baby up from the hospital when birth mom called to say she wanted to keep the baby.

So don't let one bad couple turn you away from the adoption world their are lot of us couples out there that don't and won't change our minds.

Good luck to you and your baby and may GOD BLESS you both.

Answer 20

This is one of the reasons why I try to encourage so many families on this board NOT to use the internet.  However, I never thought about it from the standpoint that you refer to.  My heart goes out to you.  I cannot imagine making such an important decision and then having it fall through.  You must be devastated.

On the flip side, as you and other responders have noted, everything happens for a reason.  It is probably a good thing that these people did not adopt your child.  There are tons of families out there who would love to adopt your child.  

PLEASE speak to an adoption agency to find out what options might be available to you.  Typically a reputable adoption agency will not charge any monies to a parent who wants to make an adoption plan for their child, and there is no obligation for you to proceed either.  But at least speak to them; they may even be able to offer you counseling to get through this horrible nightmare of the last family.  

Good luck to you.  And from and adoptive mom - THANK YOU for the gift you are truly giving someone!  You are a wonderful mother to be doing this for your child!