Adoption or Infertility?

Question

if you cant get pregnat which is best.=)

Answer 1

That depends.

How important is it to you that your child share your genes?  Infertility is expensive and is rarely covered by insurance.

The big problem I see with a lot of adoptive couples (I adopted recently) is that they rack up a pretty big debt going down the infertility route, so by the time they finally give up on that and go with adoption, they are too broke to afford adoption.  Adoption isn't cheap either.  $20,000-$45,000 depending upon a lot of factors.  If you live in Nebraska, I highly recommend Nebraska Children's Home Society:

http://www.nchs.org/

We were looking at invetro, and it costs like $10,000 and only works about 1/3rd of the time.  Now I know the math doesn't work this way, but 3 rounds of invetro (1/3 + 1/3 + 1/3) is $30,000!  We could adopt for that kind of money.

Adoption comes with issues.  It will take a lot more parenting to parent an adopted child.  They will want to know where they came from.  They will want to know why they were placed for adoption.  Kids tend to fill in blanks with worst case scenarios (i.e. my birth parents placed me for adoption because they did not want me, etc.).  If you are lucky, you will have an "open" adoption, where your kid has contact with the birth parents (a relationship more like a favorite aunt, etc.) where they can ask these questions of their birthparents, etc.  But of course, that means you to have to work on a relationship with the birth parents.  It's not a bad thing, but it is more work.

Be honest with yourself and ask yourself if you really are cut out for adoption.  Furthermore, a lot of people go into adoption but have not dealt with grieving their infertility issues.  You need to deal with those and allow yourself to grieve before you take on a child.

If you get hooked up with a good adoption agency, they will work with you to ensure that you are prepared.  But do ask around - there are a number of agencies out there that don't put forth the effort to prepare birthparents, adoptive parents and adoptees.

Answer 2

Money is a big factor. Adoption cost paid will eventually get you a child. infertility treatment cost may get you a child

Answer 3

Let me just add that you can't REPLACE the child you might have had except for discovering  that you & your partner are infertile - you can't replace that loss with an adopted baby.  Any more than you can replace a child lost to illness with another child.  Human beings are not interchangeable.  

You must first fully mourn the LOSS of the child you'd HOPED for, DREAMED of, PLANNED on having.  

After you've done that - fully grieved your loss, come to terms with it, then you might consider adoption.  And before you decide to adopt, do a little research.  Read books like, "Journey of The Adopted Self", "Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child", etc.  Understand that raising an adopted child is DIFFERENT than raising a biological child.  

Good luck.

Hope this is helpful...

Answer 4

That doesn't make sense, that's kind of like adoption or abortion.

Answer 5

Depends on your life goals, cause of your fertility and other issues. For instance, my parent's neighbors have chosen to go IVF. Adoption is not an option for them given that they have background issues that would prevent them from doing so.  If IVF doesn't work, they will consider surrogacy, although they will have to go to a different state as ours does not recognize surrogate contracts.

Answer 6

infertility means you cant get pregnant....my guess would be you are referring to invitro fertilization. I would say talk to your doctor and see if Invitro is even an option for you,theres certain things that cause infertility that determine wether or not invitro even has a chance at working...although personally i would go for adoption,and give a child a chance at a good life...but if you really want a child of your own flesh and blood....id do invitro

Answer 7

I don't think either is "best" they are different options for different needs. Remember it take time for both and patience.In  my own experience get second/ third  opinion, just like adoption Infertility is a place were Doctor pray on helpless couples that desperately want to have children. It can be a long drawn out process that you may not need to go though because you could never get pregnant in the first place. If you  have exhaust these options and have turned to adoption then I believe it is best for you.

Many people have had success with infertility treatments but many have waisted time, Money and effort, and many marriages ended due to infertility problems. If you marriage can withhold this endless process then adoption is your next step. I believe with infertility this is the healthiest process you have to grieve the loss of the ability to have your own child and moving on to adoption maybe your next step.

Some family may not agree but adoption is not for everyone, you have to be open minded and have the child interest first, not your need for a child but that child's needs first. Once you adopt a child that child is your to love nurture for the rest of that child life not until you have your own child.

Some people should remain childless

Answer 8

Its really a choice a couple/person have to make together. If having a genetic child means everything to them. Then seeking fertility help is probably the better option even if it does not guarantee that a baby will come about.  If they just want to raise a family, be a mommy and daddy, then someone like that would probably go straight to adoption.  There have been times a couple might opt for a few rounds of treatment if that does not work they start their adoption process.

For me personnel if I can’t conceive naturally I would just adopt. I wouldn’t go through fertility treatments/surrogacy or any of that. I already hope to one day adopt even if I can have biological children so it’s really not a big deal to me.

Answer 9

I'm assuming you are referring to infertility treatments.

It depends on the person.  Both options may be expensive and neither is for the faint of heart.

Answer 10

I have adopted twin granchildren. They are the joy of my life. I love them as much as my other grandchildren. Adoption is wonderful.

Answer 11

When we wanted a child I had the idea that ivf or egg donor would be quicker than adopting. I wasn't well informed about adoption and imagined it would take years. I wasn't well informed about infertility treatment and imaged in would take months - lol

Well after more than a year of infertility treatment (and already being over 40) we moved on to adoption. I  always wanted to adopt, I just thought it might be a second child. We started investigating adoption in Feb by taking a class with an adoption professional (no agency affiliation,  just lots of info on the kinds of  adoptions, pros/cons etc). We brought our  daughter home from  the hospital on new years eve.

It depends  on your  situation, but if your open to adoption I would try not to get stuck in infertility treatment, and move to adoption. For us we found adoption far less stressful, and far more successful. Part of our success in adopting quickly was just pure luck, but we are very blessed to have our daughter and I can't imagine any child would feel more like "our own".

Answer 12

It depends on what you want. But if your asking about me personally,  It's my DNA,  my body with my husbands DNA or nothing.

Answer 13

I can only answer from my own personal experience. I'm sure others won't all agree with me.

I have always wanted to be a mom. When my husband and I weren't able to conceive -- and we went through the injections, the 'prescribed' s*x, IUIs...everything but in vitro because we couldn't afford it -- we chose to adopt a child. We grieved monthly that I wasn't pregnant, but choosing to adopt was not a difficult decision. I wanted to be a mom; we wanted to parent a child. We adopted our son when he was 2-1/2 and he's a wonderful addition to our family. In fact, he has completed our family. We're perfectly happy with the way things worked out. Again, adoption isn't for everyone, but it has been wonderful for us.

Answer 14

I think first of all, you have to settle the issue of why you can't get pregnant. With modern technology, there are many ways to get pregnant via technology. It's all a matter of spending $$$$...

If you want adoption, before jumping into it, I would suggest that you read all about it. Having a child is a joy forever, but you have to understand all about adopting and the special needs that adoptive children have.

get to read more about adoption at http://www.realsavvymoms.com/index.php?o...