Adoptive parents: Do you feel that you are being heard here?

Question

I see this question being asked often of adoptees, but I've never seen it asked for adoptive parents. Do you feel like you can share your experiences, positive or negative, without being attacked for simply being an adoptive parent?

Answer 1

I think it's pretty much an even playing field here.  I seem to notice that there is just as much PAPs/AP's complaining about not being heard or getting negative responses as Adoptees and vice versa.

I think what we have is two very different opinions who will probably never agree but for some reason want desperately to be understood by the other.  Since that is never going to happen, people get frustrated and that leads to hostility.

It's almost t*t for tat here isnt it.  Both an adoptee and A/P have asked the exact same question.

Answer 2

I hardly ever comment on adoption any more. I occasionally look to see what is going on. But no. I don't feel like any AP or PAP is taken seriously. I think it is sad. Although I understand for the need to vent. I don't like the attacking that goes on here.

Answer 3

Not at all.  For instance I answered a few questions about how my adoption experience was or if the my adoptive child was normal and happy.   I had a great experience, and my 3 year old is happy as ever.  I got criticized for both answers.  Especially the last one.  I received a private email about - how dare you answer a question and say your 3 year old is happy. Come back when your kid is 16 and angry.   Its pretty sad that people can't understand that not all adoption stories are bad ones.  Besides, aren't all teenagers angry about something? lol!

Answer 4

As a PAP, no I do not. None whatsoever. Yes, I may have made an inappropriate statement or two in the recent past, not unlike anybody else, but now nothing I say can be taken seriously. I always get smartass answers or comments. I once apologized & only ONE person ever apologized back to me...that means only ONE person acknowledged that they were in the wrong as well as I. I feel a lot of people here feel like they deserve something or feel that people owe them something. I mean adoptees, birthmothers, APs & PAPs. I just don't say anything anymore, but I still read as I still want to learn about all aspects of adoption. Oh well...what can you do, right?

Answer 5

Not an AP yet, but hopeful. But I am a step parent adoptee and even there I do not feel as if I am heard. As a PAP I would like to say that No, I do not feel I can talk, share, or ask important questions here. I have had to go elsewhere for that, but I do enjoy coming here and I have learned a few things.

Answer 6

No not really..........I suppose by some but there is a lot of negative feelings about adoption in this section.  I wish we could all agree that there are good stories and bad.

Answer 7

Nope, we are the ones that are often blamed by others because they can.  But, oh well, that's life.

I don't remember who said it, but there are three stories to every adoption - that was an great point.  Each member will have pain at one time or another.  But, all three members should be heard and learned from, we all have something to offer, good or bad.  Not every adoption is wonderful, and not every one is terrible.  We do have our own experiences all of us though, and each as valid as the next.

(Anyone want to start our own avatar costume clique?  I was thinking about a suit of armor, but don't want to have to lug that around on my avatar all day!  LOL  Other ideas any one of the AP/PAP's out there?)

Answer 8

Well, no I decided ages ago this was not a place where AP can safely put their opinion out without attack, but then again I don't think anyone is safe from attack on this site.  

Have I leard though, absolutely yes.  Do I agree with all adult adoptees, well no, they have the right to their feelings, as do I about certain topics.  Their experiences should not be negated due to their experience and nor should mine.

So, nope not really being "heard" but have some fun on here at times, and obviously keep coming back.

Answer 9

No.  I feel challenged at every level.

Answer 10

Nope.... I see a lot of children demanding to be respected...and then wondering why we just act like parents.