Adoption vs Pregnancy and How to approach husband...?

Question

My husband and I haven't started "trying" to conceive yet, but we are in a position to conceieve yet but will be soon. I am nervous and having second thoughts. I have Lupus and a few other health issues that may make this a very long and hard road for us. I am not sure I want to go through all of that.

I would like to adopt but am nervous about that idea as well. I really want an infant to raise or maybe a toddler, I just feel it would be a better fit since we are a younger couple. However I have heard that would be a slim chance domesticly. Anyone have some experience with this? I also dont know how to bring this up to my hubby. He did say once that if we couldnt have our own he would want to adopt. How do I approach it in a manor that wont have him feeling defensive if we dont even try to get pregnant??

Thank you!!

Answer 1

If you truly want to adopt, maybe you can get on some lists now that you are so young and wait until the right child becomes available.  Adoption is about finding parents for children in need, so if you are avaiable, the right kids will come, albeit it will take much longer for the infant, so good to start now.

Answer 2

There are so many children not only in America but nation wide that NEED warm loving enviroments... why bring more into the world?

Answer 3

I think you should just broach it, say how do you feel about adoption? Once the conversation is started it should be easy to say what you just said here, he might surprise you. Adoption is expensive, but very cheap if you go through foster care, they have  a lot of older children, but they also have infants and toddlers. My husband and I adopted an infant that was placed with us at 2 weeks old, and that was our first foster situation. I know it can't be that rare because I know a lot of other foster parents with infants and toddlers that are beginning adoption procedings. Best of luck!

Answer 4

Adopting an infant is a long and expensive process. And your Lupus will be a factor in that also. But adopting an older child through foster care will be easier and is more needed. I have also considered adoption due to my own medical history and fears of pregnancy. To start with I also only wanted a baby. But when you see the older children they steal your heart also.

Answer 5

If having Lupus makes it difficult for you to conceive or to carry a child to term, it's a no-brainer to me to adopt and your husband should see that also. I can't imagine that he would want to put your life or health in jeopardy just so that he can have biological offspring! You married a kind, loving man, right? I'm sure he's a good person or you wouldn't be with him. There is no reason to put your health in jeopardy in order for you to have children. There are thousands of children in foster care in the U.S. who are just waiting for loving families. Get informed, read, spend time on this board, and talk to your husband every step of the way. Involve him in your research and do what is best for you as a couple.

Answer 6

If you're trying to avoid issues, just don't have kids.  Because, really, you can't avoid issues if you've got a choice between genetic disorders and adoption.  We knew going into adoption that, really, if we conceived it would probably be the same difference because I have enough genetic disorders in my family for a frikin' army.  May as well give a home to a child who really needs one, rather than create a brand new life with issues.

If you decide to adopt, please consider adopting through foster care.  Infants rarely need a substitute family, but foster kids DO.  (Either way, it's not going to be easy.  Might as well choose the path that's best for the child, because what's best for you just ain't gonna happen!)