Adoptive Parents - Has your family accepted your adopted child?

Question

Has your family accepted your child as a full member of the family? I am only interested in answers to THIS QUESTION from adoptive parents. I am not interested in rants.

Answer 1

While we haven't signed on the dotted line...yes they have accepted them much more (a h**l of a lot more) than they have my children from a previous marriage!

Answer 2

Oh yes......I am an only child which makes my daughter the only grandchild on my side of the family. My parents are actually very upset that we will not allow them to take dd to Italy in the Fall.

My mother-in-law has three other children and had five grandchildren before dd was born. She quickly took her place as the favored grandchild.

I have a second cousin my father's age and she lost her only child just before dd was born. Her and her husband have "adopted" dd as their grandchild.

Everyone in the family makes a fuss over her....and it is truly genuine. Heck I think they like her more then me....LOL

The hubby and I are truly blessed with wonderful accepting families.

Answer 3

Yes, 100% down to the last distant relative--those living and those who have gone on to be with the Lord.

Answer 4

I accepted my adoptive brothers, although they were there first.

Answer 5

I am an adoptive parent with a very large extended family.  My family has unquestioningly accepted my kids into their hearts.  They are treated exactly the same way as their cousins, and in no way feel slighted or neglected by anyone.

Answer 6

My son IS a full member of my family and was accepted even before he came into my family (when he was still in foster care).

Answer 7

My husband and I had tried for 7 years before having our own baby.  In those years, my sister had 2 kids and my husband's sister had 3.  We wanted a family so badly and before adopting 2 children (siblings) my family seemed very supportive.  They ranted and raved to people all the time like we were saints.  Looking back, I think some of the raving about us was a reflection of what loving and caring children they themselves had raised.  After a while the newness wore off and my mother actually told me that she felt bad for my sister's biological kids because now they had to share the attention.  My mother is very short tempered with me adopted kids and does way more stuff with my sister's kids.  It really makes me feel sad.  We had them as foster children before adopting and she said that if she knew that we were going to adopt then she would have tried to bond with them when they were younger (They were only 4 & 5 when we adopted them ).  

My mother-in-law always favored my husband's sister and her kids also seem to come first.  I think that is just because she likes her daughter more because she is a girl.  She doesn't spend much time with our biological son either.  She made a reference a few weeks ago that we should try again for a girl.  That made me realize how sexist she is.  It bothers me all the time because I was very close with my grandmother and I just assumed that all children were that close with their grandparents.  When I see that my kids don't have that, it really upsets me.  I wish things were better but I am learning to live with it and trying not to let it bother me.  But...it just isn't right!

My husband does have extended family that lives a few states away and they come up to visit us and we go down to visit them and the aunts and uncles are always bringing them gifts, hugging and kissing them and making of them more than my husband's sisters kids.  But we are also closer to that side of the family.  Those few days that we are together are awesome and give me the best feeling in the world!  I thank God for them because they help me keep my sanity and trust in people =)

Answer 8

I am not an adoptive parent, but I do have a brother that was adopted.  He has been accepted into the family just as if he was born into it.  We are not close to a ton of family, but any we have visited with treat him just as if he was a part of the family from birth.  Good luck!

Answer 9

Well to some extent.  And that goes for both sides.  I had two children prior to my marriage and he had one, after marriage we adopted eachother's children, as much as we love them all as our own I hear comments from his side and my side about how this one isn't REALLY related, or something along those lines.  His relatives forget my children's birthdays and my relatives forget his son's birthday.  It is very irritating!  We have told them that if they can't do for all three then they needn't do for for any.  The kids know we are a family and we hide our discouragement from them, so they are oblivious, that is all that matters I suppose.

Answer 10

Yes both sides of our families have welcomed and accepted our adopted children completely as a full member of the family.  They never really had a choice though.  It was love us all or lose us all.  We laid down that law from the beginning.

Answer 11

Yes, they have.  My daughter is the only grandchild  of my parents, and they are completely gaga over her.  I see a lot more of my parents now than I did before my daughter joined our family!   With them I actually had to kind of have them keep their distance more than they wanted at first so that we would have time to settle and bond as a family.  In my husband's family, she actually kind of has a special place for my father-in-law because she is 100% Asian (dh and family are Asian).  All of his other grandchildren are bi-racial.  And, to him, the more Asian, the better!  On my husband's side, she is completely accepted, but there is some glaring ignorance about adoption  - for instance, they assumed we wouldn't be telling her she's adopted (besides that being totally wrong, uh duh, her mother is white and she's Asian, huh?)  until she was 18.  I simply told them, uh, she already looks at pictures of her birthfamily, knows who they are, and will grow up knowing her adoption story in age appropriate terms.  I am always surprised when I visit adoption boards how common it is for extended family to be unsupportive and downright discriminatory because we haven't had to deal with it.  If I did face that situation, my family could decide to change their attitude in a hurry or not be involved in our lives.

Answer 12

My daughter is loved and accepted by all of my family members. Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Nieces, Nephews, etc. The fact that she was adopted into our family is completely transparent.

Answer 13

Absolutely yes!  Em is treated the exact same way as her cousins and she has made my mom and sister two of her favorite extended family members.

Answer 14

we are all very accepting of our neice who was adopted.

my mother seems a little standofish.  i noticed that she is much nicer to her brother which is my brothers birth son.

Answer 15

Yes, my family has accepted our children with open arms.  My children from adoption get the same birthday cards, Christmas presents and general involvement in extended family functions as my biological child and the other children in the extended family.

ETA: Thumbs down for sharing a positive story.  Are some people so invested in their own misery that they can't stand to hear that sometimes, things actually work out?

Answer 16

I know you didn't want to hear from anyone other adoptive parents but i'm going to cross the line and answer anyway -- i'm adopted and i KNOW that my parents' families fully accepted us without doubt.  I am still in contact with their families because they are my family too.

Answer 17

Yes! Whole-heartedly!  They love my little guy to pieces.  :-)