Adoption? my mom wants to gve it up?

Question

im 17 and having a baby in a month my mom thinks i should give it up for adoption but i would like to keep it she never supports anything i do i wish should would help in a time like this! i would be able to go back to school after i have the baby but she doesnt belive i can do it. my boyfriend and i dont want to get married and the only way my mom said she will be supportive is if we get married. he has a job and gets paid pretty well so i dont know what she is worried about ..........

does any one have any advice on how i could get her to support my decision

Answer 1

move out with your boyfriend and you two deal with the consequences -- your mom shouldn't have to.   Ultimately, she'll end up spending more time and money with the kid than you will IF you expect to go back to high school and finish up.  Who's going to pay for child care while you're at school?  are you going to get a part time job to pay for that child care? plus the child care you'll need while you're working to pay for child care?  or will your mom have to watch the kid all the time?

move out and live with your boyfriend.  If you're going to 'play like husband and wife" then you should move out with him, pay all the bills and play mommy and daddy house together but don't lump it on your mom.

Answer 2

its ur choice.

Answer 3

I dont think you should push for her support, because the way she is going on, she doesnt deserve it. Having that baby is a choice to be made by you and no one else! If you know that you can provide for the baby and are willing to go back to school etc, then I dont see what the problem is. There is pleanty of help around these days.

Answer 4

The best way to sway her is by approaching this decisions in a very adult and mature fashion. Be honest and just let her know how your feeling and what your plan is. Make sure all your decisions are made like who is going to watch your baby while your at school, how your going to pay for things like diapers, formula, clothes, bottles, childcare. What your transportation is, and what arrangements you and the child's father have come to, including, what he is going to pay for and how much, when he will take care of the baby, and what your relationship is and will be. Explain what mature reasons you have for wishing to keep your child ( because I want to isn't a valid answer). Its your child and your choice. Just keep in mind it isn't about what is best for you. Its whats best for your child.

Answer 5

If you want to keep your baby then get married. It sounds like that is the only way to get yoru moms support.

Answer 6

This is your child you have the right to keep or give it up.Do Not be forced into a decision by your mother  .There are many services that help teenage mother's s..My former HS had a program that went half day's  so that the mother could get there diploma and the other half of the day was spent working or gaining job skills .

Answer 7

If you want to parent this child, then I recommend that you start checking into resources that can assist you RIGHT NOW.  There is help available for young parents that allow them to finish education as well as be responsible parents to their children.  

Being a teenage parent is tough.  It means deciding to grow up and put away childish things, like partying all night, going out with friends every evening, doing the wild and carefree stuff that teens and young adults do.  In exchange, is all of the rewards, emotional roller-coaster, and responsibilities of being a parent.  

I'm glad you are already thinking about finishing school.  That's an important piece.  Hopefully, your mom will support you, even if she doesn't agree with your decision.  But it is YOUR decision to make, not hers.  Look at all of your support and resources, then be the best parent possible to your child.

Good luck.

Answer 8

It's a big decision and it's lots of hard work to be a good parent and finish school. She probably wants you to know that once you make this decision it is up to you to make it work. It can be done. Lots of women have babies and go to school. It's just not easy. Make your plan without her blessing and she'll probably come around when she sees you making it happen. Marriage is no security net. Adoption is long road, one your mom probably isn't familiar with first hand.

I had 2 boys back to back. I worked 3 days a week. I went to college 2 days a week, and I never used my mom as a baby sitter. Well maybe once or twice. My point is I made my plan and I made it work and it did not involve my mom being available every day to watch my kids. If you are serious about parenting show her you can do it without her. She'll come around when she see's you making it happen.

Answer 9

DO NOT BE PRESSURED BY YOUR PARENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is a decison that you and your boyfriend have to make together. Because the boyfriend is in your life and aware you are prego you cant give the baby up with out his concent too. He has the right to take the child! If you are stong enought to take care of the child and go to school then all the power to you to try. If your mom want to kick you out then why dont you and your boyfriend get a place, like you said he makes good money.

If you do try and it doesnt work the way you wan then yes give the child up for adoption or if thats what you want now then do it because YOU want to not because everyone else wants you too. Its not a doll and its not going to be easy to give the child up.

Good luck!

Answer 10

h**l no i would do what you want to do dont listen to what your mom says its your baby not hers if you want to keep your baby you keep it but if you cant afford a baby the right thing to do is give it up

Answer 11

You need to go to a family psychologist for counseling.

Your mother is wrong to pressure you to let her make your choices for you.  This is not her right.

You do need help and guidance to make your own decision and your mother is not able to give you good advice.  You might choose to give the baby up for adoption if you discuss all your options honestly with a  qualified counselor.  You've tried to already make your decision, but your current decision is not based on a good, full evaluation of all your options and your actual situation.  It's too soon for you to have made this decision.  Right now you're just choosing from a childish "I want..." and a rebellion against all the pressure exerted by your mother.

cw

Answer 12

Never mind marriage as that guarantees nothing!

You are the mother, however that happened(?), and the decision is all yours.

Not your mother not your boyfriend but YOURS!!

You have to decide between what makes you happy which is what you want to do and your mother's plan and mental blackmail - I am routing for you and wish you luck

LOL

Answer 13

you should make your own decision because it is going to affect you for the rest of your life.

if your mom does not support you, you are going to have to tough it and make it on your own. Honestly, she is not obligated to help you anymore, i mean, when you become a mom, you will be emancipated, plus you are only 1yr away from being of age.

You can get support from many places that the people above me have already told you about.

I wish you the best of luck:)

Answer 14

Please ignore advice to get counseling about adoption.  You have already made your decision to keep your baby so discussion of adoption is off the plate. So called "adoption counseling" is just anti-teen-parenting brain washing that is funded by people who are drooling to get their hands on someone else's baby.

You have made your decision to keep your baby, so tell your mother that it is her choice whether or not to be involved with her grandchild.  Once she sees you and your baby together she will be ashamed of herself that she ever mentioned adoption.  Start making plans with your boyfriend to provide for your baby, including health insurance for your baby through his job.  Most schools provide for day-care while parents are in classes.

As for college - an amazing young single mom at Vanderbilt University has started a movement to help single moms finish college.  When she became pregnant while at college she was horrified that the only meaningful support that she received was for two choices - adoption or abortion.  Parenting and staying in college was not even offered as a choice!  She is working to change that.

See this link:

http://www.finishedup.com/case.html

Good luck - you can do it!

Answer 15

If you can't convince her, who cares? The second she holds her grandbaby she will fall head over heels in love with him/her. If you don't want to give up your child, don't, you will live to regret that decision for the rest of your life and ultimately resent your mother. Keep that baby honey, its the only way that you'll be happy in the end.

Answer 16

While, I would like to tell you everything will be okay, and it will be eventually, you will have a long tough road to follow in the upcoming months.

If you keep the baby have you thought about where you will live and how you will be able to take care of the baby. If you give it up have you thought about the pain of not having the baby.

In the end, this is your decision and you need to be able to live with this decision.

As far as support from your mother, you may never get it. You need to be okay with that if you decide to keep the baby.

Also you might want to look into other options other than closed adoptions.

WHATEVER you do make sure it's your decision and it is based on what you feel is the right thing for you and your child

good luck

Answer 17

Ultimately, this is your decision.  There are places you can go (in most states) where a pregnant mom can go and finish her education, etc. paid for by the state.  I would check into that.  I'm a strong believer in adoption, but NEVER under force.  If you want the baby, keep it, you may have to move in with your boyfriend, get state aid, etc. but where there is a will there is a way....You will just end up making a lot of sacrifices (which may include your relationship with your mom), but you need to decide what is important.

Answer 18

Stand firm - this is YOUR baby - and if you want to parent - you should.

What is best for mother and child - emotionally and psychologically - is to stay together.

I've lived adopted for 38 years - and it can really stuff with your head.

Check out these sites for ideas about financial help and why you should keep your child etc -

http://origins-usa.org/

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/

Do NOT let anyone pressure you into anything you don't want to do.

Put your mind to it - and you can achieve anything.

I think you'll be a GREAT mother.

Don't let her tell you anything different.

I wish you and your baby all the best the world can give.

ETA: Don't let anyone tell you it's best for the child to give him/her up to adoption.

If you can love and care for this child - then that is what is BEST for the child - to stay with you - the mother.

A child doesn't need a whole heap of expensive things.

A child need his/her mother.

Answer 19

Face facts that mom is not going to be a source of meaningful help anytime soon. She has made it clear your on your own. Move out..... their are resources that can help and it may be a struggle but you will have your baby to love. Kids do not need expensive extras anyway. I would suggest filing for child support as soon as possible after the birth. And do not rely on your boyfriend.....you can do this all by yourself!!!

Answer 20

This is YOUR baby not your mothers.  I hope she melts when she meets her grandbaby.  Here's some inspiration for you to keep you strong:

http://www.girl-mom.com/node/34

Here's some info your mother nor the adoption agencies won't tell you:

http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pd...

Don't let the baby-grabbing agencies get a-hold of you  because believe me, they will harass you and won't let go before they guilt you out of your baby.

Watch out for the emails in your inbox too - there will be plenty begging you for your baby.  Use the delete button liberally.

I wish you and your baby all the best and I hope the birth goes smoothly.  Take care.

I found this wonderful site that I thought may be of interest to you:

http://singlepregnancy.com/

Answer 21

You cannot get her to support your decision, but you can get her to understand that this is your decision and not hers.  You need to be willing to do whatever it takes to keep your baby, and make sure that you understand that she may try to kick you out of her house, so you need to have a place lined up to go to if that were to happen.

My experience is, grandchildren make a huge difference.  Once she sees your child she will change her mind.  

Stay strong.  Don't waver in this, be very consistent, so she knows you are serious.  Once you have the baby,  I am sure she will see how much you and the baby belong together and will not want you to place the baby.  Plus, I am sure the baby will melt her heart.

Answer 22

Kimberly C.... Just becuase she gives up her baby, does not mean she will regret it.  It will be hard either way.  I had a child when I was sixteen and gave her up for adoption.  I just wasn't in a place I could give her everything I wanted her to have... Neither was my boy friend.  She is not a happy well adjusted nine year old.  I love her tons and so does her family.  I have two sons and a third on the way and they know and love their sister.  We all agree, while it was hard, it was the best for everyone.  

So really... it is your choice.  You need to decide what is best for your family.  Family meaning you and your child.  Not your mother.  Don't be afraid of adoption.  There are such things as open adoption now days where you can still have contact.  However if you choose to keep the baby there are wonderful resources that can help you.  

Whichever you choose, make sure you are fully educated about the pros and cons of both.  Don't let yourself be talked into either way or go into it without having  the facts.

Answer 23

do what you think is right. its your child. not hers. its not going to be easy but if you think you can do it... then do it! there are so many young mothers out there that make it. theres just some little stigma that people think they cant. my mom had my brother at 17. she made it. shes not with his father. but she has been married to a wonderful man for 19 years and been with him for 22. she is a nurse now! she made it and you can. dont let someone push you around and tell you what to do. i bet when that baby is born she will come around most do! good luck and god bless

Answer 24

This is YOUR decision not hers so do what you feel is right.  Keep in mind that EVERYTHING happens for a reason.  If you were meant to have and keep this child then it will happen.  Do what you feel is right and not just what your mother thinks is right.  

As far as the getting married just because you are pregnant with his child, don't do it. You should only be getting married when you are in love and you want both want to not because your mother is making you.  

Listen to your heart and do some soul searching and you will make the right decision.

Answer 25

You don't need her support to keep the baby.  Even if you and your boyfriend don't want to get married you should think about being roommates that way you can both share in the upbringing of your child.  You can go to school online in many colleges so going back to school is a lot easier than ever.  If the baby's father is willing to help you in supporting this child then the decision is up to both of you not your mother.  Your mother just wants to see you get married which is an old fashioned mentallity which unfortunately I agree with but I understand that young people have a different point of view.  Move out of your house and show your mom you are indpendent and remind her that is her grandchild she wants to give away.

Answer 26

it's not her baby to give away.  if you want to keep your child, please do.  there's no better place for a baby than with it's mother.

Answer 27

I was 17 and had my son who just turned 18 last month! I love him more than anything. I was in a similar postion. I married the guy who ended up beating on me and our son. I then had to divorce and I won't tell you the rest...to terrible. However, my advice is to keep the baby, or you will regret it. Your boyfriend and you can live together but be prepared for the stress it brings. Especially boys at your age, they don't handle a crying baby so well. If you marry you will also lose welfare aid. Go right away to get WIC, you can get it now. They pay for formula, milk, cheese etc. Then go to your social service of AFDC office. Get aid. They will give you insurance for your medical and the babies. Also food stamps and cash to help with rent. Then apply for Section 8 and find a home or apt you dont have to  pay much for. The baby can stay in your room for a long time. But make sure he/ she is in a crib, big mistake letting it in bed with you. The big thing is how does your boyfriend feel? Also, what state you live in so you will know what benefits you can get. Your mom will come around after the baby is born. Marriage is up to you and him. I wish you the best of luck. What has happened has happened, so now be mature and make the best of it. Help yourself since it sounds like no one else will help you.

Answer 28

Its your decision Tell her that Tell her that either she stands beside you or she can just turn around and walk out yours and your baby's life

Hopefully once she sees the baby she will change her obstinate mind

Best of luck and DONT Give your baby up OK :)

Answer 29

Above all - do NOT sign your baby into "temporary" foster care or any other arrangement where your baby is not living with you.  More than one mother has found that the papers they signed were a one-way ticket to relinquishment, no matter what their mothers or social workers or counselors said.  Read up on Stephanie Bennett.  

If you allow your child to be even "temporarily" placed somewhere, you will be unlikely to recover him/her because the adoptive parents will delay any court action as long as possible and then cry that the child has already bonded with them and it would not be in the child's best interest to be returned to his/her mother.

I wish you the best of luck - you will need it.

Answer 30

You will have to make sacrifices for your child for the rest of his or her childhood, so you might as well start now.  If you want to keep your child then you need to make it happen. Your mum doesn't think you are mature enough so you have to prove her wrong.  It is natural for your mum to be doubtful and anxious about your future - you are her daughter after all.  However, I believe if you show a depth of maturity and determination - get on with all that you need to do to make a life for yourself and this baby then your mum may come around and support you.  In a way your mum is probably being protective of the baby just as you are - she wants security for the baby and that is why she wants to see a commitment of marriage.  

You can't change her mind by saying anything - you have to change her mind by showing her you can do this and that you can do it responsibly.

Please don't give your child away because of what your mum said - I would hate to have to explain that to any child of mine when they came looking for me 18 years later.

Take care.

Answer 31

tell her you are keeping your baby and if she doesnt like it she wont ever see him/her

mOVE OUT WITH YOR BOYFRIEND AND START SETTING UP THE NURSERY.