Adoption of my 4yr old son how's he ment to understand the whole process?

Question

I want to adopt my 4yr old step son. I have got as far as having them come out to talk to us about it,

but they said my 4yr old must understand the whole process before we can go any futher. He's 4 and in my mind and everyone else i speak to about this say he's to young to understand.

Can someone explain how is he ment to understand that? I've always said they read from a text book that some idoit who's never had kids have written.

We have both tried sitting down and explaining it to him but all he thinks is that if i adpot him his dad that hasnt seen him 3yrs would be a daddy again.

Any help please?

Answer 1

tell him that he will be very special and have two daddy's.

His real daddy and then a daddy that wanted him so badly to be his son that he adopted him. It's okay to have two daddy's!

Kinda cool don't you think. then Mommy and you and me will have the same last name! Hope this helps!

Answer 2

It is amazing how much a 4 year old does understand........at their own level.  That is what is important - that they understand as much as they are capable of understanding.  He will then grow up knowing the truth and, as the years roll by, he will understand fully.  If everything is explained  to him now, using language that a 4 year old can understand, then in the future, he will feel free and comfortable asking any questions that crop up in his mind as he gets a fuller understanding of things.  You, too, will feel so much more at ease answering his questions. Don't fight against it as it is something that has to happen.  Go with the flow and get it all over and done with so that you can be your little boy's really, really daddy. I wish you well.

Answer 3

Hi, going through this myself but my son is 5, he hasn't seen his 'biological' in 4 years

Here's what we did........

Told my son that his daddy didn't put him in my tummy another man did (he asked how, said we'll say how when he's older) and that this man was his 'daddy' when he was a wee baby but now daddy is his daddy (are you still with me)

My husband told him that he wanted to 'own' him and that he couldn't do that until he adopted him, he doesn't understand the term adoption just that his daddy will own him and that it is very special to own someone

They are asking a bit much in a 4 year old understanding adoption, at this age they never will you just have to explain it in childrens terms and telling my son that his daddy would 'own' him seemed the easiest way and my son is very excited about this, he feels the centre of attention, he also knows that there will be a big party once the adoption has gone through so he is looking forward to this aswell

if you have any other questions feel free to email me [e-mail]

There's loads I could tell you just too much to put on this answer

Answer 4

hey there!=)

that is such a good thing for you to do... anyways, uhm, i dont really think that he is too young to understand. a  4 year old little boy can now somehow perceive what is happening around him. first, it is really hard to explain to your son about adoption if you still have not established bond or friendship with him. you have to gain first his trust and his approval of you both as a friend to him and a lifetime partner to his mom. it takes time yah... you dont really need to please him always but try to be an approachable, understanding yet firm friend to him. if you have established your bond with him, somehow along your picnics, you could talk to him like a little adult. dont treat him as if he could not understand you, nor too young to understand. let him react to what you say. respect his insights. be patient. respect him if he say he needs time... dont worry, everything will be in its place soon... you can do that!  GB!