Adoption rights?

Question

Okay, I'm sixteen years old. I had a steady boyfriend for about a 8 months, then we started having s*x. Not long afterwards, I broke it off with him because I wanted to date other people. We stayed friends and hung out almost every weekend, and still had s*x, it made me feel better about being sexually active at a young age because it was with the same guy. I got pregnant and I have carried the child with him knowing it was his. We've talked about it and decided it would be best to put the baby up for adoption.

Luckily, I've found a family within 50 miles of me that couldn't have children and have used invetro many times. A very well-off christian family. So we've decided to let them adopt our baby.

I'm wondering, what rights should I as the baby's mother ask for? Just gimme a few opinions...

PS-->The adoptive parents have agreed to let me have any rights I want.

Answer 1

I think you should just leave it open for letters, and when your child is ready and wants to he or she can contact you in other means. It is better that you let your child completely bond with the new parents. Have them send you pictures you can do the same. If your child decides later they want more with you then let the child decide. Not all children want to be involved with their birth parents.

Answer 2

Dear Tucker,

The people who are telling you that once you sign you have NO rights are correct. "Open" adoption is NOT legally enforcable ANYWHERE.

Freckle Face has given you some excellent links, PLEASE read them. You need to be THOROUGHLY educated about the decision you are making. (Independant - you crack me up but are totally right! I wish I'd thought of that when I was making my "choice".)

Do your research - finding out later that you have been duped is worse than the original loss. I found out the hard way that the people I trusted and who had promised me contact were nothing more than liars.

Answer 3

I would have a good attorney draw up papers stating that if the adoptive parents in any way and for any reason deny you visitation to see you child at any time before his/her 18th birthday, they have to give you 20 million dollars in one lump sum payment due within 30 days of date of denial.

If they refuse to sign it than you'll know that they are blowing smoke up your butt just to get your baby from you.

Answer 4

Tickled blue needs to get into the real world.  You are not equipped to handle a child, and adoption is an excellent way to go.  If you have an 'open adoption' you will be able to set your own rules . . . within reason.  I'm glad to see you are making an adult decision and not one based on psuedo-christan bullshit.

Answer 5

Hi hon, to put it simply, once you sign away your rights to your baby and the adoption is finalized, you DO NOT have any recourse, which means that you DO NOT have any rights. In fact, as far as the law is concerned, you are no longer seen as the mother of your child and you have no legal standing. The adoptive parents have sole discretion of whether or not you remain a part of your child's life. Please, do not allow anyone to tell you that if you relinquish your child that you will still have "the right" to be a part of their life, because that is simply a LIE. Open adoption arrangements are NOT legally enforceable. Speaking as an adoptive mother myself, I think you have to seriously consider what you are giving up here. The adoptive parents may be wonderful and allow you to be a part of your child's life, but they may not (and that is their legal right). If there is any part of you that wishes to raise your baby then I would hold off on any adoption talk until you have seen and had the chance to hold your baby. You may very well change your mind... and that is YOUR right. You may be young, but there is help out there for you. Speak to your parents, his parents, any extended family. Also, visit planned parenthood as they can give you a complete list of resources that can help you raise your baby. Good luck!!!

Answer 6

Tucker,

If you sign your rights away, you will have no rights!  If they promised you rights, they are lying.  You will have none.  They may offer you an "open" adoption but at anytime they will be able to close it.  Legally there will be nothing you can do about.  Something to think about.

Dave ^^^needs to eat Sh*t and you fill in the blank.

Ugh, i didn't want to go there but here i'll back my words up.

http://www.exiledmothers.com/open_adopti...

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/

http://www.keepyourbaby.com/

something to watch...

http://www.youtube.com/FauxClaud

Answer 7

I don't know that I agree with the first poster, many people are adopted and happy about it.  And now many adoptions are open.

You and your BF should get together a consultation fee (between $200-500) and go see a GOOD lawyer who specializes in family law, to find out what your rights would be.  Since you are young, you might consider taking your parents with you, if you all get along.  THe other poster brings up some good points... if they can make promises and not keep them, then you don't want to put yourself in that position.

Really make the effort to find a good lawyer.  It will cost more, but it does make a difference.  And it should be someone who understands your local laws.  If you can't get a recommendation from someone who could afford to hire a very good lawyer for a divorce or other family matter, then call your local bar association and ask to be recommened to someone with experience and a good record.

This is a very, very big decision.  Do what you can to make sure you consider everything before making it.

Answer 8

That is up to you.  You can get visitations setup if you want or you can just go with letters and cards and pictures or even phone calls.  What do you feel you would want?  How much contact are you hoping to have with the adoptive parents and the baby/child?  You have to sit down and figure out what you and the father want and go from there.  Don't go overboard though, once you sign the papers the baby is no longer yours it is theres and they are mom and dad.

Answer 9

First of all, understand what open adoption legally is.  It means the paperwork is open to viewing to the parties involved, meaning the AP's, you, and the baby.  It does not address visitation, which is what many agencies talk about as open adoption.  You can ask for visitation, and open communication with the child. I believe that as long as the child knows that he/she is loved by all, and that you are doing this for him/her, it is much better than not telling it.  I also believe that a child needs to know from day 1 that it is adopted.  Make sure you can trust these people, because many know their legal rights, and say things just to get the baby.  There are also good people who truly will allow you to be a part of the baby's life, however, you need to be sure.  You can ask for pictures, myspace postings, visitation, birthday parties, or even a weeklong summer vacation, but always realize that it is a risk.  Good luck, and make sure you read and understand every piece of paper you sign very good.  Make sure that if you change your mind, you know where to go to do it, and how much time you have.  You have a right to speak with the adoption attorney privately, at their expense.  Chances are, medicaid will pay for most of your pregnancy, however, make sure you get a contract that you won't be left with medical bills.  The adoptive family should pay for all baby related expenses, however, it is illegal to ask for or receive any money.

Answer 10

Don't get scared by horror stories. People here do not know you, and will try to change your mind because that's what they believe.  Only you know what is the right thing for you and the baby you're carrying.

The fact is that there are many successful open adoptions.  You can ask for visitation, ask to be invited to birthday parties, ask to get photos every few months, email updates, etc.  You may also decide to leave it closed until the child turns 18 and leave it up to him or her to contact you.  

The best thing for you to do is to develop a relationship with the adoptive parents.  Get to know them and let them become comfortable with you.  You may even want to get counseling with them to talk about any uncomfortable feelings you have.  Let them know what you're thinking and ask them what they are thinking.  

Best wishes.

Answer 11

They can agree to let you do anything you want....once the papers are signed, however, they do not have to adhere to any of the promises they made you. They can literally not allow you to see your child ever again, and are completely within the law to do so.

Why would it be best to put the child up for adoption? Best for you and your ex or best for the child? If the child is your main concern, as it should be, then you should know that your child's best interests are having his mommy and daddy....not strangers raise him/her. Money and religion have NOTHING to do with raising a child. There are plenty of great people out there...but they are not YOU...they are not the child's mommy and daddy.  I sincerely hope you will rethink this. There are many organizations that will help you and many government programs that can assist you, not to mention your family, friends, and your ex.