Adoptive Parents - When did you decide to adopt, how did you know it was time to look at adoption?

Question

I ask this question because I have always known I would adopt. Ever since I was alittle girl I just had an overwhelming pull to adoption. I would tell my friends that when I got older I planned to adopt 5 children, yes 5. That number has changed. I have 3 wonderful step-kids, and my husband and I adopted a wonderful little boy and if we are blessed again I would love to adopt one more child.

I ask because I had the desire to be a mom, the best mom I could be, but the desire wasn't for the child to be my biological child. We have never had fertility or went through treatments, we just haven't gotten pregnant, but I am not disappointed by that, because I have always had this pull toward adoption.

I ask because I wonder when most people have the realation that adoption is for them.

Answer 1

When we realized that we wanted to be parents, but we were found to have fertility problems.

Answer 2

well i havent adopted yet, the only child i have is a five year old boy from my husband's previous relationship. ive had a strong desire to be a parent as long as i could remember, and when i was seventeen i met someone who was in foster care. we were very good friends. she was seventeen and her parents rights had never been terminated, despite the fact that she would not be returned to them. her foster family loved her and wanted to adopt her, but couldnt. it was around that time that i knew i was meant to adopt. im married now ,and 23 years old. i cant wait for the day that we can have all our circumstances stable enough to bring a child into our family. i dont know whether i can have children by birth or not, and i really dont care. if i do, great, if not, ill be just as happy adopting children. ive done TONS of research on all different sorts of adoption. we're ready as soon as we can improve our financial situation.

Answer 3

For me, it wasn't something from childhood. I went on a mission's trip to Panama when I was sixteen (I'll be twenty-five in June) and saw the need to do something. Since I've returned, it's been on my mind. I donate money, sponsor children overseas, etc. I've wanted to adopt since I was sixteen, and now that I'm married (I don't have any infertility issues) and have a son ( a surprise pregnancy in our first year of marriage, in fact he was born on April Fool's day '05), we want to adopt children we're now in the process of finding an agency, and it's a very exciting and stressful time. We already plan to adopt more than one child after this first time, so I'm excited.

Answer 4

Hmm, well my story may be typical:

I was trying to have a child biologically, lots of fun, drugs, doctors appointments, invasive procedures etc. and one day my husband and I looked at each other and said "enough".  We decided to foster children, and we enjoyed it but found it hard to say goodbye (to some not all!).  We decided to take our fostering skills and adopt an older sibling group.

Answer 5

I thought about adoption a lot through the years.  I always wanted to parent a child who might otherwise not have parents (i.e. grow up in foster care or an orphanage).  I could never get into the idea of adopting an infant, because in my mind, the rich people can adopt them.  I could never be perfect enough to live up to the "perfect" white infant's needs...or, that's what society tells me anyway.  

I might have some infertility issues, but I don't know and don't care.  The only time I cared was when I thought adoption was expensive.  I guess you could say having biological children was a "second choice" for me, lol.  In order to adopt through any other channel besides foster care, I would have to somehow come up with somewhere near an entire years' pay.  

I knew that I wanted to adopt when I heard about foster care adoption.  I have a friend who adopted five children through foster care, and spent a weekend with her.  I learned a lot, and I've called her off and on to ask questions.  I came home, talked to my husband about it, and we spent the next couple years researching it.  We knew that we would eventually adopt, we just weren't ready yet.  

We started the process a little over two years ago.  When we started the process, we knew it wasn't quite "time" to have a family, but we knew that by the time we completed the process, we would be ready.  We've been ready for a year and a half now, but I am SO glad that we've had this time to learn more about adoption from the adoptee's perspective.  I don't think we would have been very good adoptive parents if we hadn't had this time to learn.

Answer 6

I always wanted to be a foster parent, ever since I was little. My husband and I didn't have children yet, weren't ready to go ahead with having a baby.  I asked him if we could be foster parents in the meantime, because I thought I could handle school age children or doing respite care.  When we took the classes, my husband changed his mind and decided that he'd like to adopt instead.

We had a heck of a time with our local DCF office.  Back then my state had the second worst record in the country for placing children for adoption. I don't blame them, they wanted reunification. We finally decided to adopt  three older siblings from overseas.

Answer 7

The closest thing to love i had growing up was my Aunt Pat.  She was an adoptive mom thru foster care.  I saw how much she loved her children.  She was an amazing mother.  I wanted to be just like her.  After watching her slow death with cancer, i helped raise her youngest three kids.  They were and are angels on this earth!  I'm soooo proud to be related to them.  I'm  sooo happy they are and were a part of my life.  (the youngest died in a car accident two years ago)

Because of this experience, adoption was well, kinda normal to me.  On my Aunts death bed she made me promise i wouldn't do foster care adoption.  She said it was so hard and took all her strength.  I hope now it was just the drugs talking.  (To her credit, she only took the most damaged children, the children that no one would take)  I wish she would have lived long enough to see the wonderful results she made with these children.

When we were told we couldn't have children, and we were ready for them, we both just looked at each other and said lets adopt!  My husband said if our kids turn out half as well as your cousins, we'll be more blessed than most the people in this world.  (Hubby was there thru the death and helping raise the younger children too) Adoption was no second choice for us, just a natural choice due to life experiences.

Answer 8

I also had always been interested in adoption. When I was young I didn't always want to have children.

Finding the right partner in life was how I knew.

I told my husband that when we were older I would like to foster/adopt older children.

We decided that we would adopt sooner rather than latter.

We started looking at adoption before we were married. We pursued it a few years into our marriage when we were ready to add children to our family.

Answer 9

I have always wanted to adopt as well. I had planned on having 2 biological children and then adopting at least one.  Unfortunately after many unsuccessful infertility treatments and a few miscarriages I was not able to have a biological child. So naturally I went for adoption.

I could not be happier. We now have a wonderful son that we adopted from birth over 3 years ago.  We are now on the list to adopt again.

I can say, I never really felt the desire to be pregnant, just wanted kids. So now I am happy to not have stretch marks. lol!

Answer 10

My husband and I took a long path to adoption. We found out about our infertility very early in our marriage. We knew that IF treatments were not an option for us - I had seen it destroy marriages of two people I am close to. There are a lot of other reasons that we couldn't and didn't pursue treatment.  We spoke about adoption years and years ago, but neither of us felt that "call" and the one thing we did know is that if either one of us wasn't 100% about adopting, we shouldn't do it. So .... we spent years just being a childless couple, assuming we would never be parents. We travelled, we pursued our hobbies, strengthening our relationship - we spent most of our time with our nieces and nephews. In short, we focused a lot of energy on being okay with not having kids. We both got to a point where we knew we were okay with a child - we knew we could be complete people, didn't need a child to complete us.

The funny thing is, as soon as we got to that point - I started casually researching adoption.  It was the very fact that we were happy, and felt blessed in our life and our family and our relationship - that's what we want to offer to a child. I didn't discuss it with my husband, I was trying to figure things out in my own head before I brought it up. A few months into my research, we were sitting in our backyard one evening - and he turned to me and said "I'd like to talk about adopting."  We had both "come to it" separately, but at the same time.  And we just knew this is what we were supposed to do.  

I think that having had those years of just "being" - without the constant treatments, the never-ending pursuit of a pregnancy - it was the best thing for us.  I think it also gave us time to recognize that adoption isn't about us "getting a baby" - it's about us giving ourselves 100% to a child.  We don't have the fantasy in our minds, but we're still excited.  We do have the desire to be parents, and feel pretty secure in the fact that adoption isn't our second choice - we're going into it with eyes wide open.

I couldn't imagine going through this process, doing any of this, without him - and particularly without him being on board 110%.

Answer 11

You will NEVER feel completely ready. Take each step with optimism and faith. Its a journey for you to develop self confidence. Start with lots of research - http://www.adoptive-parenting.com

Then go to support groups on (there are LOTS on yahoo) once you have decided on the course you want to take (domestic, international, foster adopt). They will be there for you through ups and downs. There are plenty of those.JUST REMEMBER THE REWARDS ARE GREAT!!!

I always wanted to adopt too! I was adopted. Unlikely we will conceive again.

When my only birth child (a miracle in fact) began telling everyone that she was going to be a big sister. (And I wasn't pregnant...) We knew she was ready to be a big sister.

It took only six months after that for us to have all our paperwork in and within 9 months we had three new children in our family. Yep, she's a big sister three times over.

Answer 12

I always wanted to be a mom too... I had my older kids biologically when I was pretty young...and then my husband and I adopted special needs siblings from the foster care system.

I always wanted to adopt and always wanted to have several kids.... I just spread them out real far.... My decision to adopt came when I was young too I grew up around a lot of foster children and adoption was common in my family.

Answer 13

Like most of the other responders, adoption was always in our minds, as a couple.  Our thought was to have a couple of biological children then adopt  a bit later in life.

A struggle with secondary infertility changed our plans, of course.  A good friend of ours, an adult international adoptee who was working for an international adoption agency started us thinking about adoption from overseas.  

An article in Adoptive Families magazine about African adoptions got me thinking about adopting from Africa.  I had read the article years before we started the process, even before we had been diagnosed with secondary infertility.  

After we went the infertility treatment route, we said "enough" and after taking some time to deal with those roller coaster emotions, I found that article I'd saved years before and brought it out again.

Answer 14

I always knew I wanted to be a Mom either though having children or adoption.  I knew early on that adoption would probably be the best for me but I did some infertility treatments while my husband got use to the adoption idea

Answer 15

I have always wanted to adopt- ever since I can remember.  I never had a burning desire to be pregnant.  

I knew it was time, when everything in my life fell into place and I was ready for the committment of being a Mom (a single adoptive Mom at that).