Adoption question.plz answer?!?

Question

oh shut up girl.okay i'm not married but if i said i was 14 ppl would be like you have alot of time to think about that and i didn't ask this question to be wasted on and not get a answer.god tards.well i'll just have my own children.

Answer 1

Poohbear, darling, I'm an adoption social worker.  You need to look at your statements.

I WANT to adopt.  I WANT a newborn baby so I CAN take care of it.  I ALSO WANT A BABY GIRL TO LOOK LIKE ME TOO.  

Would I be able to name her.

If you came into my office, I'd have serious concerns.

First off, I know how badly you want to be a regular mom.  I've been through infertility myself.  Let me tell you, ALL adoptive moms are REGULAR moms, they just got here another way is all. Until you make peace with that and are more secure, you aren't ready for this.

My main concern would be how focused you are on superfacial things like how the baby looks.  My son and daughter look nothing like me and they are my biological children.  I didn't get to pick if my son was a boy or my daughter a girl (because she' be Joe right now and about 2 years older) why should you? My mother has 5 biological children, none of us look alike.  This should not be your main focus when expanding your family through adoption.  This is a child, not a fashion accessory.

That focus shows insecurity in your decision to adopt and immaturity in your thought.  HUGE RED FLAG.

If a healthy baby boy came along, you wouldn't want it.  RED FLAG...you don't want to be a mommy for a baby...you want a baby for you and that isn't what adoption is about.

Secondly, there are no adoption facilities that have a sort of catalog for you to pick the child you want.  It takes YEARS to get an infant....YEARS....that is for people who are open to gender, race, and appearance.  It isn't like we have a warehouse of babies somewhere.  For every one newborn I get I have 12 parents waiting.  Parents who's reasons for wanting a child are a bit more mature than yours.  You thinking that there is some surplus of babies somewhere shows "unrealistic expectations of the adoption process." HUGE RED FLAG TO A GOOD SOCIAL WORKER.

I'm not trying to be critical or hurt your feelings, but if you go in with these statements, you aren't going to find a good agency who will work with you.  You'll find attorneys, or crappy agencies that will suck about $3,000 from you minimum, do a home study and stick you on a waiting list for 2 years, not much will happen in those 2 years, and you'll have to pay all over again in another 2 years.

Also, no birth mother I've ever worked with would select you with your thought process.

They look for "We have a loving home and a secure marriage.  We want to share this with a child that needs love."  NOT "I want a baby I can name and that can look like me."

You need to seriously take a look at why you want to adopt.  I'm sure you have better reasons than the ones you named.  Every adopted parent feels like you do deep inside, but I always recommend that they have grieved the loss of their own biological children and are ready to make mature decisions.  Your question shows you may not be there.

You also need to get realistic about the process.  It is long long long.

And yes, I do adoptions with 12 years and you can always change a name, no matter how old the child is.

Again, I don't want to hurt your feelings or do a yahoo attack.  But someone, who doesn't stand to make any money off you (and let me tell you, adoptive parents who really want a baby are easy pickings for sleaze balls...I've gotten clients who have been royally screwed) needs to tell you straight!

Answer 2

I have adopted twice. The agency I used lets you be pretty selective on age, and race. You can pretty much tell them you want a half white, half black baby for instance.  You can not look at pictures before hand, especially if you want a newborn. This agency will match you up with a lady that is still pregnant.  You can always try to match with someone who looks as much like you as possible.  The only thing you can't ask is for a specific gender, and that is because the doctors are not always correct when they tell the birthmom that it is a boy or girl.  Here is the website.

www.adoptionhelp.org

Answer 3

babies are not like tile and carpet that you get to match the decor of your house/family!

look, i'm pro-adoption in most every way but even this question of trying to pick out such a specific baby . . .

Answer 4

What???? Now imagine if Angelina Jolie was asking herself that. If you want the baby to look just like you then just have one of your own.

Answer 5

Good grief. If you have a bio baby, that baby might not look like you, but maybe like one of your old ugly ancestors, you know the one with the pointy ears and the funny little toe. I really find this question offensive.

Answer 6

"i aint say i was married"

Woah... Speaking like that I wouldn't trust you with a goldfish, let alone a newborn....

Answer 7

hey

Its okay, i'm 16 and even before I was your age I had already decided that I was going to adopt. idk why you would care if the baby looked like you because some people adopt children for all the wrong reasons. If you want to adopt for the sake of adopting then it might not really be the right choice because you would be playing with somebody's life. If you ever decide to adopt, you shouldnt really worry about the race, looks, e.t.c of the baby.

good luck though

Answer 8

Well the whole reason to adopt a baby is to give it a life it otherwise wouldn;t have right? Does it really matter if it looks like you or not? I mean I can understand naming it but that baby is going to love you no matter what he or she looks like.

Answer 9

Sure why not?  Just Google "Adoption Facility" and you will see rows and rows of babies.  You can sort by gender, eye color, hair color, skin color, ethnic background, temperament, and likelihood of wanting to know "birth" parents in the future.

Of course you can name your baby.  You chose her, didn't you?

Answer 10

Take Possum's advice and don't adopt.  You're looking for a child like someone would buy a car.  Adoption is about finding families for children, not the other way around.

Answer 11

Adoption is about finding a loving home for a child that no longer has one - not about playing make-believe that someone else's child is your own bio child!

No matter the age of the child - a child comes from somewhere else - with genetics from other people - people that the child still needs to know - to help with self image, rejection issues and self worth.

An adoptee comes with a former life & a former history.

I think you are going into adoption with a false sense of what adoption actually is - and if you do not educate yourself on the true meaning of adoption - from the side of the adoptee - then you will forever harm the child emotionally and psychologically.

Even if the child looks somewhat like you and your husband - chances are that the child will have vastly different tastes and talents. (matching that of the bio families tastes and talents)

Ignoring all of this - and pretending that the adoption is something which it is clearly NOT - I believe you should really not adopt.

It's about the best interests of the child - not the best interests of you - the adult.

Answer 12

Are you for real. You want the baby to look like you and can you name her?  OH BOY...

Answer 13

wierd

Answer 14

DON'T ADOPT!

Answer 15

Some adoption agencies will do open adoptions in which prospective adoptive parents fill out a profile for birth parents to look through and choose potential adoptive parents.  Birth parents and adoptive parents have the option to say yes or no as to whether they think they are a good match.  Birth parents are inclined to choose adoptive parents based on similarities:  beliefs, values, appearance, etc.

When birth parents see a profile they like, they can request to meet the potential adopters.  Then both can ask questions of each other.

Answer 16

Newborns available for adoption are incredibly rare.  There is no such thing as a baby store where you can go in and shop for a baby with the exact looks that you want; you're lucky if you get one chance to say, "Yes, I will be the parent to this baby available for adoption," and if you genuinely want to be a parent through adoption, you don't want to spend too much time and energy fussing about hair or eye color.  If you mean that you want only to adopt a white child, then just say that, but know that that's about as specific as you want to get and it's very likely going to take longer for a baby to be available to you.

Answer 17

To be honest I dont think that your heart is in the right place for adopting a baby. You sound fake and in it for all the wrong reasons. If you want a baby that looks like you, talks like you, and name it. Have your own. There are babies out there that have no one to love them, they dont want someone that is picking them becuase they look like them. Get a clue! I am not one to be negative and talk c**p on here. But your stupidity has me lost for words! I am sorry but please grow up before you adopt.

   Have you considered getting a puppy? You can find one that looks like you!

Answer 18

"About me: My name is_____.I'm 14 and I love hanging out with my friends. If you got something negative to say about me or about what I say,don't. I don't play that anymore"

Saw this on your profile, written by you.

Answer 19

considering you are just 14 i will chalk this up to you being immature. You need to be open and honest when you adopt, for the benefit of the child. Trying to make the child look like you would indicate a desire to hide the truth about the adoption.

Answer 20

get a baby dolll