Adoption money? Is my mom trying to cheat me?

Question

O.k. heres the story. I am 18 years old and i am leaving for navy bootcamp in a week. My mom says that since i am leaving for the military, she can no longer receive $800 a month that she used to get for adopting me. She says that now i have to pay her that every month instead. I am really confused because i thought that the adoption money stopped when i turned 18, which was back in aug. She is saying that i have to send her a bunch of money every month because she wont be able to receive it now that she doesn't have to care for me anymore. I think this is wrong of her to ask me, and it is not my fault that she used the money on bills instead of on me, and now that i am leaving, she is still going to need the extra money. Should i send her $800 dollars every month, or just tell her no? Please, I really need your advice!!!!!!

Answer 1

YOU do not give her anything! How dare she ask YOU to support her. O M G! Did she adopt you so she could get paid to be a do gooder?

WOW..girl becareful in the Military and enjoy your GROWN UP LIFE. If you feel in your heart you can HELP her out...then that is one thing. If the $800 wasn't used for you then I would not give her anything.

I feel bad for you feeling so bad. My heart goes out to you.

What kind of agency would allow a selfish person like your mom to CARE for you when she didn't CARE for you by allowing YOU to use the $800.

ENJOY your LIFE and watch your back out there in the big world.

PEACE be with you.

Answer 2

This is a bull***t question.  Parents don't get  $800 a month for having an adopted child!  Adopting a child costs money.   It is foster parents who receive money for providing foster care.

Answer 3

Ok that money ended when you turned 18.  You will also be out of her care since you are joining the military.  No you don't owe her any money.

Answer 4

what?

who sent her $800/month?

no, you don't owe her $800/month

you are 18. go on with your life. pay your own bills, not your mother's.

Answer 5

I do not know what part of the planet you and your mother lived on, but I have NEVER heard of an adoptive parent being paid to adopt a child.  A foster child yes, but once you have adopted that child is your responsibility, and they will not let you adopt if you do not have good means of support to look after that child.

Her whole attitude is appalling, what is going on here.  The only way she could have received any money to look after you was if she has been your Foster Mother.

You had better check into this and find out whether you were a foster child or an adopted child.

NO, do not sent her $800 every month.  Firstly find out what has happened here.  Either she is outright being dishonest with you and you were fostered not adopted.  Or she thought you were adopted, whilst receiving money from the Foster Department.  Something is not right here and I would not say a thing to her until you find out the truth.

Do not be blackmailed, no matter what.  There is no adoption money when you are adopted.  Am I right everyone reading this, or am I wrong.  If this is the truth, I must have been living on another planet because I did not get a cent for my adopted children and would not have taken money anyway, they were my responsibility because I loved them/

Answer 6

You don't owe your mother anything!  You are a young adult, and need to get yourself established.  Use your money wisely, your mother will have to take care of herself.  Good luck!

Answer 7

You don't owe her a thing.

Tell her that whatever she was getting is gone.  You are moving on in your own life, and it is time for her to as well.

You're going to be working your butt of, she can to---if she complains, tell her to get a job.

Make sure ALL your mail is forwarded to your new address.  You might want to keep close watch of your credit history/score, too.  I know  she helped raise you, but I don't trust her.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Actually, I too am adopted,and yes, parents DO recieve money monthly but it is not supposed to be refunded by the child. I think that it is really unfortunate that your mother would ask you to do such a thing because it is primarily her fault that she chose to use that monthly money from the government on her bills instead of finding a way to balance how she would pay them when you were gone. My parents stopped receiving their check when I turned 18 and they made adjustments to make sure that the bills get paid. I wish you all the best.

Answer 9

Absolutly not! That money was for her to support you. Since she used it to pay bills for the house you were living in that is considered supporting you. You are moving out and she will no longer need to support you so she shouldn't be getting any money for it. Besides parents aren't supposed to ask their kids to pay them back for supporting them through the years. She is totally wrong and don't send her a dime.

Answer 10

Sorry to tell you but your mom is a liar. When you adopt you don't get money every month. Foster children do to help with the care of them, but even when foster children are adopted the funding stops unless they recieve special needs services and then some states will allow a monthly subsidy to help cover the cost for the family for things like specialized medical care, counselling or other services.

Secondly, you're 18 years old and your mom is using you through guilt trips. You don't owe her anything and she needs to get over it and accept that. What she's doing borders on blackmail and it's wrong.

Answer 11

The only kind of monthly fees associated with adoption are adoptions through the state, for special needs adoptions.  So if your mother got $800 a month, that was to cover the expenses of raising you, medical bills, therapy, clothing, school supplies, etc.  It was not to be saved and given to you at age 18 (although she could have chosen to do that if possible).  But parents demanding that children support them now that they are leaving home is not a new concept (in biological families either!)  Some parents are selfish.  It is crass, immature, sad and stingy.  Ignore the request, unless you are able and willing to help her out, and want to help her  some --  out of your own goodness, or because she genuinely needs it, due to illness or extreme poverty.  Fly the nest, little bird!  Good luck in the Navy!

Answer 12

I have never heard of someone receiving money after an adoption.  From whom did she receive it?  If you were a foster child, she would have gotten money from the state, but not after adopting you.  Don't send the money!  (Just me, a mom who gave up a girl 18 years ago.)

Answer 13

I would say no but I don't know how you feel about her and going in the military you need support. If you feel like helping her that is one thing but you don't  need to pay her for adopting you. You need to explain this to her. I feel for you but even if you were not adopted and that was your natural mom no child should have to support their parents.

I want to thank you for supporting the U S. I will pray for you and please let us all know how your doing in boot camp stay strong.

Answer 14

yikes!!!

i don't know the reason your mom wants you to pay her, but that's not usually what happens.  it appears as if your mom received a stipend for adopting you.  well, if you are an adult and no longer in her care, then it makes sense that she would receive no more money!

i'm really sorry she's doing this.  i would NEVER expect my son to give me money. as a matter of fact, i would most likely still be assisting him while he's in college.

no parent (bio or adopted) should expect a child to pay them a monthly stipend.

Answer 15

You are adopted and she is getting $800.00 a month for you?  Strange.  Anyways, this being the case, I would think that once you turn 18 that that money would be stopping anyway.  If you wanted to send her a few bucks now and again, that would be fine, but you are under no obligation to do so.

Thank you for serving our country.

Answer 16

Tell your mom that she will have to find another source of income. You are young and just starting out, so it is not your place to support her. Thank her for the loving care, and end the discussion. Sounds like she doesn't want to let you go, something mothers experience when their babies leave home. Good luck!

Answer 17

the only way an adoptive parent gets money each month for adopting a child is if they are special needs. And they consider adopting thru foster care to be special needs. But that all stops at age 18. So, she is trying to get you to support her.  If you choose to send her money thats your choice but you are by no means obligated to.

Answer 18

Yes, your mom is trying to cheat you.  When you're 18, you're an adult.  There is no law that says that you have to support your mother.  

Another thing that you should know is that starting out in the Navy, you're not going to make a whole lot of money.  I started out making only 1000 a month.  If you give her money, you're only left with 200 to do what you want to.  200 dollars of YOUR hard earned money while she does whatever with the rest.  

Do not do it.  She's an adult and can take care of herself.  Don't let her pull you into a trap that you're going to regret later.  If you need more guidance on this you can talk to your Chief or even your leading Petty Officer when you get to bootcamp, "A" school, or your first command.  You can even talk to your recruiter, they know what's going on and if they don't have a really good answer for you, they know who to ask.

Answer 19

No, you don't send her money.  First of all, who is getting money for adoption?? I have only heard of that with special needs.

Sounds kind of manipulative IMO.

Good luck.

Answer 20

i have never heard abut the 800 a month thing bu not to talk bad about your mom but what a ****** trying to use   like that

Answer 21

Ok, first off why should you send her money? She signed up to be your mother, she signed up for it! That means she gets to pay the bills, clothe you, feed you, nurture you, provide a home, medical care, and love you with no strings attached. So the money she got monthly was supposed to help her do those things. Why does she think you owe it to her to send her the money that stopped when you turned 18? She doesn't get money to care for you anymore, so now you should replace what she lost? Get real here, that is a manipulative thing to ask of you. What a place to put you in. I do have one other question for you, are you sure it was 800 a month? That sounds like an awful lot of money for a subsidy. Seriously this makes me wonder if you were adopted because she saw you as a free "meal ticket"

Tell her no, do it now and without delay. I don't know what sort of relationship you have with her, but if she disowns you or says you are cut off then I think she needs major therapy, and you need to re-evaluate the relationship you have with her. Mothers are supposed to love their children un-conditionally. That means with or without money, whether they live with you or not, you love them. You support them and you never try to manipulate them in this. I am very sorry that she has done this to you. Please be careful in your service and thank you for serving!

Answer 22

She is basically trying to get YOU to support her!  You are 18 now and you do not have to send her money period.

Answer 23

thats sad

ur money should have been used or saved 4 u

dont give her any money she got enough

Answer 24

ah, NO. You shouldn't send her a dime. How is she getting $800 a month anyway? Usually subsidies are only $200-$300 a month and that's for children with special needs. Are you talking about child support?  Well doesn't really matter where the money came from. That moeny was for your suport not hers. You owe her nothing. Seems like if she were having a hard time she could have just asked for help, rather than trick you  and demand it and it would have been another issue and you probably would have been happy to do it

Good luck, WHat a shame.

Answer 25

I work in some adoptions and yes depending on the age of the child, and if they were placed in state custody then they offer subsidy's up to around $400.00 tops, but this is so wrong girl- I'm sorry to have to say this but your mom is a b-----.  How dare her no matter her financial status ask you or blame you for her lazy non-motivated self.  She needs a good kick in the *** for this.  But I hope she and you are able to move on..

Answer 26

You have your own problems now, so no, don't send her any money. She should (honestly, not in a mean way) get her own well paying job.

Answer 27

Troll question. Definitely send her the $$$$.

Answer 28

Of all the NERVE!  I'm so sorry this is happening to you

You tell her NO.

Answer 29

h**l no. You dont have to give her any money !!!!! Just because you are adopted and are 18 doesnt mean you have to payher afterwards. What the h**l is she thinking. Sounds like she just wants money and is mad because now that you are 18 there is no more money coming in.