Adoptive parents, do you wish you had been adopted too?

Question

I have heard many adoptive parents say two things:

1) A parent feels the same about an adopted or biological child

2) Giving a child to an infertile couple is a responsible and loving act

If it doesn’t matter who raises a child and if giving a child to an infertile couple is a loving act, then it seems selfish for a parent to keep a child when others need and can’t have one. Knowing what you know now, would you have preferred that your parents gave you to someone else? Think about it. That act would have made two people very happy and your original parents would have been no worse off, because they could still have another child.

I am NOT trying to prove a point. I want to understand how you feel about the idea of living as an adopted child, knowing that your parents gave you away because they believed and lived the values of #1 and #2.

Adoptees, please do not respond. This question is for adoptive parents. Adoptees who adopted please wait until others think it over.

Answer 1

I was adopted at 5 yrs old. I had a very bad child hood and no I'm not going to go in to the details but now my husband and I are trying to adopt a baby our own selves. And he has 3 grand kid that he has already adopted so we have been on both ens of the spectrum.

Answer 2

I do. My kid has so much more than I had as a kid.

Answer 3

Im not adopted but i know people who are & still dont know.. i think that there is so many mothers out there who are not ready to bring up a child so why not put it up for adoption? why give away a child that can be perfectly looked after by it's real parents?

anyways when the kid grows up it will want to find answers & real biological families. imagine being that kid?

kid: mum why did you give me away?

mum: because i thought that someone else could look after you who couldnt have kids

Kid:  but you could have looked after me?

POINTLESS, unless you know the person then it's different!

how do u know the kid isnt going to some rapist?

Answer 4

I don't wish that MY parents had given me up for adoption.  However, if I had been born to someone who didn't really want to parent, or worse, were the stereotypical birth parents we hear of, then yes, I probably would've wished I had been adopted.

Answer 5

Actually, yes I did. That's one of the main reasons why I adopted.

Answer 6

First to answer your question, no. But aren't you comparing apples and oranges? I WAS raised by my biological parents so I have memories and such (apples). An adopted child was not raised by their birth parents (oranges). I am not saying there isn't feelings of loss and curiosity.

#2 I am trying to decide if I am very angry with you. I am mother to 4 children, 1 of which is adopted. I DO feel the same toward all of them. I am fiercely protective, terribly affectionate, and sentimental to a fault. I have studied adoption for long, long hours and follow the advice. I don't think my daughter feels any different and may even feel more spoiled since she is the "baby". The only difference I feel is an increased responsibiltiy to help her with being adopted and her racial heritage.  Also, I think the birth mother to my child thought it was a loving and responsible act FOR THE CHILD. I think that is the motivation most birth mothers have.

Answer 7

Of course I don't wish I was adopted.  People don't wish to be orphaned and endure the loss of their first parents.  I don't accept your premise that it doesn't matter who raises a child.  Adoption should happen out of a genuine need of a child for a family.  It should not be about providing parents with children, although it does.

Answer 8

No. I love my parents (biological or not) and wouldn't trade them for the world. But I agree that adoption is a very kind, and selfless act.

Answer 9

I do not wish my parents gave me up for adoption.  They were quite capable of providing me with my needs...ie: Food, shelter, emotional and physical support...life lessons.  

However....my son's birthmother, being a 19 year old girl with no support from her parents or anyone who could help her emotionally.....gave us our son because she could not support him emotionally.  That is an important factor in raising children...much more than any physical support you give a child, meaning financial!  

It's difficult raising children in the best situations.  When you add immaturity (no fault of her own!), so familial support it becomes much, much worse.

It becomes a "loving act" as you put it when the birthparents choose to give life to the child rather than abort...when they know their circumstance does not support them keeping the child to raise on their own.

It could also become a "loving act" when they do choose to abort...because giving a child over to the care of someone else takes a stamina that not many people posess!!