Adoptive Parents,I have a dilemma could you guys help me out?

Question

In about 6 months I will have the honor and pleasure of adopting 2 children. I took in my Niece (Age 10) after some circumstances I would not like to bring up. 6 Months later I think about and deiced that I should adopt Children. I sign the papers & begin the process.In the past I've had some trouble with Addiction and one thing lead to another & My problems resurfaced. I am what some people call An Alcoholic & a Necrotic and getting help. My Neice knows about this and is Ok with it. Am I suppose to bring my past up and current situation the same way I did with my Niece? If I'm not how should I bring it up differently? Any Advice would be appreciated.

Answer 1

Daily meetings, Big Book, antibuse?

Children depend on YOU.

Answer 2

Bring it up with who? The adoption agency or DCFS? You are legally required to bring up that info to them. I'm surprised you're allowed to adopt at all--not because you're not capable of doing it, but that they have strict laws prohibiting people with dependence problems from adopting children. I'd look into things so you don't get into trouble--I want to wish you the best of luck!

Answer 3

I wat to start off by saying I am sorry that you are struggling.  Addiction is very difficult thing to overcome.

When going through the adoption process (Homestudy) you past is going to be brought up.  you really need to be honest and up front with them.

As an adoptive mom you will potentially be bringing children into your home with many needs.  they may have been taken from their parents because their parents had addictions just like yours.  While it would be easy for you to relate and I have no doubt you could love these children, they really need a stable environment.

It would be very unhealthy for them to go from their parents who have addictions and issues, into an adoptive home with similar problems.

I highly suggest that you give youself some time to get completely well, physically, mentally and spiritually, and then begin your journey to adoption

Best of luck to you

Answer 4

Yes, you should be honest with them...period.

I would not, however, spring this on them when they walk in the door.

First things first. You need to make sure you are fully capable of taking care of these children without relapse....or if you have a relapse, you need to have a firm and trusted back-up plan for what you will do. Next, you need to welcome them home and be supportive of them and their needs and their worries and fears. I would focus on them at the beginning....I don't know how long specifically, but the point is that you don't want them to come into the home and immediately feel as though they are your therapists (I know that isn't your intent). I think once they are feeling a little more comfortable with you, your niece, your home, and your life, ease into the conversation. Tell them in simple terms about your past....don't get caught up in details....they will ask questions if they want to know more. Focus, instead, on the future...on where you plan to go as a family and how this will help them to know that you are certainly not perfect and that you too can make mistakes...but that everyone can better their situation...and that everyone can learn from their mistakes. I would frame it in that 'sort' of language. I think these kids are older...they might not want to hear your buddies talk about addiction....they may be in the 'tune out adults' phase. What you could do is just spend some time with the buddies that you trust implicitly...and allowing them and/or their families to 'hang out' with ya'll....so that if the kids want to talk about things they can or they can simply listen if they want. What you want to try to avoid is having a friend around them who may relapse. While that is nearly impossible to control, I think this may cause all of your children to fear that you too will relapse...so make it someone who has been clean for a long while....someone who is strong in their sober living...someone who adores you and your niece. I wish you well.

Answer 5

Firstly, did you mean "neurotic?"  Necrotic refers to anything that leads to deadening of bodily tissues.  I'm pretty sure that's not what you are.  Neurotic generally refers to a susceptibility to mental distress.

If you have problems with alcohol and other issues that require treatment, you need to be certain that you are on firm footing with those first.  Otherwise, it would not be fair to the children.  Adoption is about the children and what is best for them.  

That leads me to the next point.  You need to be honest.  If someone is entrusting you with her children, you absolutely owe the truth to those involved.

ETA:

If you do adopt children, and you are actively involved in a recovery program, you'll need to be honest with them about where you go every Wednesday and Saturday or whatever.  Recovery, as you know, is a lifetime process.  Therefore, it would not be wise to keep the truth from your adopted children.  I'm sure they will respect you for your strength.

That said, a couple of weeks back in recovery isn't long.  Concentrate on your sobriety.  It is paramount.

BTW, glad it was just a misspelling.  I just wanted to be certain I understood what issues you were stating you have going on.  Most people in early sobriety present as neurotic to some degree or another.

Answer 6

Who do you feel you need to tell?? The children you want to adopt??? Maybe in time. The agency that is helping you adopt?? Yes!!! Be honest with them. We all have pasts. It's best to be honest now than have it come back to haunt you later.