Adoption & religion: how do they intersect?

Question

I'm agnostic (hopeful, though!)

I've always been confused about the relationship between adoption and religion. There is Old v. New Testament, Christian, Muslim, Jewish ideas! What would Jesus think of taking infants from young mothers to give to married, richer couples aka modern day adoption?

I'm reading this book right now:

http://www.amazon.com/Year-Living-Biblically-Literally-Possible/dp/0743291476/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1206384709&sr=1-1

Basically, a guy decides to live life by the Bible--all versions. He is having tremendous trouble with the commandment concerning coveting.

Isn't adoption about coveting? People who covet other people's children? We hear them say they want the "egg hunts, the skinned knees, the wet kisses".

So if adoption is about coveting, a mortal sin, how can agencies (most religious) abide by the desires of potential adoptive parents, and supply babies from mothers who might just need some extra help?

Answer 1

As a flaming, tree-hugging Pagan, I'm probably not the best person to answer this question.  I personally don't think coveting is a bad thing, as long as you don't actually TAKE what isn't yours (I tell my friends all the time I'm jealous, I want what they have, but I'd never just walk up and snatch it).

IMO, if your method of adopting takes a child away from someone who is perfectly capable of raising a child (removing money from the situation altogether), then there's something wrong with that scenario.  I didn't always think this way.  I'm being honest here.  Seeing how adoption affects some adoptees has really changed my perceptions.  When my sister found out that she was pregnant with her fourth child, she started crying.  She didn't STOP crying until her doctor put her on prozac, while she was still pregnant.  She cried for 8 months, by her own account.  She REALLY did not want a fourth child.  She was already completely stressed and maxed out with three kids, and a husband who has some major issues.  She's an abusive mom, physically, emotionally, etc.  The day she found out she was pregnant, I asked her what she thought of adoption (thinking only of myself, and the "well being" of her child - again, I'm being honest).  Even through her emotional crisis, she knew that she couldn't give up her child.

I have no problem now admitting that what I thought back then was WRONG.  I had no right to even suggest that I take her child.  HER child is HERS, and she has the right to decide if she wants to keep her own child.  I wish I could say she's done a fine job...but at the very least, she isn't doing any worse than our parents did, and we survived.  I should not have thought of her emotional crisis as my gain.

ETA:  Something else that's been tickling at my brain.  Why is it ok to base opinions of adoption on a book that was written thousands of years before adoption was practiced as it is today, but for someone (like me) to base my opinions on the words of those who have BEEN THERE, that's just not ok.  Hmmmmmmm...

ETA:  Sorry, one more thing.  Obviously children aren't property...but in the bible, they WERE.  Women and children were BELOW men.  Children were BELOW women.  It clearly states that women (wives) CAN be coveted, and therefore, they ARE property.  If children were considered even LOWER than the wives, then yes, they can be coveted according to the bible.

Thank the Goddess Christianity isn't the only religion.  I'd have to be atheist.

Answer 2

I don't know if adoption is about coveting...  but I think being a good person is probably in most religions and that includes taking care of children.

Answer 3

of course it makes sense that God would not "prefer" that people not take care of the babies he has given him. nobody would prefer being placed for adoption by their parents, or having the state place them. but adoption, if it's done for the right reasons, is about love. and so far as i can tell, God condones love. but whoever presumes to know the mind and motives of God implicitly.... is not a follower of God at all, and has the audacity to believe they are His equal. there is nothing wrong with having a desire to be a parent, and nothing at all wrong with those desiring to parent children already in this world and without someone to care for them properly.  ive wanted nothing more than to be a parent as long as i can remember, and by the age of seventeen i decided that i would adopt, regardless of whether i could have children by birth, and regardless of whether i did eventually have children by birth. i still have this strong need to adopt. and i believe that comes straight from God. it is what im meant to do and be. in conclusion, i cannot and will not believe that God would look down on someone for doing something out of love.

Answer 4

Hi Sunny!  I like that - agnostic, but hopeful.  :)  Well, I'm not so cynical as to think all "adoption is about coveting."  As an adoptive parent, I did want a chid.  I did NOT want to take someone else's child from his or her family, and I didn't.  

Anyway, about religion, I do get really uncomfortable with religion being tied in with motivation for adoption.  The danger I mostly see in adoptive parents having a strong religious motivation to adopt is the "savior" mentality and the effect that has on the child.

BTW-I've been on an adoption agency research site lately. http://www.adoptionagencyratings.com/

I've found it interesting that some of the agencies that have the worst ethics as reported by the ratings of adoptive parents and birthparents were the strongest religiously affiliated ones.

Answer 5

Jesus loves for us to help the poor.  He would love for people to donate time and money to the widows and orphans.  To the poor single mothers who need help raising that unexpected baby.  He would NOT on the other hand, like to see families split up.  He does not like to see women who are barren and can't have children.  The sad fact is ever since the fall (adam and eve) the world has just been getting worse and worse.  No, he would not like this at all, but its the way things are thanks to sin.

Answer 6

I always think it's dangerous to talk about what God thinks of things.  Those people that claim to know what God thinks typically serve funny-tasting Kool-Aid or bomb another country back to the stone-age.  

For me, I ask these kinds of questions:

Am I helping or hurting?

Am I doing what I'm doing out of love, or out of some other motive?

Is this the sort of thing I could explain to my children?

Am I being honest with myself about why I'm doing this?

If I gain, would I still do it if I didn't gain?

Am I respecting all persons involved?

If I cannot, in good conscience, answer these questions positively, then I've gone wrong somewhere.  And I assume God would not approve.  When adoption is about helping and protecting children that cannot be helped in any better way, then so be it.  When it's about something else, there's a problem.  

All of this is said with the utmost humility and the recognition of my own fallibility.  Anyone who claims to KNOW what God wants or thinks is false.  God is inherently unknowable to us.  The best we can do is behave morally.

Answer 7

I would think that Jesus would be grateful that Joseph adopted him.

Answer 8

I stopped going to church (Catholic) when I found out about the involvement of churches in stealing babies from their mothers and fathers in the name of a benevolent god being.  Like all other institutions in the US, they only seek to serve people who can give them money.  Money is the intersection.  If religious people truly cared about people in the name of "God", they would help people in need instead of helping themselves to their babies.

Answer 9

this is actually a great question-    adoption is not about coveting.   God Himself adopted us, by sending His son.  We are not God's children, we are His creation, until we accept Christ- and we are adopted into His family- so to answer your question- adoption is very close to God's heart.  Adoption is not about coveting-  believe me.

Answer 10

I feel my atheism has its roots in being adopted.  I felt so insecure in the world, and so much as if I didn't belong, that I was sure from a very young age that no kindly spirit was watching over me.  

Sometimes it was sheer atheism and sometimes the feeling that there was a god, but one that cared about "real people" and not me.  Otherwise why would I always feel so guilty and unworthy and alienated when I was so loved and cared for?  I felt that if there were a god, that god was punishing me for some terrible thing I didn't remember doing.

I find myself more easily able to accept/explore religions like Buddhism and Hinduism that have multiple gods or no god, but I can't espouse any one religion.  I don't have faith, and I don't know how a person goes about acquiring faith--nor am I sure I want to.

Answer 11

As a Christian, I cannot hold that adoption should be continued in its current form in the U.S.  Private adoptions, using pre-birth matching, do not fit into my Christian beliefs.  The Bible talks about caring for widows and orphans.  Many use this as an argument to support adoption.  Often, these people don't look at the type of adoption or the manner in which the adoption is carried out, or how adopted persons are treated when using this argument.

It is important to remember, if nothing else, that the Bible talks about CARING for ORPHANS.  A child that hasn't been born, let alone lost its parents, is not an orphan.  It also doesn't describe this caring in terms of the adoption that is practiced today in our society.

I've actually written a little more about adoption and the Bible.  I'll just post it here.  What the hey.  Here goes:

As a Christian, I think there is much for us Christians to consider when thinking about adopting.  The Bible doesn't mention "adoption" in any way as it exists in our society.  Further, some of these examples aren't actually "adoption" at all.

There are two main examples that people who believe that God sanctions adoption use in order to prove that theory. A close look at Scripture, however, leaves one wondering just how that thought could be roaming about in the minds of some.

The first example is Moses, the quintessential Biblical adoptee. Well, not quite. Moses' adoption wasn't exactly what we think of when we think of adoption. It had absolutely nothing to do with Pharaoh's daughter looking to form a family. It had nothing to do with Moses' mother being pressured into relinquishment, or feeling that it was best that Moses be raised by peoples other than she. It was done in order to save his life! After three months of raising Moses, his mother realized she could no longer hide him from the Egyptian Pharaoh's people. The Pharaoh commanded the all of the first-born, Hebrew male children be killed. She put him in a basket and into the Nile River. She didn't just leave him there, however. Moses' sister watched to oversee what would transpire at this point.

When Pharaoh's daughter found Moses, Moses' sister who had been watching (today we'd call that "stalking") approached her and offered to bring a Hebrew woman to nurse Moses. Pharaoh's daughter not only said to go ahead, she actually paid wages to the woman, who was Moses' biological mother. Significantly, when Moses was an adult, he went to his brethren -- his brethren the Hebrews, that is.

Probably the biggest example used to support the idea that God sanctions adoption is in the writings of Paul. Paul discusses God adopting those who accept His Son, Jesus. Well, this is certainly not adoption as we define it in our society. It is a spiritual adoption of adults, not babies. It is also an adoption based on God offering and the adult person responding to that offer. The person has a choice to be adopted into the family of God or not. Significantly, the word in the original Greek text that Paul uses to describe this adoption is "huiothesia." Huiothesia is a word formed from the two Greek words "huio" meaning a son, and "thesia" meaning a placing. In the Greek, the word was a legal term that referred to a father's declaration that his natural born child was officially his child, with all of the privileges, rights and heirship that this relationship carried. Well, this is the exact opposite of adoption by those other than parents, or at least kin!

There are also examples in the Bible supporting that adoption is not what God prefers. One of the most notable examples is Jesus Himself. The beginning of the New Testament begins with the genealogy of Jesus, which includes women. Women normally were not included in Jewish genealogies in those days. But, so significant is the biology of Jesus, that this one was treated differently.

Another of these examples is Abram and Sarah. Desperately wanting an heir, Abram and Sarah adopted a son born to a servant in their home. Abram told God that this child would be his heir. God said otherwise and told Abram that a child of his own blood would be the heir. Abram suggested that he could make a baby with one of the female servants of his house, and that this child could be his heir. After all, this child would at least be of Abram's blood. Again, God said no and told Abram that his heir would be the son of his relationship with Sarah.

These examples show that biology matters to God. Should biology, then, not matter to us? If anything, it should matter to Christian-based adoption agencies. But, we still practice adoption that seals up any sign of the biological background of the adopted person and replaces it with an altered birth certificate that is designed to look as though the adoptee was born to his or her adoptive parents.

Answer 12

sigh...

is it "coveting" to decide to buy a car that someone else choses to put up for sale?

okay I am NOT comparing children to cars, I am NOT comparing adoption to a "sale" it certainly should NOT be..

What I am saying is that you are running under the assumption that all adoptees are taken from their mothers against their wills.. if the mother choses to put the child for adoption.. the child needs a home..

how is it coveting to want to give a child a good home??

I have looked a bit into the foster system.. I know a bit about it.. and it makes my heart ACHE and my tears flow for the children who are so desperately in need of a good stable home.. I was seriously considering adoption even BEFORE I found out I cannot have my own children..

ETA:

WOW berhane...t hank you thank you thank you..  It boggles my mind how anyone could NOT see how offensive and hurtful this kind of question is, as it is worded....I think I need a break from this forum.. I've taken all the abuse I can today....unfortunately I simply don't have the stability to remain unaffected when people question my motives, etc.. the smallest thing causes me to doubt my own goodness in a big way.. I'm working on that! But for  now this question is the last straw for my allready "struggling" mood today..

But BTW.. Jennifer L and Happymom also have some great answers!

Answer 13

what about moses? He was adopted. Even Jesus was adopted by Joesph.

The desire to have children can drive you to covet but so can the desire for alot of things.  Wanting children is not wrong and there are examples of women in the Bible who experience infertility. Sara and Abraham come to mind. I guess Sara came up with the first surrogate with Hagaar. My adoptive children were the result of girls having s*x out of wed lock and having the courage to give the babies to a couple who could provide what they can't at the moment. It was a way that to me God used an outcome to benefit me and those girls

Answer 14

I will tell U this....my parents didn't look at my b-mom and say i really want this child. it was the other way around, when the state wanted to termanite my mothers rights, she would only do it if my a-parents adopted me. They said yes because like my b-mom they feared what would happen to me in foster care. I do believe that adoption has happened in some form in ancient times. In the bible we have the example of Moses and of Jesus. How people wish to believe this, lays with them. I don't take offense at what others have said that Joseph was the adopted father of Jesus and that Moses was adopted by Pharoh's daughter. That is just me and we can respectfully disagree on this point.

Answer 15

I've been looking for Jesus for a long time now, and I recently found him hiding behind my couch.

He said I could ask him only one question, so I asked "Jesus do you think adoption is a good thing?"

He replied "No. Our Lord my father never makes mistakes. Babies are born to their mothers who are meant to raise then. The Lord created an unbreakable bond between mother and child that the laws of man cannot forsake."

Ok, seriously, no I didn't speak to Jesus. I'm agnostic.

Answer 16

I don't see adoption as coveting.  The definition of  covet is to feel inordinate desire for what belongs to another.  Adoptive parents want to be parents.  They don't want other peoples kids the way that your statement connotes it . They want kids that need a home then they will provide it. your comment about taking infants from young mothers to richer couples is a little not modern day adoption.

Many single, g*y and middle class, even lower middle class people adopt.   My wife and i are adopting we have one bio child and we are no where near rich.  I am  a social worker and she is a stay at home mom.  We want more than one child and adoption is our way of doing that.

To the comment about Mosses. That is exactly what many women do today. They don't put their baby in a basket down a river but they give their child up to save or give them a better life.

Answer 17

Yes, we are far from rich, but this keeps coming up in questions and answers here, doesn't it?  Hmmm

Yes, I am religious, and I wanted a child, but I disagree that wanting a child is the same as coveting as we are taught in the Bible.  David coveted his neighbor's wife Bathsheba and had her husband killed so he could have her.  This is wrong.  Wanting a baby and going through the proper channels (reputable agencies, legal and lawful) to adopt doesn't fall into this same situation.  

Now, if a couple sees a baby that they want, go about ways to obtain it, steals it, then we're talking sins here.  (Raising Arizona, anyone?)  Otherwise, have to say, not related.  

I think the answers here are interesting, and since in the Bible it speaks of adoption in several places, as well as infertility (barren women), I have to conclude from this that an ethical adoption is fine in the eyes of the Lord for the parents and the child adopted.

Answer 18

First i must address that many paps and ap's ask questions to adoptees that many find offensive.  I do not find this question offensive or upsetting.  I see this question as someone who is learning about faith and is questioning things as she goes along.  Pretty smart if you ask me.  Back to the question at hand.

Sunny,

I will take the covet meaning as wish for earnestly.  From that meaning of the word you have a valid point.  For the mothers that just need some extra help, imho, you would be right.  It would be a sin.

I do think that there may be many first mothers that do fall into your category.

I also believe that to some women even if given the financial and emotional support it would make little difference. (scared that i'm not going to word this correctly)  I have offered my emotional and financial support to many friends and family and years later they are in the same position in life.  There must be some deeper issue there.  If i know a handful of these people there must be more people like this in the world.  Making sense?  Sometimes extra help just isn't enough to solve the issue at hand.

I also believe in a woman's rights.  It maybe be rare or a myth but if for some reason a woman just truly doesn't want to parent, she shouldn't have to.  

In these later cases then it would not be a sin because of the difference in motivation.  Just my thoughts i don't know if i'm right or not.

Answer 19

i read this recently...

"The WICKED snatch fatherless children from their mother's b*****s............." Job 24:9

Answer 20

Many religious faiths *also* operate programs that help struggling women keep and raise their children.

I can only comment on the Roman Catholic church, as I'm a member, but our parishes and social service networks do include programs for pregnant women, struggling parents, foster care and yes, adoption.  Our weekly bulletin regularly reports on services provided to new mothers, and there's a donation table in the lobby for diapers and other baby supplies.  It's a big deal for us - and, of course, given our anti-abortion stance, we'd better be in the business of taking care of parents and children.

It's also true that the adoptive families I know are far from rich.  Perhaps they are better off than the young single women who bore the children, but not necessarily by much.    And one of the families at our church has adopted several older kids out of the foster care system.  Their parents clearly needed more than "just a little extra help" - they failed at parenting repeatedly.

Every child deserves a stable, loving home.  It's a tragic oversimplification to describe the urge to raise children as "covetous."  It's so much bigger and more complex than that.

I tend to think of parenthood as not a case of coveting "other people's children," but of truly understanding love.  In fact, the only Biblical verse that really applies here is 1 Corinthians 13:13 - sing it with me, will you?  "But now faith, hope, love abide these three; but the greatest of these is love."

It's not the same as wanting a Range Rover, and while there are surely market forces at work, there's no reason to assume they're evil unless proven otherwise.

Answer 21

Have you read, "Conversations with God"?

I don't adhere to any religion at this time. I have universal beliefs that all religions have in their doctrine.

I've been burned too many times. I've just learned that you either walk the walk, or talk the talk. When I see the lips start flapping, I start walking. I watch what people do. I've had to learn that through therapy after the relinquishment of my daughter, "Lauren" and being married to a bible thumping nut.

Answer 22

This sounds like another question phrased in order to upset and offend adoptive parents.  And now we're attacking Christians too!

Well, coveting has nothing to do with adoption.  If a man covets his neighbor's wife, that means he wants to have an affair with THAT woman.  

Adoptive parents, contrary to popular belief, do not lurk in the streets seeking infants to covet and steal.  puh-LEEZ!

BTW, jfg: read the rest of the passage.  

Job 24:9 refers to the enslavement of children to pay off the debt of the parents.  It's got nothing to do with adoption.  

However, there are many instances cited in the Bible that support adoption.  Not the least of which is Jesus's example.  God "adopted" the human race after Jesus was crucified, to be heirs and share in the inheritance.  Meaning, that as "adoptees" we are as highly regarded as God's only begotten son.  

Sounds like an example to me.

ETA: Sunny-- See there you go again.  I can understand an agnostic not being familiar enough with Bible study to misunderstand the meaning of "to covet".  Not  a big deal, an opportunity for education.  

But see, here is is again about "taking" children instead of "helping".  Adoption isn't about taking or stealing children.  Most adopted children are relinquished, either voluntarily or by the state.  Big difference!  I see it more as "entrusting" and I accepted that trust with every reverence and respect, I assure you.  

Finally, I couldn't help noticing that you challenged my statement about attacking Christians, but not my statement about trying to anger and offend adoptive parents.  Hmmm....

Answer 23

Jesus would do what was best for the baby. If Jesus knew that a family was good and with a little extra help is all the person needed then he would give that. However if he knew that this was not the best place for the baby then he would adopt the baby or find a good adoptive family for the baby.

For woman who are tricked out of the children obviously god / Jesus would not approve of this. However it just one of the many other wrong doings of this world.

Answer 24

First of all a child is not property.  

Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)cov·et      

–verb (used with object) 1. to desire wrongfully, inordinately, or without due regard for the rights of others: to covet another's property.  

2. to wish for, esp. eagerly: He won the prize they all coveted.  

–verb (used without object) 3. to have an inordinate or wrongful desire.

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Second of all the bible does mention adoption, and NOT as a sin:

Solomon,

1 Chronicles 28:6 And he said unto me, Solomon thy son, he shall build my house and my courts: for I have chosen him to be my son, and I will be his father.

Moses,

Exodus 2:10 And the child grew, and she brought him unto Pharaoh's daughter, and he became her son. And she called his name Moses: and she said, Because I drew him out of the water.

Esther,

Esther 2:7 And he brought up Hadassah, that is, Esther, his uncle's daughter: for she had neither father nor mother, and the maid was fair and beautiful; whom Mordecai, when her father and mother were dead, took for his own daughter.

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Thirdly here's more information: http://www.gotquestions.org/adoption.htm...

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Do you see "You shall not covet thy neighbor's children?" In Exodus 20:17?  No, you see house, wife, manservant or maidservant, ox or donkey or belongings.  BELONGINGS.

FYI:  "You shall not covet your neighbor's house.  You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."  Exodus 20:17

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"What would Jesus think of taking infants from young mothers to give to married, richer couples aka modern day adoption?"

I did not steal a baby from a young mothers hands; I am not married or rich.  And how about turning the tables?  What would Jesus think then?

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Yes, I am financially "richer" than my son's natural mother.  I stand corrected.  But I am not financially rich by American standards.  Being "richer" is one of the reasons why my son's natural mother made an adoption plan for him.  Because I could afford to provide food, shelter, clothing, education, etc., that she could not.  Jesus would be happy that I am providing that for her son; he'd be happy that I answered her call for help.

Answer 25

What would Jesus think of taking infants from young mothers to give to married, richer couples aka modern day adoption

these kids aren't TAKEN from their mothers, their mothers give them up because they cannot care for them.

i'm adopted and i'm glad. i have a big family, a nice house, a nice life.

unlike being the child of a single mom who dropped out of school with an alcoholic mother.

i have never felt a need to search for my birth mother or family so stop acting like it is some horrible thing.



and i think Jesus would rather see adoption than abortion.

Answer 26

As an adoptive mother I can assure you that I didn't "take an infant from a young mother."  I do not covet anyone else's children but I am a mother to my son whom I adopted with my husband.  

Furthermore, Jesus commands his followers to look after orphans.  

I appreciate your seeking answers to what confuses you but there are ways to shape your inquiries that are not so offensive -- to speak of a child as property is ridiculous.  "supply babies?"  I mean, come on... either you are naive or this question is written simply to upset adoptive parents and children.

Answer 27

No, in its ideal case, adoption is NOT about coveting.  It is about helping the least among us.  It is helping children who would otherwise have not have opportunity have a better life.  And, helping those in need is VERY biblical (there are thousands of references to helping others in both the old and the new testaments).

However, it is true that some people view children as "fashion" (thanks for that Angelina and Madonna) and coveting might be the right word.  But, I don't think you can condemn the entire practice on the basis of those people.

Answer 28

The Bible Teaches that All Believers Are

ADOPTED into the Kingdom of Heaven...

Joseph Adopted Christ

Moses was Adopted

Adoption is a VERY HUGE part of Christianity....

Most Kings during Bible Times ADOPTED their sons in order to insure they have the rightful inheiratance to the Throne as they needed to be sure the son of another man did not have these rights.... Therefore many Kings Adopted the son as an Extra insurance that the Son had the Right to take his fathers throne...

Just a few ways that Adoption is part of the Bible....

All of which REALLY only have to do with the Child and Their Rights....

Answer 29

Interesting question, but my answer to spiritual questions like this is still the same.  God sent His Son, Jesus, to be raised by a man that was NOT his bio father.  In those days, it was the father figure who was responsible for a child's education, spiritual training, and all of the "important" things in life.  If God could trust His Son to another man, than who are we to say that creating an adoption plan for a child is wrong.  

ETA:  After reading other's responses, I would just like to add that God did pre-birth matching with Joseph also.  He chose Joseph to be Jesus' father before He was born so to say that the Bible only references orphans, I have to disagree.  The prominent character of the Bible was not an orphan.  

Just my opinion.