Adoption vs. Birth Father Rights.?

Question

I am in an awfully stressful situation. I'm 7 and a half months pregnant, single, and 21 years old. I have made the decision to have my little baby boy adopted once he is born. I made this decision for the sake of my child, considering the father and I's awful relationship with each other, as well as financial, and emotional reasons. I was in a relationship with the father that ended up being very emotionally abusive and so I left the relationship, then found out that I was pregnant shortly after. For control reasons, the father refuses to give up his rights, saying he'll fight for the child. (he also said I should have had an abortion, but if I was going to have the baby, he wouldn't let it be adopted) He's being selfish. He's a new manager of a liquor store and is in alot of debt from school, etc. I'm wondering what his chances are of winning in court considering he hasn't had this job for very long at all and is living with his mom... and likes drinking too much, etc...

Answer 1

Unfortunately, Sunshine is right. The option of giving away your child to a better life does not exist for you or your child anymore. Now that the father is aware of the pregnancy and perfectly willing to use an innocent baby as a weapon against you, you have only three choices left: Stay and fight to share your son with the horrible father as little as possible, give him completely to the horrible father (and pay for the privelege of doing so), or get the heck out of dodge while still pregnant (so as to not be accused of kidnapping) and start a new life somewhere else (possibly with the assistance of a battered women's shelter) to keep the two of you as safe as possible for as long as possible.

They are all bad choices and it stinks, but they are all you have. Contact a battered women's agency to hash out your best plan. Good luck

The father of kellie o's baby must not be so bad for her to want him to be around still. That is not the case for you, so that does not apply in this situation.

As far as Amy V, I hope she is correct about the birth certificate situation in Texas and that you are in Texas. That would be a great 4th possibility. However, here in California the birth certificate means nothing. Any man could lay a claim and force the mother and baby to submit to DNA testing. There goes that if your state is like mine.

A lawyer once told me that the government believes that any father is better than no father, even a s**+**y father. She and I, of course, disagree. No father means adoption to a better life or the possibility of replacement by a good man. A s**+**y father means no better life and constant interference that precludes replacement. I think we can all see where the real best interests of the child lie.

Call a battered women's hotline asap! Emotional abuse is still abuse, this power and control stuff is classic domestic violence. They can help you!

Answer 2

Talk to a lawyer.

He is being selfish. You are willing to give YOUR child a better life, and he's wanting to make your life miserable by making you fight for your wishes.

Talk to a lawyer and his parents.

Answer 3

The birthfather does have to relinquish parental rights for a child to be placed for adoption.  However, if he is abusive like you say, his rights can be terminated through the legal process for being an unfit parent.  Do you have any documentation of past abuse?  police reports?  restraining orders?  Talk to a lawyer, and in the meantime, document anything he says or does.

Answer 4

right now i am in the process of puttin my child up for adoption i have been working with a adoption agency for a month or so now and am five months pregnant.My childs father acts as if he wants the baby but as you can't afford to keep his lights on.The agency said that he has 30 days after the baby is born to have $1800 for the dna test, a home, a crib, income, and show he can pass dhs standards and then he is more then welcome to raise the child.Do I think he will pull through no but after the baby is born if you don't want to deal with it you won't because the adoption agency will be there with you and let you sign you rights away and he will go through them and your towns legal system.That is what i am going to do.

Answer 5

In some states, like Texas, I think the birth mother can give up without having to have the birth father's consent. But I don't know about if they fight. Contact your adoption agency and tell them the situation. I took my son without the birth father signing off and they agency was able to counsel him into eventually signing off

Answer 6

you have better chance in the winning because if have suitable laction and facticlies you wiil win.

Answer 7

I am sorry but i think you are the one being selfish THE MAN WANTS TO BE A FATHER WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?  Just because he was terrible to you DOES NOT MEAN he will do the same to that child and IF IT WASNT FOR THAT MANS SPERM YOU WOUDLNT EVEN BE PREGNANT IN  THE FIRST PLACE GROW UP!  

SAY IT WITH ME B-I-R-T-H C-O-N-T-R-O-L

I wish my babys daddy cared about my kids!

Answer 8

You two still have the opportunity to do the right thing for your child.  Think of your child first by going to the courthouse and getting a marriage license and marriage certificate.  Take your parents and his parents for witnesses.  Your stress level and his stress level will lower significantly.  Everyone's self image and self respect will improve immediately thereafter.  Your child will appreciate being born legitimately.  So do it tomorrow.  It costs less than a $100 and takes two days usually.  Don't take "no" for an answer.

Answer 9

The ex has a job as a manager and too much school debt?

Sounds like any typical young man trying to make something of himself. And, he wants to be the father of his child.

Whats next? Will you complain about him being hard working and not able to spend enough time with you because he works too much?

Answer 10

Play it safe and be careful too. the last thing you want is to let him win. One thing is he is the father no matter what you try to prove, and he has as rights as you do over this baby. If you sens that he might win his case then let the judge know that you will then keep the baby. Once the child is born make him pay you child support. also remember, even if he has been rude to you it doesn't mean that he won't be a good father. It also doesn't mean that you will get back together. Life goes on, one day you are going to start dating again, then get married and all the good things will come. I feel your pain but be strong and good luck. Focus more on the new event that you will have very soon in your life no matter which way it turns out.

Answer 11

Well, I am sorry to tell you that in Texas, the father of the baby has to sign or be served with adoption papers in order for a baby to be placed for adoption.

In many courts, his lack of stability may never be much of a factor.  I have seen dozens of cases where the birthfather intervened on the adoption plans.  It is messy and often tragic.  Depending on the state you live in, birthfathers sometimes have so many rights -- even abusive ones!  The judges in many courts are more concerned about the father's rights thatn they are with the child's rights to a happy life.  A plan the child's birthmother has made.

Unfortunately, winning a case against a birthfather is not always even the biggest factor, either.  These cases can take 1-2 YEARS to be decided.  Meanwhile, the adoptive family (if the baby is placed), and the birthmother, are going crazy.  There may be dozens of court hearings, and if the birthfather does keep up with all of it, a long and very drawn out procedure.   Many just give up after awhile -- it can be costly to them to hire an attorney and go to court.  But if they don't make too much money, some states appoint a FREE attorney to represent them.  And DNA?  Usually the Agency is required to pay for his DNA paternity testing, and his homestudy, etc.  He has to have a homestudy just like the adoptive parents did, but the court appointed caseworkers who perform these in some states, can sometimes be more on the "rights of the father" bandwagon.  You have to be a mass serial killer to get a bad report in some cases.  

You are in a tough place.  You will simply have to take a chance that he will not answer his serve, and then his rights can be terminated if the sheriff/server feels like he was indeed served with papers.  Or he may choose to ignore the serve, and then he may have his rights terminated in some states.

I hope you are already working with a good licensed adoption agency, because they need to have already had him served by now.  It takes about 2 months to complete.  And if all this is not resolved before the baby is born, most adoptive parents will be too scared of the situration to adopt.

If you need the names of some good agencies, let me know.  Just email me and I will write back.

Good luck!

Answer 12

Talk with social services or the agency you plan on placing the child with regarding how to handle the situation.

Answer 13

Awful situation, but keep one thing in mind here, and it will make your decision more focused.............The child.....what is in the best interest of the child? Weigh all the factors in all of the scenarios, adoption, you raising him, etc., then make a decision, and stick to it.  Seek legal advice here, do not do it alone.  Yes, the bills will come, but that is what we "work" for.  Do all in your power to make sure that child does not suffer from any of this mess.  Remember...........God will never give you more than you can handle, and what does not kill us, always makes us stronger.  Hold your head high, do the right thing for that baby, and be strong. I wish you the best.

Answer 14

Unless he has an extensive criminal history, if he can provide for the child, even with the assistance of his family, the child would probably be placed in his custody if you chose not to raise the child. Debts do not have much to do with considering custody issues, nor drinking habits, unless these lead to abuse and/or neglect, which cannot be determined yet....  

Unfortunately, you need both birth parents' consent for a child to be placed for adoption. Once you speak with an adoption agency, you will understand what kind of obstacle he presents for you. However, raising a child is a huge commitment, one that he may not be willing to make once he has the child in his custody. The child could possibly be placed for adoption later on down the road, after a couple months of his giving full time care. At any rate, good luck!

Answer 15

You can't force him to give up his rights, but if he doesn't want to then personally I wouldn't fight it.  You will not win.  He has the rights.  You know what will maybe change his mind?  File Child Support on him and it will be hard on him to do anything and eventually he will want to give them up.  My sons father did this...but I talked him out of it because my son was already 6 years old and it would hurt him more than anything.  He doesn't pay nearly enough child support either, but he complains about it.  Anyway, he may doing this in spite of you, but you can't take away what is his...are you married to him?  If not, you do not have to put his name on the birth certificate and then he won't have rights.  You can claim you don't know who the father is....you aren't married to the guy.  The only bad thing is is that you will never be able to get child support unless you go to court and get a DNA or if he requests it.  You can leave the birth father's name blank on the birth certificate or if you are dating someone else or married to someone else, that person can put his name on the birth certificate and then that guy really has no rights.  That is the loop hole...

Answer 16

Talk to an adoption. It varies from state to state. However, I do think that ususally the father has as much right to the baby as the mother does. Therefore what that means is that if you want to give the baby up for adoption, the father either has to sign something saying he agrees to terminate his rights (as you will have to agree to when you want to give the baby up) or he does have the right to keep the baby himself. It is legally his baby as much as it is yours. He does not have to do anything or prove anything to "qualify" as hte child's father -- but, he could be denied rights if he is proven to be an unfit parent. That's not easy to do and also varies from state to state. The laws also are different for men and women who are married than those who aren't. You really should talk to a lawyer who specializes in adoption law and find out what to do before your baby is born. Sorry this is hard for you. Good luck.

Answer 17

If he's the father, he has rights above any potential adoptive parents.

Unless you keep the child yourself, the father will get the child.  And the kicker is, he can come after YOU for child support.