Adoption questions? Another friend of mine wants to adopt domestically. Should she chance it or try overseas?

Question

I'm not sure about adoption laws here anymore but a lot of people have adopted overseas because the laws here allow the biological mother to take back the child in some cases, 2-3 years down the road. Is it still this way or have they changed? Once the adoption is final, it should be just that - final.

A mother signs over her child for some reason, too young, drugs, etc., & the adoptive parents pay an adoption fee, court costs & raise the child for 2-3 years - clothing, food, medical (especially if the child was ill because the mother was an addict or something); now the real mother wants the child back because she is clean, married &finds she cannot have kids, etc., & the courts give the child back to her, do you feel the adoptive parents should be reimbursed the original adoption fee, court costs, etc. for all the money they spent on this child while they had it & for the pain & suffering they go through over the loss of the child?

Answer 1

It's a common misconception among people that birthparents can change their minds years down the road and the adoption can be revoked.  However, if all legalities were followed through properly and all relinquishments signed, a birthparent cannot come back to get their child.

In my state, a birthmother can sign her termination of parental rights 5 days after giving birth.  Then, she has a 10-day revocation period where she can choose to change her mind.  After that time has expired, her rights are forever terminated.  The adoption finalization months later is a time after the adoptive parents have been under supervision, have proven they are fit parents, and a judge formally declares the child legally theirs - and the name is changed on the birth certificate and a new one is issued to the adoptive parents.

What happens in adoptions where children are returned to a birthparent years later is there was something that was not done correctly such as all terminations signed in court, etc.  Also, recently there was a widely publicized adoption battle between a couple who adopted a baby and the baby's birthfather.  What happened was the birthfather fought the adoption from the beginning and the adoptive parents thought they could win custody in court.  They were wrong.  And sadly, it took them years to discover this.

So, international adoption isn't necessarily easier.  Domestic and international both have their pros and cons.

Answer 2

It is true that international adoption is far less likely to be turned over, but that doesn't mean that the international adoption process is easier.  In many cases, there is more paperwork and it can take longer than domestic adoption.  Cases where the birth family would try to claim the child several years later are very rare.  In most states the law is 6 months or less.  In some it is 48 hours.  I would recommend looking up what the laws are in her state before deciding which to go with.

Answer 3

That is the problem with adoption in America and it's very sad that the courts have gone this route.  

Too many children in America need homes, but people don't want to risk the child's and their heart broken once they have bonded.  And that doesn't even take into account the money which is small compared to the emotional and psychological damage.

The courts have done a huge disservice to children needing homes in America.

Answer 4

The best thing to do is for your friends to contact adoption professionals in their state. Most states have a termination window for the adoption. Here in NJ the Birth Mom has 3 days to back out. The Birth Father's rite's are terminated after 8 months in cases where he is not named on the Birth Certificate or he is formerly unknown. I adopted my child (and am in the middle of another adoption) internationaly. There are many cases of domestic adoptions that have gone smoothly and only a few that have not.... We all take some risks and each person has to weigh their options and take the risks they are willing to live with. Good Luck!

Answer 5

Not all domestic adoptions are the same.

If your friend is doing a newborn adoption, the birth mother does have a window of time in which to change her mind.  It varies by state, but it's never 2 years- more like two days!  But it's still a very real risk.

Other domestic adoptions are virtually risk-free.  "Waiting children" are those whose parents' rights have already been terminated and who are legally available for adoption.  These adoptions are sometimes done in conjunction with foster care, that is, the child lives with the adoptive family before the adoption is finalized.   http://photolisting.adoption.com/foster-...

International adoptions have no risk of the birthmother changing her mind, but there are other risks, such as the other country changing its requirements mid-process.  I hope your friend will stay informed and I wish her good luck!

Answer 6

I know in the past there have been items in the news that suggested biological parents were able to get the children back later in life, however, that is not the norm as far as I know.  

In most states, once the parental rights are terminated, a biological parent no longer has any rights to a child.  Once an adoption is final - the adoptive parents are the legal parents of the child.  I do not know of any situations of where a biological parent has taken an adopted child "back".

HOWEVER, that being said, that is why it is EXTREMELY important to make sure that you are doing a LEGAL adoption and following all of the rules in your state (as well as the state you are adopting from if different than your own).  I do know that there has been situations where an adoption has been "overturned" because not all of the paperwork was done properly or the parental rights were not terminated for one or both biological parents.  

One of the things that I strive to educate people about on this board is that you must make sure that you are doing everything legal - as each state has its own rules regarding adoption.  This helps to insure that your child will remain your child forever.

Edit:  I just read some of the responses about termination windows.  Many of the termination windows being referred to apply to infants only.  Our son was six months old when we adopted him from the state of NJ.  Because he was not a newborn, the parental rights were irrevocable as soon as the ink was dry.  Again, every state is different so be sure to check with your state.

Answer 7

I have never heard of anyone being able to reclaim their birthchild 2 or 3 years later.(unless there was a mistake in your adoption process) The longest I have heard was maybe 9 months (and I think that’s rare) and as short as a few days. I would certainly never adopt through an agency that allowed that amount of time to reclaim a child, that is just ridicules.

There are many adoption cases where birthparents never try and reclaim their birthchild. It is however a risk people adopting have to take. Just as people who do fertility treatments take the risk  they could spend thousands of dollars and a baby is not guaranteed.  I don’t know the percentage but my guess is that it’s not that high for birthmothers/fathers who decide they want their birthchild back in the window time frame.  

I was reading the boards over at Adoption.com there are many successful domestic adoptions where  birth parents have not reclaimed their birthchild. Again the chances of it happening are likely very small. If it does most likley it will happen before you get the child or just a few days which would still hurt. But its rare that it be months later again unless there was a mistake in the adoption process.

There are some beautifully wonderfully babies/toddlers/children that need loving homes i think the risk would be worth it.

Answer 8

Try overseas. Its easier

Answer 9

adopt here, there are too many unwanted beautiful kids right here, you don't have to look far so please don't look elsewhere but do look right in the US because the children here are forgotten about because people simply don't want their own they would rather look half way across the world.

Answer 10

That sounds terrible, and I don't know how true it is, but my parents adopted four children Jan of 05.  They didn't have to pay the court costs or adoption fees because the children were already in state care.  I know that my parents said that they would recommend adopting over seas because of the hasle that they had to go through to get custody of the kids.  Also there is a closed adoption and open adoption.  Closed is where the biological parents can have nothing to do with the child until the child is 18, like walking by a random child on the side walk.  An Open adoption is where the adoptive family and the bioloical family come to an agreement on visitations and what not, like a divorced couple with children.  hope this helps and makes you feel more secure.