Adoptive parents?

Question

are you sad for you when the birthmother changes her mind, or are you happy for HER?

Answer 1

Oh thats so easy to answer even if you arent a adoptive parent, from reading all the responses on here they are of course SAD

SAD For themselves

They could never actually see that it was BEST For the Mummy and Baby!

Answer 2

Asking anyone to NOT be sad at losing the child they had prayed for, hoped for, gone through MILES of red tape for would be incredibly foolish and heartless.. of course I'd be sad..if I wasn't it would be because I didn't love the child.. would you want anyone to even TRY to adopt a child without loving it?? HUH????

BUT, as long as the bmom was "fit to be a mother" and the child would be in no danger by being with it's bfamily, then I would runderstand that it is better for the child to be with it's original mom.. I'd be happy that the mom had the courage and strength to make a go at it.. I'd be happy for both of them.

But to expect that I'd not be heartbroken would be requiring me to have no heart.. I'm glad I'm not a robot.. A robot wouldn't make a very good mother..

Answer 3

I HAVE AN ADOPTED DAUGHTER AND I HAVE ALWAYS TOLD HER IF SHE TRACKED DOWN HER BIRTH MOTHER  NOT TO EVER TELL ME AS I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT. (SHE WAS ABANDONED BY THE WAY)

IF I WAS IN THE POSITION OF ADOPTING AGAIN AND THE MOTHER BACKED OUT I WOULD BE COMPLETELY DEVASTATED.

Answer 4

As an adoptive parent .. I think I would be devastated .. but I would try to find it in my heart to be happy for her.

Answer 5

I know I'll be shot for saying this, but there were times before he was born that I prayed that his mom would be able to care for him and would. Not because I didn't want him (I did very much) but because of the total life altering decision that she had to make. I remember her face when she saw him the first time. It was heartbreaking. But I know he is where he needs to be, and thats what matters. You know it never really felt real, until he came home and was settled in. I knew at any time thing could change. I was prepared for that.

Sunny posted a link to a story of a mother who decided to parent after attempting to nurse and it worked. I felt so happy for her. I sobbed for the whole thing, it took an hour to read it all.

Answer 6

Oh honey, I am sad but understand. My Mum was adopted and never knew her Mum and Dad but those that loved her are always to be the true parents. Always give it up if they can not recognize you and always remember that parents can pass on and leave you anyway. Be Strong! I think your question was hypothetical.

Answer 7

all through the process i kept reminding myself that this was not my child.  and tried to prepare myself if mom decided she wanted to parent and not place.  

of course it would be devastating to me.  but then again how could i not be happy for mom.  my daughter is such a beautiful and wonderful child.  i couldn't fault anyone for not wanting to be with her.

Answer 8

I was glad for them and happy that they had made a decision.  Now they could move on with their lives and she could feel happy about her baby.  I know adoption isn't for everyone and i would not want a baby, if the first mother could not live with this decision.  

There was some disappointment like when you are trying to get pregnant and you get a negative test result.  It was short lived.    

The only time i felt sadness was with the baby who was in our home for a month.  She was hard to let go of.  I knew her mother was in turmoil and that she might change her mind.  I gave her all of our baby stuff and wrote her a note.  I told her we would be okay.  I knew how hard she tried but adoption is not for everyone.  Enjoy your daughter she is precious.

Its really a roller coaster of emotions but i'm a pretty practical woman.

Answer 9

Why can't we be both?

Answer 10

At the time of rejection for an AP, all you feel is utter devastation................it is not until you can reflect on the situation rationally, that you feel love and happiness for the birth family.

Answer 11

Happy for her and for her baby.  And sad for the paps.

This happened with my cousin when she got pregnant at fifteen. Her parents offered to help her, but her boyfriend's family pressured her to relinquish. She changed her mind in the delivery room.  By the time I was thinking of adopting, my cousin had been married to that boyfriend for ten years and they had two more children.

Because of that, I couldn't bring myself to try to adopt an infant. I kept thinking of my cousin. It wasn't even that the mom might change her mind. It was that the adoption would be finalized and through the years (open adoption) my child and I would see that...  they could've stayed with their mom and it would've been all right.  I worried I'd feel like a thief - and that my child would view me as one.