Adoption or Raise?

Question

okay, since im only 14 and preggo, id like to know what would be easier for the baby, adoption or me raising it, its just kinda hard cause i mean, i know babies take alot of work, and some people end up droping out of school to raise their kids when there young like me, and most of the time they dont get a job.

Answer 1

That's a very tough question to answer!  But, I'm glad to hear you mentioned only two options.  You're only 14 and it takes a lot to raise a baby, to give it what it needs for a good life.  Not that you wouldn't be a good mother, but you're so young yourself.  You have a whole lot of growing up to do.  There's so much you will miss out on because you have a child at home.  Do your parents know?  The choice is yours.  For one time in your life, it's okay to be selfish!  Think about what's best for YOU.  That baby could make a couple very happy and grateful.  They could give this child what you can only dream of!  I've been through this, too.  I wasn't as young as you.  But, I know I made the right choice.  I am fortunate to know that my child is healthy and very happy with her 'parents'.

Answer 2

I'm proud of you for considering those two options and not the selfish..I  mean.. third option.,

Either adoption or raising is going to have it's difficulties.. adoption could provide the child with a father, which is very important..it will definitely allow you to finish your education, and will give a family who

Don't let your decision be swayed by a few people who had bad experiences as an adoptee.. there are MANY many women like me who cannot have their own children and would be happy to have a baby to love.. The right adoption agency can help you find a family that you will be comfortable with..

if you chose this route I suggest you write a heartfelt letter to your baby and explain how you felt this would be the best option..for HIM/HER.. tell your child about yourself, give alot of history... ask the parents to allow your child to read this letter at an appropriate age.. such a letter can keep  your child from having abandonment issues and "where did I come from" issues..

HOWEVER... the ideal option may be to raise your chid.. this will be very difficult but it can be done!! If you have the right support system.. find out what your recourses are and how to get alot of help.. You won't have to worry about regrets or "what ifs" You'll always know what has happened to your  child... With the right help you CAN finish your education and get a job.. It's just going to take alot of work!!! But if you chose this option.. more power to you!! I'm sure you won't regret it, in the long run!

Statistically speaking, I hope you aren't counting on the father for any emotional or practical help..  you may be able to force him by law to give some financial help, but very few pregnant teens hve their boyfriends stick around for long..

Please stick to your decision to not abort..

Answer 3

a lot of interesting answers... but i wonder how many who are quick to suggest that you place your baby have actually been pregnant or faced with the decision.

1- not every 14 year old is doomed to being a poor, illiterate, welfare-queen.  the educational system has evolved so much that many girls are completing their educations (diplomas not GED) through distance learning and alternative education.  

2- your age is temporary.  in other words, you will get older, you will mature and you won't be a teen forever.  don't allow your adolescence to make you think you can't do it.  a very good friend of mine was a mom at 15 and now is completing her PhD in nursing. she and her daughter will graduate from the same college on that same day.

3-raising children is NOT easy, regardless of your age, finances or marital status.

4-there are tons of assistance programs that can get you over the "hump" so that you can get on your feet and complete your education.

5-losing your child to adoption is a permenant solution to a temporary problem.

6-open adoptions are NOT always legally enforceable.  many aparents can close them without your knowledge.

7-if you have that support of your family and the drive to complete your education and provide a good life for yourself, than i think you should find a way to keep your child.

8-there are many ways to cut the costs of having a baby. first, consider breastfeeding.  other than a pump for when you have to go to school/work and bottles, you are paying nothing... also, many health departments have WIC programs that will loan you a breast pump. also, babies do not need changing tables, bouncy chairs, pottery barn bedroom sets, orbit strollers nor kate spade diaper bags. many programs donate car-seats and cribs. and bumper pads are now considered a risk to babies, so that's more money you can save. also, get hand-me down clothes from a friend or family member who had a baby.  h**l, if i find out that my baby due in june is a boy and you are having a girl, i will gladly send you a lot of girl clothes, postage paid!

in other words, a baby doesn't need fancy stuff...but a baby needs a MOTHER's love. the people who believe that a kid needs all that stuff are people who have the money to buy it, and wish to throw their finances in your face.

you can email me if you wish... i was in the same situation and thought adoption was the answer.  i changed my mind and don't regret it at all.

Answer 4

I'm glad that while you realize adoption is one option that you are questioning whether it's the right thing.  That means that you realize the merit of keeping your family together.  One poster stated that wondering where your child is and if s/he is okay is YOUR concern, not your child's.  That's not entirely true.  Your child, like many adoptees, will wonder about you, as well.

This really is totally for you to decide, as you already know.  There are girls your age who raise their children and finish school.  It's not easy, and it takes a lot of support, but in the end, you and your own flesh and blood are not forever separated because of some stumbling blocks.  All families have stumbling blocks, including adoptive families.

My grandmother had my mother at 15 and raised her.  When my mother was 5, my grandmother married the husband with whom she spent the rest of her life.  They raised my mother and my aunt (their child together.)  

Have you spoken with your parents and other family members?  What kind of support do you have?  What about the father's parents and other family members?  There are ways to keep your family together.  I really sense that this is what you want.  You want to know what's easier for the baby?  If you can provide your baby love, family and all the necessities with support, then that's what's best for your baby.  

Don't worry about people who want a baby.  You don't own anyone your child just because you are young.  Your child isn't meant to fulfill someone else's dream of raising a child.  S/he is your child and you are his/her mother.   Adoption is about finding parents for children who don't have parents, not about finding children for people who want to be parents.  At this point, your baby still has a mother -- you.  

There is no guarantee your child will have a better life if you relinquish him/her.  Just like any other family, adoptive families are human.  Some are very good, some aren't so good.  

I just wanted to give you the other side of the story.  Adoption is forever.  You can't go back and get your baby in a couple of years when you're out of school and working.  Just think seriously before you make your decision and look at ALL the options available for you and your child.

eta:

I meant to mention as well, that open adoptions are not enforceable.  That means that if, at any point, the adoptive parents choose to make the adoption a closed adoption, they can.  You have no say and no recourse if they choose to do this.

Answer 5

This is a really hard decision. 14 is very young to be rasing a baby. If you choose to raise the baby do you have support from your family? What are the chances of you having to drop out of school?

I have a friend who got pregnant young & she decided that the best thing for the baby was to give him up for adoption. She never regretted it. She was able to keep in touch with the family  that adopted her son & knows that he is much better off. It really is a personal choice though.

My best friend didn't give her daughter up for adoption & did have to drop out of school. She ended up give her daughter up a year later because it was too hard & still never finished school. Good luck to you!

Answer 6

If you have support, if you can be a good mom, keep your baby. Simple as that.

YOU have control over whether you drop out of school. And I'd strongly suggest you stay in school--AND go to college--AND keep your baby. Yes, you can do all of that. You'll have to change your lifestyle, you'll have to be dedicated, but you can ABSOLUTELY do it--yes, at fourteen, too--if you've got support.

And don't read any of those dang lists about how much it costs to have/raise a baby. They're complete c**p. Exersaucers are NOT a necessity--people have been raising children for thousands of years without bouncy chairs, swings, exersaucers, jumpers, blah blah blah. There are much much cheaper ways to stimulate your baby's developing mind. (Hint: plastic measuring spoons on a ring are a GREAT baby toy!) Also, generics cut cost a LOT--diapers, wipes, shampoo... Crib bumpers are actually often NOT recommended these days, because of sudden infant death syndrome. Formula--you  might have to use some if you're going to school, but you can breastfeed as much as possible--and if you can manage to pump enough for the times you're not there to feed baby, then you can skip the cost of formula completely. Changing table? Completely unnecessary. And on, and on... For the few things that ARE necessities, there are an abundance of low-cost options (Goodwill, rummage sales, Ebay, garage sales, hand-me-downs...)

First step: figure out what YOU want. Do you want to raise your baby? If the answer is yes, then your next step is simply to MAKE IT HAPPEN. You'll need to be strong, you'll need to spend time figuring out the resources available to you, and you'll need to resist any pressure you get to relinquish for adoption... but if you know, in your heart of hearts, that you can raise this child--then do it. Make it happen.

(((Hugs)))

Good luck.

Answer 7

I think you have to really look at your situation.  Do you think you have enough support to raise the baby and go to school? Is the support gonna be around for the rest of your high school career?  What does your family say?  Will they help?  

Honestly I think ti comes down to if you feel like you can handle it all, and still make it work.  If you don't think you can handle it then look into open adoption.  That way you know who is taking your baby. SOme cases you can choose who you want to have your baby.  

It sounds like you know excatly what can happen if you keep your baby, and the worries.  It really is up to you if you decide you can face these challenges, with a ton of support, and keep the baby.

Answer 8

Open adoption will ensure that you will always know where your child is and how your child is doing, because you will know the adoptive parents and have visits with your child.

Good luck!

Answer 9

OK this is something only you can decide. 14 Is very young to be having a child, and I agree that your childhood will have totally dissapeared once the baby is born. It will be hard looking after a child at your age, but If you have the support of a good family then you can do it! Sunny is right in what she says about budgeting and so forth, but I will tell you now that breastfeeding isnt that easy! Some people find it impossible (i did) and some people take to it. Are you from UK? If so, then you should be able to get milk tokens from welfare foods. They are free and single mothers are entitles to free formular and cows milk. Not sure about USA. Anyway, I think you need to talk to more than just Y/A and get real help. Its a decision that will have you allover the place,

GOOD LUCK

Answer 10

Raising it would be nice and then adoption would be easier for you. I think you should try an open adoption so you can still see your kid and know whats going on but you dont have to take most of the responsibilities you would have to if you wre to keep it.

Answer 11

I would suggest an open adoption. That way you can know your child is being well taken care of.  You can write letters to you child , get pictures and in some cases see the child. You are very young and not that a baby isn't a wonderful thing but you are not ready for motherhood. You have a lot of life left to live and with a baby you won't do a lot of it.

Answer 12

You are very young to be raising a baby and you seem aware of how your life will be affected.

There are options as far as the amount and type of contact

you have with the child you give up.

Open adoptions are a good option, you can have some control and really know what happens in time.

You can contact a reputable adoption agency and they can educate you and assist you in a healthy safe adoption.

No matter what you choose, best of luck and take care.

Answer 13

You've asked what would be easier for the baby - in other words, what would give your child the best chances in life.

I think it's pretty easy to see that it would be to place your child for adoption with a loving, mature couple capable of providing both emotional and financial support.

At 14, you're not likely to find much in the way of work, much less work that pays well enough to support a child.  If you were 17, the answer might be different.  

Most of the negatives you've cited - wondering where the baby is, how she's doing, etc. - are things you'll need to deal with, NOT your child.

Self-sacrifice is the first lesson of parenthood.  You're learning it young, but it sounds like you're smart enough to understand the lesson.

Best wishes.

Answer 14

Hi Expecting Mom!

I've been a maternity nurse for many years and I've seen many teenage moms.  I've always been pleasantly surprised how little help they need from the nursing staff to learn to care for their babies, it just seems to come naturally to them.  It's amazing how they seem to intuitively know just what to do.  So for all those people who say you can't do it because you're so young, I disagree.  I've seen young women your age do it many, many times.  

Is is hard taking care of a baby?  Yes, of course it is, but it's hard at any age.  I've also seen lots of moms who are much older than you, mid to late thirties and into their forties.  These moms are definitely NOT always better at taking care of their babies.  They often get easily overwhelmed and have a very difficult time adjusting to to taking care of an infant.  So just because you give your baby to an older couple to adopt as some people here are suggesting, it doesn't mean they are better prepared to take care of YOUR baby, they may just have more money, that's all.  Remember that, too, it will be your baby, and you are the best mother for him or her.  A stranger will not understand your baby like you will, because your baby will be your flesh and blood, not theirs

I was in college when I got pregnant.  I used every government program available to me-AFDC, WIC, Medicaid, etc.  I finished Nursing School in two years after she was born, and have been working ever since.

People will give/lend you a lot of things either as hand-me-downs or when you have a baby shower.  Anything I wasn't given I bought used.  Crib $70, high chair $25, change table $30, clothing 50 cents to $5 at used clothing stores...well you get the idea.  Babies don't know if their stuff is new or used and they don't care.  My daughter has no memory of any of that, all she knows is that she's raised by her very own real mother that loves her very much.  That's what matters to a baby.  

Many high school districts have childcare programs to help teen moms finish school.  Go speak to your counselor about what's available in your area.  People will help you if you tell them that you are definitely keeping your baby.  If you tell them you're not sure, you will most likely be pushed to give your baby away because it's easier on all of THEM and there's always someone who wants to get their hands on your newborn.  

You asked what would be easier for the baby...without a doubt, it will be easier for your baby if you keep him/her and raise your baby yourself.   I know because I was adopted, and it sucks so much.

Answer 15

At 14, my opinion, you should put your baby up for adoption.  Today, the way adoption is done, there is no reason that you can't know your child and have a relationship with it as it grows up.  But you have so much growing up to do yourself, and school to finish and without school you'll never be able to get a job that will reasonably support your child.  The best thing is for your baby to have grown-up parents who are ready and able to have a baby.

Answer 16

I hate to see people who have not lost a child to adoption and who do not know the pain of losing a child to adoption give you advice to place your child for adoption. Bottom line is, they don’t know the pain and agony of living without their son or daughter. I do. I lost my baby at birth to adoption and I can tell you that this is not a healthy choice.

I’ve read the comments above – people are saying things like

“You need to have a future as well as your baby.” – What do you think your future will be like without your baby? What is your baby’s future without his/her mother?

“I would suggest an open adoption.” – There are no guarantees, or legal enforcements that an open adoption will remain open, or even what an “open adoption” means. Maybe you get a picture once a year of another woman holding your baby – is that going to make everything okay????

“There's so much you will miss out on because you have a child at home.” - On the other hand, if you have a child at home, you get to be there and celebrate every single day and all of the “firsts” in between! Hellooooo – people will baby sit for you occasionally!

If you go to an adoption agency it is very, very, very likely that they will tell you how wonderful you are for thinking of what is best for you child. What is best for your child is to remain with YOU and his/her extended family, his aunts, uncles, nephew, nieces, grandparents, etc. You will likely be told that that you are a wonderful person to give your child to strangers who really want a baby but can’t have one. You know what, you don’t owe anyone your child. An agency or adoption lawyer will make money off of your child – don’t be fooled!

Is there someone in your immediate family who you feel that you trust the most? Someone who has always been there for you and encouraged you? Can you talk to this adult and tell them your situation and that you’d really like to be the mother to your baby but you need their help? It is really crucial to find a (n) adult(s) who will support you and your baby.

I hope that you can raise your child and if not that someone in your immediate family can. There is such a thing as “Kinship caregiver” help (just google “kinship care” – you’ll find resources!) You are eligible for a variety of government programs to help you and your child thrive – together!

Here are links to some resources:

http://originsusa.memberlodge.org/Defaul...

http://motherhelp.info/keepingyourchild....

http://motherhelp.info/

http://www.childwelfare.gov/supporting/i...

http://www.girl-mom.com/

People keep saying that it is your choice – and yes, it is, but you need supportive adults to help you look through these resources and to help you figure out how to access them. I had just turned 21 when I lost my child because I didn’t have support and I was not resourceful enough to figure these things out on my own. This is simply not a good reason to lose your child – possibly forever.

I’m really happy to see a few responses from women who were young and kept their children – they made it work – and they and other young mom’s out there will be good role models for you.

Email me if you like.

Best of luck!

Edit to add: See Playsteinway's comment below: I want you to see the attitude of someone who may adopt your child if you chose to place your child. She is basically saying that because you don't have the money (as a 14 year old) to provide all of the gimmicky stuff to "keep your child safe" you will be a failure. Same old, same old scare tactics used by people who have benefitted by having the pleasure of raising OUR sons and daughters. They've benefitted from adoption so they want to "spread the love". Don't listen to that nonsense! Money is not the most important aspect of raising a child; love is. You and your child deserve to be together!

This is why you NEED to find a supportive adult who can help you stand up to the people who think it is fine to separate families - there are lots of them out there - and most have never experienced losing a child. We live in a very wealthy country with lots of (but not enough) resources for keeping families together. Get support - keep your child!!!

Answer 17

Only you know the true answer to how you feel and what you feel that you can handle well.  The fact that you are even considering adoption tells me that you are at least mature enough to make decisions.

I was adopted and know that had my birth mom not been so unselfish and giving and loving I would not have had the wonderful parents and opportunities that I have had.  I adopted my own daughter when she was 11 years old and will definitely do it again.  

Friends of mine have adopted from a situation similar to yours and keep up with sending photos, letters and life updates to this young girl.  At this time she does not want contact, but they have all agreed that it may happen someday in the future.  Meanwhile she has been able to stay in school, enjoy her friends and activities that most junior high and high school kids can enjoy and do.

Another girl I met decided to keep her baby, she was 15 years old.  she delivered in the summer-so did not have to miss any school and went back in the fall.  However, the boyfriend left (almost immediately) and relations are strained with her parents mainly because her mom had to quit work to take care of her baby while this girl goes to school.  She not only has school to take care of, but all the normal baby and now toddler things that come up.  She can't go out on a date, or hang out with friends or really do anything except school because she needs to be responsible.  She is pretty miserable!

And yet another girl-but she was a bit older at 17, did quit school and finished by homeschooling herself to raise her little girl.  While she did not really  have any help from her parents, the boyfriends mom really helped her out.  (The boyfriend cheated on her while she was pregnant and left shortly after the baby was born)  She is a great mom, but says she definitely couldnt have done it without the help she has been given.  She's now in Beauty school and is hoping to finish in march to get a good job.  

So there are some options that really dont help you-but at least you know there are others that are out there!  Email me privately if you like and I'm sure any of these girls would talk to you if you need someone's insight that has been down that path before.

Great big hug to you that you have chosen to give birth rather than an abortion.  A big thank you from all of us that are adopted!!!

Answer 18

14 is a young age to be a mom when you aren't legal to work anywhere yet (and even with permit you could only work part time at minimum wage somewhere- and that is NOT enough to raise a child on!), plus you have a life ahead of you in education and growing up. Adoption makes the best sense.

Raising a child is not cheap. It's also not easy. It totally commands your attention 24-7-365.

Diapers: $80 a month

Formula: $100 a month

Doctors/Pediatrician visits- $$$$ (especially with no insurance coverage)

Plus you need to consider saftey issues in baby equipment, supplies (like diaper pail/genies, wipes, changing table, crib, crib mattress (no, cribs don't get sold with those!), blankets, bumper pads, etc.. first aid and personal care items for babies)....

Car Seat in infant size (good for about 3 months), then a bigger car seat for older infants/toddlers and later down the road a booster seat -  $$$$

Eventually a highchair $$$

My son is 10 months old and in the course of his life so far my husband and I have spent THOUSANDS of dollars for things that he needs to stay healthy and cared for in terms of formula, bottles, diapers, wipes, care items, furniture, clothing, food.   Add in developmental toys like exersaucers (average is $70 for one, some more), floor/tummy gym toys, strollers, carriers, sippy cups,..... It really adds up.  How are you going to support a child if you had to do it alone? It would be hard if not impossible at 14.

You can do an independent adoption with a homestudy approved family that has an adoption attorney ready to go OR you can use an agency, however, be careful in what agencies tell you and what they do for YOU as a birth parent placing a child.  Understand your rights and legal issues. Know what is involved in relinquishment of rights as a parent (once you do it you can't go back!), open, semi open and closed adoptions so you make the best choice for you, etc...

Adoptive families whether independent or not are put through background checks, homestudies with social workers and other precautions to help children placed into their family be in a safe, loving, stable environment for the well being of the child.

Answer 19

If you think  you would drop out of school in order to raise your baby, then I would look more into adoption.  You are so young! You need to have a future as well as your baby.  There are so many married couples out there unable to have their own babies and would for sure love to adopt yours.  There are even options to where you can interview various couples and know about them before you decide who to give your baby to, that way you know your child is going to good home.  Your child will have a loving family and be well taken care of, while you'll be able to stay in school, go to college, and have a great future.  I couldn't imagine going through what you're going through and I hope you make the right decision for both you and your baby.

Answer 20

Hopefully you have look for the resources in your area that can help you with such a HUGE question.

My mom was sixteen, and even though she had the support of her mother to raise me...she decided against it. Now she owns her own business and has been happily married for 10 years.

My husband's mom was 17 - she raised him. It wasn't easy..however she had the support of her family and older sisters.

14 is so young..you have so much a head of you! Find a crisis pregnancy center that can give you lots of support. They are FREE and supported by volunteers, many who have been where you are. They are experts in showing you what is available to you in raising your baby..government support, church support, family support...

http://www.lifecall.org/

Answer 21

Will it be hard? Yes. Will it be worth it? YES!

Babies are only babies for a few years. Soon enough they are in pre-school/nursery school (which would be perfect timing if you keep up your education, and then consider going to college), kindergarten, and then regular school. There are a multitude of assistance programs to help you through the tough spots. And as so many people have pointed out,  babies don't need any of that expensive (and often dangerous) stuff. My babies slept in my bed (no crib), used cotton diapers (one-time cost of around $50; over 10 years later I'm still using them for cleaning rags), nursed (free!), and enjoyed a lot of gifts and hand-me-downs from friends and family. Not because I couldn't afford those things: I researched and learned that the best thing for kids is to keep things simple. The one thing a baby needs over anything and everything else is to hear your heartbeat and smell your skin. Even when they're a lot older, holding them to you brings their memory back to the mother/child bond in an instant.

It is not easier for a baby to lose his or her mom. There are a few family situations where it might become necessary, but that option should only be a last resort.

Answer 22

Hi Kylah,

Awww thats my daughters name too.  If you want the blunt truth i'm your girl!

1.  journal.  Figure out who you are and what are your hopes and dreams.  Ex.  At a young age I knew i wasn't strong enough to be a single mom.  I knew i wanted to be a vet.  That i was strong enough to place a child for adoption only with a family i knew.  I did know a family by the way.  That was just ME NOT YOU.  Again i ask who are you?  What are your hopes and dreams?  Do you imagine yourself strong enough to raise a child now?  Are you strong enough to place a baby for adoption?

2.  Find support.  Tell your parents, your boyfriend, his parents, etc.  They will yell at first but they'll get over it.  When things have calmed down ask if anyone is willing to help.  Again ask yourself if i have help can i do this?  If i don't have help can i do this?

3.  Make a plan.  Investigate school.  I know there are a lot of options for teenage mothers out there to continue schooling.  You will have to continue schooling either way.  Do the schools offer daycares?  Make a list of questions.

4.  Money.  Find out if you get food stamps or any other kind of financial help.  Would you and your child be covered medically?  Make a list of questions.

5.  Rummage sales this summer is a cheap and great way to get baby items and clothing.

6.  Talk to an adoption agency.  MAKE SURE YOU ARE NOT PRESSURED IN ANYWAY.  Bring an adult or friend with you.  Just hear the basics.  Do your homework and see if it is something you can do.

7.  This is your decision to make!  No one else has to live in your shoes.  Do not let your parents, your boyfriend, the adoption agency or any one talk you into anything!

If you choose adoption at any point before you sign the papers you can change your mind and parent.  If there is pressure for you to sign, remember you are in control and tell them you need more time or its off.  They'll back off trust me.  Its okay to change your mind and parent.

If you choose parenting and you are overwhelmed with no support and you think you can't do it, its not too late to change your ming and choose adoption.

Take is slow.  Get to know yourself. You do not have to make a decision one way or the other immediately.  You call the shots.  Whatever you decide i wish you and your child the best of luck.   Come back and ask us advice anytime.  You have alot of great and diverse advice.  Take care of yourself, Kylah!  You'll get through this.

I hope my advice was objective and not telling you what to choose one way or the other.  Thats what i was aiming for.

Answer 23

Dear Mom,

I hope you are doing well, pregnancy at any age is scarey.

I hope you have alot of family support. Do you? Is there someone, ANYONE, in your family that can help you through this? It doesn't have to be your mom or dad. The first thing you need is a good support system.

No one can make that decision for you. You will have to do some research. You need an adult to help you. Does your school have a counselor that can tell you where to go and what to do once your baby is born? They make accommodations for students in your situation. Alot of young mothers actually do very well after the baby is born because they realize they HAVE to. You are a mother now. After I had my child, my whole perspective changed. It doesn't matter how old you are, everyone who has ever had a child goes through it. You really need to take some child development classes. You need to understand the different stages of growth. Sometimes babies cry and there's nothing you can do about it. If you know that, it won't be as frustrating. If you understand why children do what they do, you'll have more patience. You'll understand that it's all a process of growing up.

1. Find a supportive adult that will help you know where you can get food, clothing, etc...

2. Take as many parenting classes as you can. Children change all the time. Read alot.

3. You'll be ok.

4. Don't make any decisions until you have had the baby and give it your best shot. Life is difficult, but the rewards make it worth it. Don't rush into anything. You can't undo an adoption. "Open" adoptions aren't legally binding, and more times than not, they will cut you out. Have the baby, try to care for your child, and if you decide you can't do it, then that's the time to rethink your options.

Mom, I wish you the very best. Keep your chin up.

EDIT:

I gave my first baby up for adoption. I regret it everyday. I didn't understand that I could have done it. I didn't know where to go or look for help. Like the other poster said, you don't need alot for the baby. You need love and determination. If everyone is mad at you now, that will hopefully change after you give birth, it usually does.

My adoption was "open", but then I was cut off. That's normal, desperate people will say and do anything for a baby.

You can email me, I've been through it.

Answer 24

Yes, you're absolutely right. 14 is quite young. Will you be 15 by the time this child is born?  That's young too, I realize.  The fact is that today you don't have to drop out of school to raise your child.  And if you do decide to keep your child, I STRONGLY encourage you to finish your education.  You will be much better prepared to support yourself and your child.  Consider college, trade school, or ROP classes, also.

I was a teen mom before there were programs that allow parents to finish their educations.  Fortunately for me, I started school early & was able to graduate mid year after taking AP night classes at the community college during the semester I was pregnant.  I ended up going back to college to get an AA degree so I could earn a better living.  I had no support from my family or my daughter's dad.  I didn't know I couldn't do it.  And when someone told me I couldn't, I took it as a dare.  "Oh yeah? Watch me!"  

Bottom line is this - it won't be easy.  But it is doable.  Yes, you won't be able to go out partying with your friends.  The trade of is this: in later years, when your friends are home taking care of their new babies, you'll be off on a cruise or traveling to fun locals in your early & mid 30's.  

So, you figure out what's best for you and your baby.  You can be a good mom if you want to be.  You must only make up your mind that that is what you want to do, then set about getting the help & support you need, & learning how to make it happen.  Figure it out.  

Best wishes, my young friend.  E-mail me if you like.  Listen to your own heart.

ETA: To Sunny's list, add www.freecycle.com  You can find many things you need for free. I just picked up a play yard from someone who no longer needs it.  I've donated many things through this site, as well.  Freecycle is all over the US. Good luck!

Answer 25

I just turned 21 and i'm preg too. I'm married and still scared about the whole mothering thing so I can only imagine how hard this must be for you. My heart goes out to you. My aunt adopted a little girl a couple fo years ago from a foreign country, but they met the birth mom and spent time with her to let her know that their daughter would be in good hands. If you decide to keep your baby, you will need to make sure to have a good strong support system standing by you willingto help out while ur in school and don't be afraid to ask for help. There are services out there you can use until you get on ur feet. It will take many years but if you choose to--you can over come it. My mom was 16 when she got preg. with me. Now she has a good career and a home. My dad is making a lot of money doing his job and has a  new home, new car. It all ends up on how hard you fight to overcome your circumstances. If you decide to adopt there is what is called an "open adoption" where the adoptive parents and you come to a legal understanding that you will still be a part of this child'slife, not as a mom, but as an aunt, godparent, etc so you can see the progress of their childhood. Some children are even aware at a young age that their "aunt" is really their bio,. mother, but just couldn't take care of them, so mommy and daddy took me. These adoptions actually do quite well from what I've heard. The child grows up with not one set of parents, but an extra one on the side too. You don't have to make a decision right away (if you're not that far along) look into the services available in ur area and local adoption agencies and weigh the pros and cons of each. Good luck! I REALLY hope this helps! Stay strong!

Answer 26

As far as your baby is concerned, you are the perfect mother, the one and only. Separation causes lifelong heartache to baby and also many moms. I am an adoptee, I would rather my mother abort me than give me to strangers. Please consider allowing your baby to return to the cosmos if you don't plan to keep, love and mother your baby.

Make sure you get the father named on the birth certificate, and hold him or his family responsible for child support.

Yes, motherhood is difficult, but it's also wonderful. It wasn't that many generations ago when many mothers were your age. Our bodies would not carry a pregnancy if were were not meant to be a mother.

http://www.keepyourbaby.com/

http://www.girlmom.com

http://www.exiledmothers.com/speaking_ou...

If you choose to breastfeed and carry your baby, parenting is much easier, because your baby will be very happy, and the two of you will be like one. Check out some info.  on "babywearing."  Also these parenting choices don't require much financial investment. You can get by without a crib (cosleeping is best for breastfeeding, you'll get more sleep too) don't need a stroller or bucket - just keep your baby close to your body - that's where little ones feel best, because growing inside you s/he gets used to the way you move. Cloth diapering is a one time expense and better for the envirenment. So is breastfeeding - formula is NASTY, you will be the only one able to provide the right immunity, nutrition and calming peaceful meals for your baby. It is kind of tough at first, but once you get the hang of it it becomes soooo easy.

The school and work stuff will fall into place. If need be you could always get a work from home job. https://www.wahm.com has some legit ideas.

Answer 27

If you don't want to keep the baby, just remember the father has a right to it before anyone else does.  Not only that but if you decide to  keep the baby, the father also has a right in the raising and support of the baby.  He also has the right to challenge you for full custody.

Answer 28

Whatever you do, absolutely do NOT abandon the child to the adoption industry.

Do NOT contact an adoption agency they will tell you whatever you want to hear then drop you like a hot potato after the papers are signed.

Generally speaking, I would say yes, 14 is too young to be a mother. But perhaps you are an exception. Only you know if you have the support required to raise a child at such a young age. I have a friend who got pregnant at 16 and currently is very sucessful, working on her master's degree. She had the help of a loving grand-mother supporting her through the early years of raising her child. It can be done.

On the other hand, maybe your situation is terrible, no help, etc you didn't say. If that is the case then I would strongly advocate for an abortion ASAP.

Answer 29

You are correct about young people dropping out and not getting a job. For you it would be better for adoption, and it just depends on the people you give him/her to as to whether it would be better for him/her.

Answer 30

It is really up to you, and I am assuming you didn't abort, so that leaves two choices.  Developmentally it would be difficult to raise the child, you would miss your youth and there are many adoptive parents out there who will make great parents.  If you go open adopting you can maybe still be involved.  (although that is not legally binding)

Please be careful posting on this forum as there are alot of people who want a baby who may "troll".  If you do decide to give your child up please do it through a reputable agency or allow your parents to hlep you out.  Do not let people solicit you on the internet.

Good luck with your choices.

Answer 31

i think that question is for you to decide....