Adoption question? please help?

Question

So. I was adopted through Bethany Christian Services. My real mom had me when she was 15 so now she is about 27. And i've had many people ask me if i ever talk to my real mom and i say no because i don't know how to get in contact with her. And they ask if i know her or seen her and it makes me really sad because i want to start talking to her :( How can i get in contact with her?

Answer 1

I started the search at the end of last year and found mine.

What I did.

1.Do research on the state laws that you were born in, and live in about adoption information. Find out how old you have to be. Sometimes you have to call the government and they'll have a specific office that handles this.

(I was born is Wisconsin, so I found a page on WI's government website that had a form to fill out requesting information. I also had to be 18, and I was.)

2. Fill out the nesesary paperwork/ pay the fees.

(They also said I could write a letter to my b. mom explaining why I wanted contact with her.)

3. Send it in the mail.

4. Call that specific office where it should be getting sent to a few days after you send the paperwork to make sure they got it.

(They received mine after about 3 days. They said they will get back to me in a couple days on the status.)

5. If you don't hear back from them in a week or two call them back.

(There were problems getting my records from Montana, where I was sent to. Half of my records were in MT, WI, and IL. But they called me back after another week.)

6. They will call you back with the info on if your parent wants contact too, or not.

(They were able to locate my b. mom in a week, but it took a few weeks to get all my paperwork. She had to sign something and then they sent me her info.)

7. Have a great time talking to her!

Not all stories turn out as great as mine did.

I did a youtube video on my adoption story with excerpts from my b. mom's, mom's and my journal entries.

Maybe you should watch it, to get a feel for what you'r b. mom could have been going through. It also has in there the letter I wrote to my b. mom when I wanted contact. It has clips from when I was a baby with my b. mom, with my family, me growing up, and the first time I went to meet them. It might be worth watching.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAeJw3oti...

Answer 2

Well, I would check with your parents first.  They may have contact information from the adoption.  Bethany Christian Services had an option to leave information on file for when an adopted child turns 18.  I think it is only open to children that have turned 18.  You may want to contact Bethany for that information.

Answer 3

Ease of information access is dependent upon the state in which you were born.  Some states will give you your original birth certificate when you are an adult.  It will have your first mother's name on it, and sometimes your first father's name, as well.

All states will give you what it called non-identifying information (non-id.)  In order to find out more about what information and resources are readily available to you, as well as how to obtain your non-id, you can go to this link and click on the state in which you were adopted.  http://adopteerights.net/nulliusfilius/?...  Non-identifying information will not give you full names, but the information in it can prove quite helpful in a search.

Be sure to sign up with the International Soundex Reunion Registry at http://isrr.net.  It is the largest reunion registry in the world.  

Answer 4

It depends on what kind of adoption you had.  Mine was considered an "open adoption" however I was still not able to meet my birth mom until i was 18.  You will need to call the adoption agency and find the specifics of your adoption.  

Just some advice..please take it or leave it.. If you do decide to meet her, counseling for both of you can be very helpful before you make your introductions.  You never know how it is going to go so it is best to take it slow and really explore any emotions or issues that might come up.  I think its also a good idea to include your adopted parents in the process so that they don't feel threatened. (especially since you are still so young- you really have no clue who this woman will be so play it safe)

Also, we found it nice to communicate through letters and then phone calls first.  This way you can learn about each other before that awkward first time meeting.  Best of luck to you.  

Answer 5

you might have to wait until you are 18.

Answer 6

listen to me: YOU DO NOT WANT TO MEET HER. My bio mum gave birth to me when she was 16... now she is 30 and i meet her once a while... UNFORTUNATELY. i wish i never met her.  It feels so bad to see who she really is. I dont want you to feel that way. My opinion for you is to STAY AWAY...!!!

But whatever you decide be sure first...