Adoption stories come here!?

Question

If you are or have been involed in adoption in any way please post your story here. I know this is such a senstive topic but i may be in adoption situation. I do not have the money to raise a baby but i would do anything to keep my child, even it meant struggeling every day. Is this "selfish" .i dont see how adoption can be the right hting to do when it feels so WRONG. i just feel like theres got to be something anything i can do. but i want to make the right desiscion. for myself & my child. I can add details if there are questions that will help u udnerstand my situation, or please just post your expeierence here because i know it is so emotional i just need to hear what others have went threw as well,

Answer 1

i had a wonderful adoption. my aparents are the real life ward and  june. i love them dearly. my bioparents were in a bad spot when they had me. they loved me, but that wasnt enough at that time. their problems were bigger than their love.

i support adoption in the right atmoshpere. like mine. i have found my bioparents and love them with all my heart. i thank them for what they did. but just because it was right for us doesnt mean it is right for all.

no one can tell you what to do. your parents, well when i got pregnant with my daughter my parents wrote me off too. but it didnt take long for them to come around. now they are my daughters biggest fans.

i know what my bioparents went through. i have heard the stories. trust me, in my case i was better off. they were unable to properly care for themselves, let alone a baby. i can sing the praises of my adoptive life all day, doesnt mean that is how it is all the time. some are sad and awful  stories.

look into your heart and do what you feel is right. i wish you the best of luck.

Answer 2

Honestly do what you feel is the right thing for you. I have 5 kids and struggle everyday but you know what? That's life for most of us. I was adopted and had a crappy upbringing. But there are some people out there who have had gr8 childhoods and parents who adopted children with love in their hearts.  :) Life is what you make it.

Answer 3

it is not wrong but its the feelings you yourself have. if you feel its wrong and you can make it you think go for it you can still do adoption but its best right away. the child will be ok and its ok but you have to think that also. i know its hard and i dont' know if i coudl have done it had i had this problem arise. but i was an adoptee and i am fine. my parents really didnt' care and you realize that if you give the baby up you will never be held as mom cause its not you raising the child but its ok but if your mind is set and you can you need to do with what you can abide by take care.

Answer 4

I want to give you a long, careful answer.  I'm feeling a bit raw at the moment, though.  If you check out my profile, I've answered a few questions lately that maybe get at some of what you're looking for.  I'll come back later (probably tomorrow) to try to give you a better answer.

For now, I'll just say this...  If you want to make this work, you will be able to find a way.  My first mom regretted relinquishing me.  And I regretted it, too.  I love my adoptive family, but I always knew something was missing.  Finding my first mom this past year has helped both her and me.  

I wish you lots of luck as you move forward.

Answer 5

In the early 70's I put my daughter up for adoption. My situation was much different than yours. It was for the safety of my child. I stuck by my decision but had huge regrets. I worried about her constantly. 28 years later she found me and we have had a great reunion for the past 9 years. 4 months ago we found her father and the 3 of us are very happy to be in reunion. He is still my dearest friend.

It took me 20 years to have more children and her father never did. This affected both of us very deeply. There were no programs back then like there are today. I still stand by my decision, my daughter is okay with it, but our situation was very different than yours, and it has definetly left scars on all 3 of our lives.

If you have the support of your boy friend it doesn't matter what some one else thinks. If the two of you are committed to this child you will make it work. There is no written rule that you will stay on assistance your whole life if you have this baby. Lots of people have used the programs available while they finished their education.

My daughter got a good home with great parents but it did not change the scars it put on 3 hearts and souls. Being worried is normal for anyone having their first child. Negative outside influence doesn't help. Be strong and you will be okay.

I'm sure some one here has already pointed out the down side of adoptee rights to birth information and the medical information problems so I won't repeat that.

Answer 6

Awww sweetie if you feel like this is the wrong thing than you need to go with your gut.  I think you need to listen to the voice inside....this may not be the right choice for you.

Are you being pressured by your family?

Answer 7

You already have lots of great answers but I just wanted to add mine.  :)

I was adopted in 1973.  My mother was 19, my father was 18, they weren't married but they were a "couple".  Because of the era, it wasn't socially acceptable for a single woman to have a child, so I was given up...after 4 months of deliberation on my mother's part.  She loved me deeply and wanted me so much, but in the end, pressures from the Lutheran Social Services won out.

She and my father were married 2 months later.

I met her 11 years ago, and our reunion has been up and down.  It started great, but she had never worked through her grief and pain from giving me up.  A year into reunion, she shut down, and shut me out of her life.  It was too painful for her to face me and the realization of what she had done back in '73, and what we both had missed out on.

It has taken  her ten years to work through this, and we have finally started picking up the pieces this January.  She is still hurting, we both are, but even reunion does NOT take away the pain.  In some ways, I think it makes it worse, because you realize how very much you have lost...the  years you can never get back...the love you should have been able to give.

I've never hated her or blamed her, never once.  I know that what was done was for (presumably) the best intentions and even though I felt the abandonment issues all my life, I never blamed it on her.  I blame society for not supporting women, for not valuing the family, for putting the needs of desparate infertile couples ahead of the needs of the unborn and their mothers.  

YOU are the best thing for your baby.  Your baby will not care if you can't shop at Bloomingdale's or afford the best baby gear.  All you need are diapers, you have the breast milk, clothes and gear can be found at consignment and rummage sales for little to nothing.

Babies don't have to be expensive.

I hope that once the shock of your pregnancy wears off, your parents will realize that this is not "some baby", it is THEIR GRANDCHILD.  Their own flesh and blood...born of their daughter...that's got to count for something!  Once they see his or her tiny, precious face, I hope they understand the true value of family.

Good luck...to you AND your precious little one.

Answer 8

1, How old are you

2. Are your parents aware that you are pregnant ? how do they feel about it ?

3 Would they support you

4 You can get single parenting allowance. where do youcurrently live.?5 You can get child maintenance from the father , he has a responsibility as well

Certainly please expand your situation because its very hard to comment and I dont feel like opening myself up to you with my experience when I dont know what good it will do you not knowing your situation to start with

ETA

Please dont give your baby up..Please talk to your parents and tell them how much you love your unborn baby and that You and your boyfriend want to keep this baby very much but that you just need some support from them and his parents

If both yours and your BF's parents supported you both then there would be ZERO Need to even contemplate giving the baby up. Talk to them about what it will be like 10 yrs 20yrs down the track wondering whta their Grandchild is doing..

Tell them that you are prepared to work / study whatever it is you want to do to further yourself if they will just help out with the baby too THEIR GRANDCHILD !

Tell them just like they loved you when they had you, you allso love this little unborn baby and you want to give it the best life possible and that means being there as the baby's Mummy and Daddy..

Its in your heart that you want to keep this baby I can hear it in your post. So Find the way to do that :)

How far along are you ?

ETA 2

This is to Kimberley and I

QUOTE

"i have givin 5 kids up also im 8 months pregnant and going to give this one up to " UNQUOTE

Yeah RIGHT of course you have ......and if my some slim minute possibility that you are not a troll, then you need to seriosuly get some s*x EDUCATION

Do you think its actually funny to take the p**s ?

Answer 9

Hi,

Sorry I don't have a story.  Have you found out if you are having a boy or a girl?  Just curious.

Good luck,

Michelle

Answer 10

I will not post my story here because it doesn't fit the "party line" that seems to be prevelant here. There are a lot of similarities to what you re saying. If you would like to hear more you can email me.

If you don't want to place your baby for adoption, then don't. No one else can make that decision for you.

Good luck and God bless.

Answer 11

Well you have a lot of support from this adult adoptee.  I just can't rehash my whole story.  Please check my Q & As. Here's the super-condensed version.  Adopted at birth, searched at 22, have been reunited with my mother for 20 yrs.  She was a girl very much like you, bright, loving, but in the early 60s, women just didn't keep their kids.  We are both sad that we didn't get to be baby/child & mommy together.

There is nothing selfish about keeping your baby. I believe that adoption is wrong except in cases of abuse, addiction, or profound neglect.  NO ONE can replace you. NO ONE can be a better mother than YOU.  One of you is better than two millionaire parents (or whatever you're being told is better)

I'm frustrated that links do not seem to be working on Yahoo right now, but I'm going to give you LOTS of places to poke around--you'll just have to type them in.

Articles and information:

www.adoptioncrossroads.org

www.babyscoopera.com

www.exiledmothers.com

www.origins-usa.org

And this site:

www.antiadoption.com

They also have phone # for you to call for advice from women who were in a position like you at one time:

Adoption: Legalized Lies 908.751.4836

And you won't struggle everyday.  Maybe a couple years.  But you can, and should file for child support from the father.  You can be getting WIC right now.  You need to find out about govt. assistance.  Don't let anyone tell you that any of this will be impossible, although it seems insurmountable, it can all be done.

Feel free to e-mail me.

Remember: Adoption is a permanent ‘solution’ to a temporary problem.

Answer 12

abbreviated astory...

i was 18. i got pregnant. my bf and i were in a very turbulent relationship. my parents were concerned that i would not finish college and would end up poor and on welfare like so many other girls who had babies young. they encouraged me to make an adoption plan. i was matched to an infertile couple. after enduring the manipulation and coercive tactics of the adoption agency and the agony at the thought of losing my baby, i begged my parents to not make me give up my son. they supported me. and today he is a feisty, self-absorbed 16 year old, whom i could never imagine my life without.

i had little money, and received assistance (food stamps, WIC, medicaid) for about 7 years.  although we had a modest lifestyle, it was by no means, neglectful and abusive. if you really want to keep your kid, then please look into resources to help you parent. i actually am a big sis to a young lady who was in your similar situation and considering adoption. so it's amazing how many women will parent if given the support.

BTW, if you find out you're having a girl, i have to TON of baby girl stuff that i am giving away. i've decided NOT to give it to an agency that will resell it; yet to simply give it to people who need them.  

you can email me if you wish to chat off-board.

Answer 13

Its not selfish to parent your child.  If it feels wrong for you, then it IS wrong for you.

Remember $$ can't buy love.  Although you might struggle financial now, it may not always be that way.

I could go into my mushy wonderful amazing story of how two of our girls came into our family but i do not want to add to your confusion.

Keep your baby.  There are plenty of inspirational single mother stories here too.  You can do it.

I'm wishing you and your child all the best!

Answer 14

When I was Garbage by Allison Crews

Last year, when I was in 10th grade, I skipped a week of school. I was too scared, too humiliated, too sick and weak to leave my house. A week away from school earned me two weeks of "in-school suspension." Ten full school days I had to sit in a boxed-in desk, in a 6-by-20-foot room. Yellowing posters of needles and bottles of beer proclaiming "JUST SAY NO!" hung crookedly on the walls. I was allowed to go to the bathroom only twice daily, for 15 minutes. When you are five weeks pregnant, 30 minutes a day is hardly adequate for throwing up.

I sat at my desk, 15 years old, failing in school, pregnant, sick and terrified. I sat at my desk, rubbing my still-flat stomach and clenching my jaw tightly to hold down my vomit. "Two more hours and I can throw up," I reassured myself. I replayed the moment of truth in my mind millions of times during those two weeks. The moment I saw the second line appear on the pregnancy test stick. POSITIVE. POSITIVE. POSITIVE. But from that moment on, I wasn't positive about anything. Except the fact that I needed desperately to vomit. I wrote furiously in my blue velvet covered journal, tearing the pages with my Hello Kitty pen and smearing the ink with my tears. Fantasies of virgin-white wedding dresses and sponge painted nurseries unfolded on those blank pages, in the brief moments after bathroom breaks, when my fears were purged and flushed away. Incoherent poems and pessimistic single line entries poured out during the rest of the long days. Many pages read only "NO!" in bold letters, traced over and over, the impressions appearing on the next several pages.

I remembered facts I had learned as a freshman in "s*x-education" about teenage pregnancy. Teenage mothers are a burden to society. The children of teenage mothers inevitably become crack-addicted gang members. Teenage mothers never successfully complete high school, let alone attend college. These weren't just statistics, I was led to believe, but invariable truths. I had become garbage, worthy only to sit in my isolated desk and cry to myself and throw up in a dirty bathroom stall. I was a pregnant teenage girl.

After my two weeks of suspension, I forced my pregnancy to hide in the depths of my mind. Thoughts of my future and of becoming a mother all but disappeared, forced to linger with memories of childhood and homework assignments. It was forgotten. My boyfriend and three friends who knew of my pregnancy assumed I would abort. I was not the type of girl who becomes a mother. Months began to pass, and the only sign of pregnancy were my swollen b*****s and an infrequent fluttering in my belly. These signs, undetectable to anyone but myself, dredged up the fears that I thought I had buried so well. I was actually pregnant, I began to realize again, more clearly than I had since those two weeks I had spent in isolation, with only my thoughts and my morning sickness. I continued to hide my pregnancy, even as it became more and more obvious.

School was dismissed during my sixteenth week of pregnancy. My boyfriend and I were engaged in another vicious, mud-slinging fight. He threw the lowest blow. At the time I was so enraged and angry that I could not imagine a more evil act being committed. He told my parents I was pregnant. I realize now what an amazing thing he did for me, although his intent at the time was only to cause me pain. My pregnancy was real. Not only to me, but also to my parents, to my sister, to my relatives, to my newly appointed obstetrician. I was having a baby. There was no turning back. I watched a fuzzy little worm of a baby dance across a television screen, as I lay on a long sheet of wax paper, my stomach exposed and covered in chilled jelly. This was what had been causing me to vomit. This was what had been causing me to outgrow every bra I owned. This was what had caused me so much heartbreak and pain those first few weeks. What appeared to be a hand raised up, next to what appeared to be a head. "Hello mommy!" my 60-something year old OB said in a squeaky voice that I assumed was supposed to be a baby's. "I'm a baby boy." I realized then that this little worm that had caused my life to turn upside down in a matter of weeks was no worm at all. He was my son.

It was assumed my son would be given up for adoption, just as a few weeks earlier it had been assumed he would be aborted. I am not sure who made this decision. But it was not me. I wanted to be a good mother. My beautiful, fuzzy black and white son, who swam inside of me like a fish, deserved only the best. No mother under that magical age of 18 could provide that, and, being that I was only 15, I would have to let somebody else raise him. That was the 'right' thing to do. My boyfriend and I met with a lovely couple. A very rich, childless couple. While I enjoyed their company at dinner, and definitely enjoyed the food that they bought for me, I did not want them to be the parents of my son. I wanted my boyfriend and I to be his parents. We WERE his parents. The boyfriend and I left dinner that night, walking ahead of the lovely couple and my parents.

"We can call your lawyer and work out the rest of the details this week," my mom cooed to the lovely wife.

"I guess we made our decision," my boyfriend whispered. I was trapped.

I did call the lawyer, we did work out details. I cried myself to sleep every night for the next four months, staining my navy blue pillowcases. I wanted desperately to be a mother, not simply a baby machine for such a lovely couple. The lovely wife, I learned one night after Lamaze class, was pregnant. Relief flooded my swelling body. 'I can keep my baby!' I silently rejoiced. 'I have diapers to buy, clothes to wash, car seats to find, nursing bras and slings to sew!'

"We still want to adopt though. You know our history of miscarriage."

'Oh well. I guess I can't keep my baby after all.' I was deflated.

Sure enough, the lovely wife miscarried at 12 weeks. She called me nightly, crying and thanking me for giving her my son. I was, she told me, the only thing that kept her from giving up on life. My son and me. "OUR baby" became his name while she talked to me on the phone. She gave me weekly reports of how the nursery was coming along (complete with a 2,000 dollar classic Pooh mural, which I am sure would make a world of difference to a newborn), the hundreds of dollars they were spending on clothes, how excited their family was, and how much they loved "our baby" already. The hole got deeper. I couldn't crawl, scratch or shovel my way out. By law in California, birth mothers must meet with an 'adoption facilitator.' This mediator 'counsels' you and explains the process of adoption too you. I repeatedly told her,over the course of two months "Lisa, I don't want to do this! I want my baby!"

"Well, I want to take a cruise to the Bahamas. But if I took a cruise to the Bahamas, I wouldn't have money left for rent or food. Sometimes what we want isn't what is best."

Oh, yes, babies and cruises are so similar! How could I have been so blind? I later learned that adoption facilitators, while required by the state, are not employed by the state. Prospective adoptive parents employ adoption facilitators. At the time, I wasn't aware of this. I believed this woman. I was selfish to want to raise my son. How could I be so selfish? (She did use the word "selfish"). Pregnant teens are garbage. Once the baby is born, the mother becomes even smellier garbage, dependent on her parents and society's tax dollars to support her children. I had to do something to hoist my son above the metaphorical garbage bin. I had to give him to this lovely couple; they were not garbage, like I was.

I grew during those weeks, not only physically (60 pounds!) but emotionally and spiritually. I meditated, prayed, screamed, cried, slept, wrote, read and thought. I realized I was more capable than I was being led to believe. I made my decision, 38 weeks into my pregnancy. I informed my boyfriend of this decision. "I am keeping the baby. I don't care what anyone says or feels. I WILL NOT lose my son. They want any baby, and I only want mine!" My boyfriend and I were going to tell my parents the next evening at dinner. I fell asleep quickly, not sobbing into my pillow like I had grown used to doing during those pain and growth-filled three months. I was keeping my baby.

I woke up to go to the bathroom that night at around 2 a.m. As I waddled to the bathroom, I looked down the hallway and saw my boyfriend typing away at the computer, talking to some stranger on the internet, like he usually did while staying the night. Then came the gush. "JOHN! MY WATER BROKE!" I panted, attempting to jog down the hallway. Then came the pain. "JOHN! I AM HAVING CONTRACTIONS ALREADY! It wasn't like this in the Lamaze videos! The women in those never got contractions so fast- there must be something wrong with me! I gripped the edge of my kitchen counter, and watched the clock on the microwave. Six minutes apart, the orange numbers informed me. I stayed calm, just like I had planned. I packed my bag, brushed my teeth, wrote e-mails to all of my pregnant friends online, wrote in my journal and cried. I forced my mom to drive me to the hospital at 5:15 am. She didn't believe I was really in labor, but still told me "OK, I will call the lovely couple and let them know to start driving down." She said this in the middle of a contraction.

"NO! DON'T YOU PICK UP THAT #%@!ING PHONE! THIS IS MY BABY. GOT IT?"

She told me we would "Talk about it after the baby came."

The baby came   CONT&#39

Answer 15

I am very hesitant to write out my story here. I really can't deal with the nasty comments right now.If you email me I am more than willing to share or you can get part of the story from my blog http://aislin13.wordpress.com/ You can also talk with mothers and adoptees at the nightly chat at adoptioncrossroads.org.

The bottom line is that if it feels wrong, it is wrong. If you feel this strongly now you should not do it. The feelings do not get better with time if it is not what you want. Do not do something like this because of what others want or think is best. If you need help or resources to parent many of us will help. Just email and we will find things in your area

Answer 16

Please be aware that there will be people that will email you from here wanting your baby. It happened to an earlier poster today. (she got heaps)

Adoption agencies and those that are dying to have a child - will tell you anything and everything to get your child. Just be aware.

If you need to - make you email private if it all gets too much.

My adoption story can be read on my blog -

http://   chezblot.blogspot.com/

(copy & paste into your web browser - then take out the gap after the //)

Also there are many many links on my blog - on the right hand side - to many other adoptee blogs and mother's that have relinquished babies to adoption. (click and a list will appear)

Please know that if you want to keep your child - there is help out there for you to do so.

You may be young - but that's temporary.

Adoption is a long term fix to an often short term problem.

Babies don't need money - they just need a mum that is going to love them like crazy and care for them the best that they can.

I'm an adoptee - and my mother was forced into giving me up by my grandmother - even though my father offered marriage. Be strong for your baby - and don't let anyone railroad you into something you may regret later.

I wish you and your baby all the very best in the future.

Email me if you wish - through my profile.

ETA: sweetie - where there's a will - there's a way.

If you both want to keep this child - and I can tell you both do - just do it. You WILL make it work.

Check out here for resources and more stories - these people will help you to keep your child. (link on the left of the first page)

http://   origins-usa.org/

(again close up the gap after //)

You can finish college later. It's been done by countless young mums before you.

Again - if you need support - email me.

Hugz.

Poss. xx

ETA2: yes - there are many others that would love your child - but as an adoptee - who has lived the adopted life for 38 yrs - your child wants YOU - needs YOU - and unless you think you'll harm your child (which I highly doubt) - your child should grow up with you and his/her father.

Don't get sucked in by that talk of 'being a selfless act' - your child wants you.

An adoptee that visits here regularly was pregnant young - and she almost relinquished. She was made to write down a list of all she could give her unborn child.

All she came up with was LOVE.

She kept.

The child is now in highschool - and she's an amazing mum - and he's an amazing son.

Take things slow. Hormones make you crazy enough as it is.

Oh - and remember to breathe!! LOL.

Poss. x*x

Answer 17

If you wnat to keep your child then keep your child.  You can find a way.  I support people's choices, whatever that choice may be, provided no harm ever comes to the child, if you are able to raise him/her, want to raise him/her the how will come.

Good luck.

Answer 18

Not having money to raise your child is a cop-out, the government supplies funds to help families. Single mothers single fathers... etc, (even though single fathers are very rare..)

There are so many resources now days that you can't even say that... But I would do anything to keep my baby..

Start by not even considering it.

from that moment on if your serious then the child will remain at home with you.

Where their is a will there is a way..

If my real mom ever came to me and explained that  "I could not afford to raise you.."  I'd slap her and spit on her. And make sure my own children had nothing to do with her.

Where there is a will there is a way.

Answer 19

I think you should make the choice that is right for you.

And smart people with 4.0 gpa's generally do gather information and advice and sort through it accepting what applies and disregarding what does not apply.

It's hard to not  to want to make important people in your life happy with your choices but you are the one who will live with the consequences of your life.

Weigh the input you get from all sources.

Young mothers, and young single mothers can and often do make it just fine and are perfectly able to parent their children. Yes, it is hard and money will be and always is an issue but, only you know in your heart if you have what it takes to look for all the ways to make a safe, loving and supportive home for a baby.

It costs a lot to raise a child, but there are resources that may help as stepping stones. Just because you become a mother does not mean that you have to stay home and live on welfare the rest of your life. It doesn't mean you can't finish college--or use the assistance you need as stepping stones to a better life.

It costs a lot to raise a child and being ready is always a "relative" idea. There are many well loved, happy and healthy children raised in modest lives... It sometimes has more to do with the love and stability than what size television screen we have or how often we eat out...Sometimes hard work, learning to live on a budget, learning to cook the old fashond way from scratce, makes a family closer....

Only you can know how you feel about your ability to struggle and do your best. I was a young mother with two children by the age of 21... I was married to their father and he was less then a year older. It was hard--long and stressful our marriage didn't survive--50% don't and we won't know if it was just because we were young or any other the million other reasons it could have been.

Would it have been better to finish college, have a nice home, great job and wonderful marraige before having children? YES.... of course. Did I parent children who felt safe, secure and grew to be funcioning and successful young adults--who didn't make the same mistake I did?  Yes!

It isn't easy to be a young parent with little or no support, but it doesn't mean it is impossible and there are people all over who have been able to do it.

Adoption is a choice you have, if you make this choice be sure you are making it and not letting other people and what they might expect or think of you make this choice for you. If you go along with anyone else's preasure or advice to make them happy, or because you respect them, or for any reason other then the fact it is the right reason in your own heart then you will one day feel bitter or angry about not standing up and making the decision for yourself.

You can recover from the disappointment of your parents, and you can get over the fact that you did what you thought you were way toooooo smart to have done in the first place. If you believe you can love, and offer a baby a mom who will do what ever it takes to build a good life then trust yourself....

Answer 20

If you want to raise your child..then by all means do it...don't allow family or friends pressure you otherwise...and don't allow possible people looking to adopt sway you in that direction...this decision is forever going to change your life...placing for adoption..you can Never guarantee that your child will be in the happy loving home...sometimes yes..and sometimes no...you will think about the child daily..there's alot of emotional,mental anguish that come with this choice...is it financial needs...family pressure or what that makes you feel this way...if you feel this way about wanting your child...when I had my son at a young age...I didn't have the money either..and it wa very hard...but I made it...and so can you..you can apply for state help til you get up on your feet etc...not sure on your age...I work from home for a company using my computer...been working with this company a couple yrs...if it's needing a job your seeking..I would be happy to email you the info and help you in that way...

DON"T sign anything....talk to people that are looking out for you and your baby...many agencies will only tell you what you want to hear...from the child will have this and that..making you feel even lower and not good enough...they will offer to pay your way for expences etc until after you have the baby...You're under no obligation to turn your baby over...if you're in a situation with an agency or adoptive lawyer and don't want to go any further..you make that known now...you may have to pay them back for any funds they may have already provided....and pls if anyone says it's to late...it's BS

ETA..things are looking so overwhelming for you at the moment..things will not always be a struggle...a baby has no concept of money or material things right now...they do feel love and comfort...getting food stamps etc does not mean you cannot provide for your child...it's available for people that do need it and don't feel shame if you must get that help til you get on your feet...you won't be in college forever...you can get childcare expenses covered with the states help if family won't help you...your baby doen't need everything brand new..I have lots of stuff if you decide to keep your baby..just get a po box...money..like I said..I work from home..I set my own hours and days off...works because I don't have the worry of strangers caring for them..so I work late at night and early morning while they sleep..and it pays well..another thought to consider...when you look at your child for the 1st time..your heart melts..this person is part of you...you deserve to see this child grow up..watch the first smile,1st words,steps...everything....when placing in adoption you can only wonder and hope that you made the right choice...being a parent isn't always easy it can be draining especially with terrible 2's..however at the end of the day...they are worth every second..I feel your pain and know all to well what you're going through..but pls know there is light at the end of this...nobody can make this choice for you..and again..beware of the agencies..they only really look out for the AP for the most part...not saying all agencies are bad and not all Ap are bad...but this is your baby who you already love...otherwise you would not be so torn apart

ETA>>just because things right now would be hard financially...doesn't mean you don't deserve your child...you deserve your child just as much as your little baby deserves you...as far as not having family support....don't worry about them..all you need to focus on is You and what You want..not what they think is best...only you know what's best and what you want...they are not in your place...they don't have to live your life...sorry about the book :)

Answer 21

Your parents are still in shock about the news.  They do not realize yet that they are going to be grandparents.  Being a grandparent is the best job in the world!

Tell them that you are raising your child with or without their support.  I believe that they will help.  Also, have them read "The Girls Who Went Away" by Ann Fessler so the understand the impact of adoption on mothers who are forced to give their children away.

I know many, many families who are helping solo sons and daughters to be good parents.  Some considered adoption but once they realized the impact on the family and the child, they rejected it as an option.  The grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins all came together to celebrate a new life in the family.  In fact, less than 2% of unmarried women who experience unplanned pregnancies choose adoption these days.

My daughter's best friend in high school was convinced by her family to give her son away in an "open" adoption.  The couple closed the adoption immediately after the final papers were signed.  The entire family mourns for her lost son.  Not a happy outcome at all.

Adoption is not win/win/win.  A family gains a child.  A family loses a child.  A child loses his/her heritage and family of origin.  Not a lot of win there.

Answer 22

I'm sorry I don't have an Adoption story for you but I do know of a wonderful loving person who would do almost anything to become a Mom but she cant because of some health problems. so there are really nice wonderful family's out there!

Don't sign anything until after your baby is born!! I know that it would be so hard for me to hand my son off to some one right after I held him for the first time! Fight to keep your child, do your best not to put him/her up for adoption!!! I know of some Moms who don't have anything but Honey things don't matter, as long as you have your baby!! I'll pray for you!

Answer 23

When I was 16 my mom got pregnant buy my sisters BF.

I hated her and begged her to place the child for adoption or have an abortion. (I was acting on emotion). I couldn't imagine why she would was this baby.

She didn't take my suggestions. And I  THANK GOD SHE DIDN'T. I now have a 10 year old sister who I love to death. She's coming to stay with me for the summer.

Things change after the baby IS HERE. The love pours out.

Just know, if it feels wrong, weather is adoption, or anthing else, then it's probably is.

Answer 24

It sounds like the only reason that you would even consider adoption is because other people are pressuring you.  My advice is to imagine your life 5 or 10 years from now having kept your baby vs, having relinquished.  Which choice do you think you can live with?  I know you said the baby's father is against adoption.  Are you planning a future together?  All the more reason to keep this child.

Answer 25

As an adopted adult, I can say that only you can make that decision. Of course you are freakin out and emotional. This is big stuff. It sounds like your heart is telling you to keep your baby and your head and other people are telling you it is easier to give it up.  Yes, it would be easier. But it is your child. It is a human being created in your body specifically hard wired to love you the way you love it. Giving it to some "deserving couple" will not change that fact.

I work with adults that are desperately trying to deal with that loss and reconnect with their birth parents. Most of us feel cheated and shamed that our biological mothers didn't want us. No matter what the "good" reason might have been for doing so.  

I do know that there isn't an adult anywhere that would trade their mother for a nicer apartment or fancy clothes or a different school district. There is not one adult who grew up loved by their parent that would trade one moment they had together.

Will your life be different than you planned? Yes. But it could also be better, as long as you have love.

Will it be harder? Damned straight. Yes. It will be. But so it growing up wondering why the person who gave you life didn't want to go that extra mile with you, and took the easy way out.  

Google a book called : Primal Wound, you can read it online and see what it says.

You obviously love your child as any mother would. Don't be fooled or tricked by movies like Juno into believing the adoption triad lie.  Listen to your heart and it will lead you to the truth.  Mothers and babies are ment to be together forever. No matter what.  God bless you.

Answer 26

i have givin 5 kids up also im 8 months pregnant and going to give this one up to

Answer 27

As a woman who had given her child up to adoption, I can tell you that it is a hurt that never heals and it will haunt you until you reunite with your child again.

Answer 28

I'm an adoptee.  I was adopted at birth.  I would encourage you to keep your baby by any means possible.  My first mother was in college when she got pregnant with me.  Her father made her give me up for adoption.  Times were very different then and unmarried women just didn't keep their babies.  She really regretted it.

I got pregnant when I was in college, too.  I was a little older than you, but I wasn't working or anything either.  I got on government aid and grants from school and my daughter's father helped out a little, too.  I finished nursing school when my daughter was two and was able to support us right out of school.  

It can be done.  You're lucky the baby's father is supportive of you.  It's possible that your families will come around once they see that you two are serious and cannot be bullied into giving away your baby to strangers.  

Even if they don't, you can still do it, I know because I did.  It definitely wasn't easy, but my daughter is almost your age now and she's fine and I'm so glad I have her.  

Best wishes to you and your baby.

Oh, and one more thing to think about.  Neither of my birth parents had any more children after me.  My mother was infertile after she had me, and my father married someone infertile.  Not the most common story, but just thought I'd add that as it is part of my 'adoption story'.