Adoption question....Please Advise?

Question

I have had trouble conceiving for many years. I have a 6 year old son. He is my miracle. My question is this.....My co-workers cousin gave birth this week to a premature baby. She was unaware that she was even pregnant and does NOT want this baby. My co-worker told her about me and how much I have wanted a baby. The girl is considering letting my husband and I adopt this baby. This girl seeks no money - she just wants a good family for this baby. The medical bills will be taken care of on her end. I have my fingers crossed on this. Would I just need to get an adoption attorney?? The father will be willing to sign his rights away also, I dont know if it makes a difference but i live in Chicago. Sorry so long...just wanted to get as much info in here as i could.

Answer 1

You need an attorney who specializes in adoption. They are the only ones who will be your advocate in this process.

Answer 2

Yes get a lawyer to sort this all out. Since the mother wants you, all you need to do is some legal paperwork stating that you(and your husband/boyfriend/fiance if you have one) is the legal gaurdian(s) of this baby and you will care for him/her. It might take 6 months to a year but you will be able to adopt this baby. The BirthMother and the BirthFather will also have to sign away their rights, but as you said, they are willing too.

Now durring the adoption process, the baby will be able to live with you, so you don't have to worry about that.

Good luck and GodBless!

Answer 3

Absolutely get an attorney. Do this first because you will also have to get an adoption agency to do a home study on you and your family. Massachusetts does not allow "private" adoptions - which is what this would be considered - private adoptions were rescinded in MA. in 1976. Also, this adoption will be an inter-state adoption which involves both MA. and IL. It is difficult to work out but certainly not possible. If you don't want the parents or other family members to come back into your lives and haunt you down the line and try to get custody of this child please do this legally now - it will cost you some money for legal and adoptive fees but will be will worth it. Some adoption agencies charge a sliding fee according to your income. Most do not and you want to make sure the baby is not given to anyone else - hence the reason for an attorney - probably two attorneys - one in MA. and one in IL. I would suggest you contact an attorney in IL. ASAP and have him contact a colleague in MA. to speak with the birth mother. They will work together to make sure your best interests and the baby's are being met. The Attorney can even recommend an adoption agency for you.  I know this sounds long and complicated but it will be worth it.  

I adopted 5 children and they were the joys of my life.  Good luck to you. Keep me posted.

Ellie

Answer 4

Yes you should contact a lawyer to handle the legal aspects.

But as you said, the father has to first give up parental rights.  If he wants to parent his child, he should be given deference.  It is the right thing to do.

Answer 5

Um..get a lawyer. I would also really talk with the girl to make sure she really knows what she is doing. i would be afarid she would change her mind.

Answer 6

Definitely get an attorney.....it protects you and the birth parents.  PLUS it will make everything clear.  It is very easy to let emotions, thoughts and feelings get in the way of legal issues.    

If you let your attorney be the "PROFESSIONAL" you can be released of that pressure.  I've worked at a Family Service/Dept. of Children Family Service in the state of Illinois.

Plus I am an adult adoptee who re-connected with my birth parent (they contacted me).  On the adoptee side I like the idea of having pictures and information as well.  Just make it clear who is the mom.  Just my opinion from my adoptee experience.

Good luck with everything!

Answer 7

"The mother definitly does not want the baby - she has no stable home, family to help her, a job, or means to support this baby. Plus I will keep her posted w/ pics and possible visits."

Her cousin IS family - why is she not willing to help HER cousin keep this child? Does this woman know what assistance if available to her to help keep her child? Is her cousin willing to help her explore these options?

I lost my son to adoption many years ago because I had no one supporting me, nor did I have any idea of what government assistance was available to me because I grew up in a middle class family - didn't know anything about food stamps, wic, ect. Has this woman every given birth before? Does she know what it will be like to lose her child - forever - (pictures of another woman holding her child will not replace her experience of raising her child)? Is she able to get extensive counseling from an unbiased professional (someone outside of an adoption agency)? Thinking back on the emotional experience of giving birth to your son, do you think that one week is enough time for a woman struggling with hormones/post partum to make a life-long, life-changing decision to relinquish her child?

Women's shelter's and other single-mom co-ops can provide the type of stable living conditions this woman needs.

She may feel that she does not want this child now because she doesn't have any support - but is that any reason for a woman to lose her child in a country as wealthy as ours?

I hope that you do everything you can to support this woman keeping her child. Because you have been through child birth and know how precious your flesh and blood is to you, I hope that you will see that everything is done for this mother/child relationship to remain as it should be.

Answer 8

seek a lawyer to make sure things work out in the best intrest for the baby & birth mother, and u & ur husband

Answer 9

Answering some of your questions:   Yes, it makes a difference if you live in Chicago, because each State has its own Adoption laws. In some States, the parents have up to 6 months to change their minds AFTER they have signed Relinquishment documents.   This would be a difficult situation for adoptive parents and for the baby.   Yes, you would need an adoption attorney, and this would be expensive.   Also, the cousin could contact the co-worker in the future, to gain access to your confidential information.