Adoptive Parents: Do you love your adopted child as much as a natural child?

Question

Honestly

Answer 1

My parents had a bio child. And I can honestly say they loved me just as much. In fact I actually was closer to them and had a better relationship with them then their bio child did.

Answer 2

Yes, I can honestly say I do.  However I spoiled her much more than my sons and she has a much stronger personality than they do so I have to handle her different than I did them.  However, I handled both of the boys different also.

Answer 3

It is very sad to see Anti Adoption extremists trying to use Greg Tooley's research on step parenting to suggest that adoption is dangerous. In fact, no in-tact adoptive families were included in the study which seeks to demonstrate that children who live in broken and reconstituted homes are in more physical dangers than children who live in in tact families or even with single mothers.

Children are not more likely to be abused if they are adopted and children in mixed biological/adopted families are not abused as a general norm.

The initial question presumes that only parents who have both biological and adopted  children will respond, but that does not seem to have been the case.

I'm close with several families formed through both reproduction and adoption and parents do not feel differently about the children based on their origin. But I do agree that it is important for parents to guard against potential rivalry or concern on the part of their children.

Answer 4

for the person who said that there is more abuse in an adopted family, then in biological families, you have got to be kidding me.  Just because the media makes it known about those cases more, that does not mean there is more abuse.  The ignorance of some people.    I was adopted and so were my 2 children, and i was loved, and so are my 2 children.  No wonder adoption is beginning to have a bad name, when questions like this and some of the answers here.

Answer 5

Geez, someone in here has such a s***w loose-- and it's not the questioner....

OFCOURSE I LOVE MY CHILD AS IF I GAVE BIRTH TO HIM!!!

Answer 6

Didn't know I could love anyone more than I love my son, even my wife.

Answer 7

For sure!

Answer 8

Absolutely.  I adopted my son at birth and I could never imagine loving another human being more.  (unless i adopted another one of course)

Answer 9

Yes.

Answer 10

YES!

Answer 11

Of course I do.  

Answer 12

To the answerers in general: I don't think it's possible that anyone can "prove" biological are more abusive than adoptive families, or that adoptive families are more abusive than biological ones. Anyone can locate a statistic that proves their point, and then anyone else in opposition can locate a statistic that goes against the point. It's pointless, really.

To the OP: I am not an adoptive parent, but speaking for my experience, I never though felt as though I was any different from my non-adopted sibling. I was treated a bit more special at times due to my slow motor and social development (I still have poor social development at times because of my first few months in an orphanage, but it's not as noticeable), but I was never treated as "less than" and I always felt like I was their daughter.

Answer 13

yep.

Answer 14

I adopted my son and I have no biological children, so I don't know how much I'd love a biological child. I do know this: I can't imagine loving a child more than I love my son.

Answer 15

Please excuse my answering as an adopted person rather than an adoptive parent.

As to my parents love of all their children (1 biological, 3 adopted) I will say this.

Did/do they love me "as much" as their natural child (my sister)? Yes.  Do they love me "the same"? No.

The way they love us and the 'conditions' upon which they love us are not the same.  We (the adopted children) had to 'fit'...we were in their lives on the 'trial basis' plan to begin with.  Apparently, we all 'passed' as none was ever returned/disrupted.  But, there was definitely a sense that we had to please them to be worthy of their love.  Not so with our sister, the child born to them.  She was the 'perfect' one in childhood and she is the ONLY one that has pleased them thoroughly in adulthood.

Argue/disagree if you wish or if you must.  This is my life and my truth whether anyone believes it or not.  Another person's opinion of my life and situation and the love if my parents is not relevant.

Answer 16

As a Nurse i have dealt with parents who had biological and adopted children and their love was absolutely equal.

Answer 17

We don't have natural children and are trying not to have any because we want to give our one and only one the best life ever.We wanted just one and are done. Even if we had one naturally we love our only  child with so much passion i feel afraid i might end up NOT loving our other natural child as much. IF we have one accidentaly

To the one that says "their is more abuse in adoptive families (Gaia rana) than natural. In one response you clearly said you have been badly abused by your unfit parents and are not an adoptee. You don't even have any source of that random comment you just passed" You sound like a troll because your answer DO NOT EVEN ADD UP !!

Answer 18

Absolutley, and probably a little more, because I was young, and didn't have the time with my oldest that I have now with my 11 month old adopted son.  Now, I have the luxury of more time, less financial strain, and I'm more mature, less stressed over the little things, and my priorities are better.

I've also had guardianship of kids in my home who I've loved as much as both of my own.  

Answer 19

Honestly - I didn't realize an adopted child was "un-natural."

I have two children, my older daughter - she was placed in my care by her first mother.  I love her as much as life itself.

My younger daughter, she was placed in my arms by my husband after her birth from my body.  I adore her as much as I love her sister.

Biology does not equal love.  Time, sacrifice, nurturing equals love.

And that is my honest truth.

Answer 20

YES.

Answer 21

Without a doubt

Answer 22

I'm an adoptive mom of 2 (China; domestic care) and I would do ANYTHING for my children to secure their happiness and their safety. It's almost impossible for me to explain the depth of my love for them. When I first became a mother, I was taken aback by the intensity; and when we adopted again I was terrified, because I couldn't imagine loving another child as much as I loved my daughter. I was wrong. No other mother, anywhere can ever convince me that they love their child more than I do.

ETA: As I do not have any biological children there are some people who will claim that I have no basis for comparison and while that used to bother me, I realize now that I feel sorry for them. Raising a child is the biggest leap of faith one can give to the world.

Answer 23

When I look into my daughters eyes I don't see blood.  I see Love!  They are daughters and I love them with all of my heart.  My kids are my world.  No matter how god gave them to me, he gave them to me to love.  I am their Mommy no matter what!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 24

Absolutely!  If you can't do that, you have no business adopting.  

When I felt overwhelmed after giving birth to my son, it was him I considered placing him for adoption, even though his sister was more work.  I wasn't able to adopt her, but I certainly loved her like my own.  It still cuts to the bone when I see her in a situation that I don't feel is the best for her.  (She no longer lives with me because I was NOT able to adopt for tricky legal reasons- long story.)

Answer 25

I don't have any natural children, but the two boys who are my sons through adoption, I love more than anything in this world. They were old enough to remember their parents and I struggle everyday helping them to understand why mom and dad weren't able to keep them. I'm hoping one day they will love me like I am their mom and will understand that their mom loves them too along with their adoptive mom.

Answer 26

You ask whether adoptive parents love their adopted children as much as natural children...That's kind of begging the question, isn't it?  Is any adoptive parent really going to come here and say "no!  I don't love my adopted child as much as the one I gave birth to!"  Of course not...

pardon me for interjecting, as i'm not an adoptive parent.  however, i feel as an adopted child i might add some insight to the question since it is framed in such a way that limits the value or depth of the feedback you'll get.

I would say that the definition of love varies, that adoption is a challenge that requires more than love, and that the way adoptive parents say they feel versus their actual practice may differ.

the biological children in my home were not abused - only this adopted child.  If you asked my parents your question, they would have said yes, yes. absolutely!  so how come i was abused and my biological siblings were not?

i talk with a lot of adopted and abused adults, and with the vast majority that have a mixture of adopted and biological children, the adopted kids are abused exclusively or more.

i talk with a lot of adopted adults that grew up in a mixture of adopted and biological children, and the adopted adults say they were treated different.  whether this is true or not, the perception is very real.  

there are no studies available addressing your question.  however, there is a study on child safety differences between biological and non-biological families which concluded that children are safer with their biological parents.  (see reference below)  it would be interesting to ask all of the parents in that study your question.  

hope i've lifted the rose colored glasses off of the typical answer to this question.  life is more complex than that.