Adoptive Parents, what let you to adopting your child through the route you did?

Question

Iknow that while we initially looked into fostercare adoption, we realized that at that point we couldn't meet the needs of an older "hard to place" child. We decided to adopt internationally because of the predictability of IA, and the fact that we felt we could meet the needs of an older infant or toddler, including some special needs or issues to consider and we were open to any race. We chose Korea because we found that the children there were actually waiting to be adopted, and the program was run ethically, and that was important to us.

What helped you to decide to adopt your child either through domestic, international, waiting child, or foster care adoption? (no judgements at all, I'm just curious)

Answer 1

We adopted via IA as at the time it was our only option really as the "authorities" who ran the adoption program in our state basically told us that there were hardly any children via local adoption and it was possible that we could wait up to 7 years.  My husband and I were under 30 at the time, but 7 years seemed like eternity.  

In the end, I think fate took over and steered us towards adopting from my home country.  Which in hindsight was the best thing that ever happened to me, as not only did it give me my children, but it allowed me to re-discover my roots as well.

Thanks for asking.

Answer 2

Well we were going to go the IA route from Guatamala and adopt a baby girl but suddenly it closed. I didn't want to domestic because I didn't want to "compete" against other familes, have a unknown long wait, and have contact with birthfamily. So ..... got a call from the director of the agency who knew what we did for a living and said she had a "special" birthmom. Lots of issue and needed people who understood her and would treat her kindly and realize that issues weren't genetic etc. Poor girl had numerous tragic and I mean tragic things happen to her. Anyhow we had nothing done, literally. WE got picked two days later and rushed next five weeks to finish all our stuff and are baby boy was born. We have a great realtionship with his birthfamily and am grateful I do know them as I where he gets his looks from and parts of his personality and when we had medical issues turned out to be ADHD and asthma which birth family has both was helpful. Things like none of his brothers really talked til they were four. Well he is four now and talks just fine was able to relax and reassure ourselves no he didn't have autism it was just the family hz and the ADHD.  So I got the total opposite of what I wanted but in the end it was exactly what I needed and hoped for!!!

Answer 3

I think you might want to look a little deeper into IA because there's nothing predictable about it. Its not a judgment about you its something you need to be aware of.  Too many a-parents fall into believing all children will bond with them and when many don't they're at a loss.

Answer 4

My wife and I were newly married and, as a lot of newlyweds, we thought we would have a couple of kids and perhaps one day we would adopt.  I was adopted as a child and had a very positive upbringing.  

Within the first 6 months of our marriage I was assigned to work in India and off we went.  Once we were there for a few months we learned about the possibility of adopting there and we started to look into it.  We still figured that we have our own kids but we just thought that we would do our adoption earlier because of the favorable circumstances.  Six weeks later, to the day, my daughter was in our home under a GPO through the Indian courts.  We had to complete the adoption back home once we returned but that was no problem.

About 6 months later we thought that we may go back to see about another one before we went back home for good but my wife learned that she was pregnant before we could do that and 9 months later my second daughter was born.  Four months after that we were home for good and were never able to adopt from there again.

Over the next few years we tried and tried but had no luck in conceiving.  Testing revealed that there were enough issues that, in the Doctor's words, we would never have any children.  We explained that only one of our daughters was adopted that that the younger of the two was born to us.  He essentially explained that it was one of lives miracles and to be thankful for what we had.  My wife started early menopause a year or so later so that was that.

Just last Aug I returned from an overseas military deployment and literally on the way home from picking me up my wife mentioned that she had heard about the Foster to Adopt program in our area.  We signed up, went through the classes and were approved in early Feb of this year.  A short time later we were offered a chance to bring a 4 day old home from the hospital and the rest is history.  I now have two adopted daughters, one of East Indian decent who is now 15 and the other of First Nations decent (North American Indian) almost 5 months and one biological daughter who is 13.  We are waiting till the fall and will resubmit our names yet again and plan to hold out for a boy this time (although my wife doesn't know that I'd not say no to another girl just because gender).

The first adoption was because of a desire to one day adopt and circumstances that allowed us to do it at that time while the second one was because of a desire to have more children once we realized we were unable to have any more biologically.  They need loving homes, we have a loving home...perfect fit.  We never really specified we wanted infants but we did request as young as practical just because we thought it would be easier for the children to adapt.  Any age would have been fine though.

Answer 5

I adopted my son through private adoption.  I had wanted to adopt for years, and always heard the fees were too much, too long of a wait, etc.  I was introduced to his first mom through a mutual friend, and for the most part, the adoption process was relatively simple, and not that expensive.  His mother's other child goes to the same school my son will.

Answer 6

Ditto for me.

Also, when we first started our journey, we made a list of pros/cons. At the time, we didn't feel we had the tools to parent an older child from foster care, especially as we were first time parents. We were pretty green.

Infant domestic didn't seem right for us either as it seemed that with the right amount of support many girls/women were perfectly capable of raising their child and it raised a slew of ethical concerns for us. Our SW said that in my province there were 10 couples for every healthy infant. We simply were not up for the competition.

We felt that IA was the route to go because there were children who already existed in the world and needed a family. We chose China specifically because it was an efficient and predictable program and we liked the idea of travelling to China in a group.

Everyone makes a decision that feels right at the time.

ETA: Independant, you are stuck in assumption junction. The "predictability" is about the PROGRAM - the process and paperwork, not the parenting.

Answer 7

I wanted a child and I wanted to fill a need at the same time, so we adopted children in foster care. It never entered my mind to adopt an infant because I knew that infants have no problem finding homes. I decided on a sibling group so I could keep part of a family together and out of the system. We just had so much love to give and I knew how much they needed love and commitment. It just seemed to be the right fit for us. I would do it again, but my son's needs are very demanding as he has Reactive Attachment Disorder. However, if my childrens' birth mother chose to relinquish another child, I would adopt that child to keep him or her with his or her brother and sister.

Answer 8

We had originally planned to adopt internationally, but ended up with a domestic, open adoption instead.

It's all Brigit's fault.  Hubby was reading a newsgroup he subscribed to, and spotted a post from a friend, with the subject "pregnancy"

He opened it, cause he knew she wasn't pregnant or likely to ever BE pregnant, and found what had been intended to be a private letter to a young woman who was planning to place her baby.  She had been catching h**l from some members of the group for her decision.  We contacted the mom-to- be, and told her we supported her decision, corresponded with her for a while, and  when she asked us to parent her child, we said yes.

We joke that he was our "e-mail order baby."

Answer 9

We adopted from China, for all of the reasons that you chose Korea.  It was a positive experience, and my little girl is the light of my life.  

But you're going to get the ignorant folks on here, saying something like "there's children in the U.S. that need homes".  Ignore them, they have no idea what the adoption process is like here at home.

Good luck to you and your family.

Answer 10

By talking with friend and collegues who had gone through our agency. As far as our decision to go the domestic route, it was more my husbands desire than mine. I would have been open to many more options, however, we are a team, and I had to understand his point of view with this life long decision.

I must say that our agency was wonderful. With a strong reputation of over 65 years, we still remain a part of the "family", attending meetings, picnics, and communicating to our daughter's BM through the birth parent counselor.