Adoptioning?

Question

Okay, so i dont really know how to ask this, but ive always wanted a little sister, My parents are devorced So its bro, mum, & me.

& i feel like so empty Like thers a big gap in my heart or something . . .

I do have depression due 2 being molested . . .

& i feel like, like, i need someone to get me going & busy, thus a child.

We are in Victoria-Asutralia

So i was wondering if anyone would have any sites or information plz ?

I just wantto seriously look into it plllz

& if anyone has done this, what were the results to u ?

Answer 1

Hi,

If you check your last question - I've added a link to adoption in Victoria, Australia.

There aren't many adoptions occurring in Australia anymore - as they mostly try hard to keep families together.

I am an adoptee - my grandmother and society (in the 60's) pushed my mother into giving me up to adoption - simply because she wasn't married at the time.

My father offered marriage - but the pressure was too great.

I was adopted into another state - and my mother and father went on to marry and have 3 more kids.

Although I had a very loving adoptive family - I always wanted to know about my first family - the family I was born to.

I've finally found them - I'm now 38 - but it's been really really hard going - as now I'm in between 2 families - not totally fitting snuggly into either.

Adoption should only be about caring for a child that can't live with his/her parents/family any more.

Think about it - how would you feel if you had to go live with a family of strangers - and you weren't allowed to know or contact your first family until a lot later in life - and only if you can find them in the first place.

It's hard on the adoptee.

I'm so sorry that you're feeling so lonely. And having depression is no walk in the park - I know - I've suffered it through many times in my life.

Know that you're not alone. Trying to find others that are in similar situations would be really helpful for you. Maybe you can find a support group online.

I used to visit 'depressionNet' - an online Australian support group/forum -

http://www.depressionet.com.au/

I have found that talking to others that are in a similar situation to be really really helpful - both with depression issues - and with being an adoptee.

Any time you may feel the need - drop me a line also. I'd be happy for you to contact me.

Take care & best wishes.

Edited to add -

Here is a link to find out details about Foster Care in Victoria.

http://www.cwav.asn.au/foster/index.html

Answer 2

Hi Shimi,

I can understand you wanting a little sister.  I can understand that you are lonely & depressed from other issues that are going on in your life at this time.  I'm sorry for the pain & problems that they are causing you.  Has your mother set up counseling sessions so you can talk about those things in more depth with a trained professional?  Or perhaps there's a counselor you could talk to at your school?  I would recommend that as a starting point for you to help fill that big gap in your heart you referred to.

There are many other ways to deal with things besides looking to a younger child to fill that need.  You see, the thing about little children, they come with their own sets of needs and that's what social workers consider most when determining the most appropriate home for any given child.

You are probably looking at adoption for your mother & not for yourself.  That would have to be something that she decides to do herself and for all the right reasons.  From what I understand, I don't think adoption's very common there anymore.  Many requirements must be met first.  That is not to discourage your mother from looking into adoption if that's what she truly wants to do, but just as a heads up to all it will entail.

In the meantime, there are plenty of ways to get involved with children that can be meaningful for both you and them.  Do any of your relatives have children that you can do things with and take places?  Have you considered babysitting for neighbors?  There are also community Big Sister programs where you can volunteer to be matched up with a younger girl in need, and the two of you get together and do fun things.  You would not have custody of her, your role would be more of a friend and mentor, somebody she can look up to for advice, and you could be a good role model for her.  Thank you for considering it as it really does make a difference in the life of a foster child.

Don't forget to stay on top of your studies and get involved in extra activities or sports at school.  Who knows - maybe someday you will be either a foster mother or an adoptive mother.  Good Luck.  Do be good to yourself, Shimi.

julie j

reunited adoptee

Answer 3

I'm glad to hear that you are in counseling.  Have you tried to speak with your counselor about options out there other than adoption for right now.  Adoption is a very stressful journey full of a lot of emotion - on all sides.  You need to be as strong mentally as possible before you even consider adoption.  

I'm also not sure how things work in Australia, but I would recommend if you do not receive the answer you are looking for here, that you post your question on the Australia site of Y!A (the link is on the page below).  Someone there might be able to assist you better.

Good luck to you.  Stay strong.

Answer 4

lol adoptioning is a real word though....

Answer 5

A good idea would be to start visiting a therapist (or you can call a hotline if your insurance won't cover a therapist) and that will help you some.  

If you feel like spending time helping other kids would help you, then why not volunteer?  I don't know if they have the Big Brothers and Sisters program in Canada, but if they do it's a great organization that really helps out kids who need it.  If not, I'm sure there are other after school programs and such that need volunteers.  

Adopting a child is a very permant thing, and you should be absolutely 100% before you decide to do it.  I woudl try volunteering and therapy first, and then go from there.  Good luck to you.

Answer 6

I think you would be better served trying to sort out your own problems rather than trying to convince your divorced mom to adopt a child.

first, it would be doubtful she would be permitted to adopt... typically single parents are not considered. second, would she even be interested in taking on another child into her life. As it is she has atleast one child (you) that apparently needs some extra attention - you said yourself you are depressed etc. Kids are a HUGE expense and responsibility... who says she would even want to take on another kid.

Secondly, a kid is not going to magicly make all of your problems all better... it might allow you to hide from them for a little bit but eventually you will have to deal with them. Being molested is a huge deal, it takes a long time to even somewhat recover from it. Do your parents know this happened to you? was it reported? have you been placed into therapy to start healing? are you really putting in the effort you should to make therapy work?

So I think you need to push aside this dream of making your divorced parents adopt a child - it is unlikely they would even want to do it anyway and instead take the time to refocus that energy into looking inward and facing the demons inside you and becoming a healthier you :)