Adoptive parents...?

Question

why don't adoptees ever share the known facts that many adoptions end with a happy ending and not all adoptions are bad? Adoptive parents...has the child or children you adopted become hostile towards you....I see often birthmothers come here looking for sound advice...and get slammed with judgement by the Adoptee Clicks...I also notice that if you ask a question..but then place you're own opinion..adoptees shout a report saying it's ranting,venting etc if you're not on their Team...why? Isn't everyone here Entitled to an opinion

Answer 1

Don't you think this question is baiting and contributing to the "us vs. them" environment?

Answer 2

I can understand that you love your children and it hurts your heart when someone trashes adoption.  With that being said, we have to keep in mind that there are three sides to the triangle.  We are the only ones who get the complete warm fuzzy side with no real negatives.  Our children will feel loss.  Birth parents definately feel loss.  There are extremes on all three sides.

Instead of getting defensive, which i agree is hard to do when you think of your sweet child thru adoption, Listen.  What has really helped me is to picture the Adoptees on this site as your child.  (no offense guys!) Not to be insulting, i'm trying to say in 20yrs this could be how your child feels.  So now when an a-parent says something like you're so lucky to be adopted.  You can say "oh no you did not just say that to my child!"  Reality is in 20yrs someone is going to say this c**p to your child.  I really hope i'm explaining myself right.

I have a lot of respect for all of the Adoptees here.  These souls keep beating their heads against walls hoping someone will get it.  I feel most of the adoptees here are trying to lookout for future adoptees.   Time after time a new a-parent comes on here saying adoption is wonderful and i imagine they must say here we go again!  So sure out of frustration, someone might lose their temper.  We all do we are human.

Remember Adoptees whole life IS adoption.  So we should respect their feelings.  

You do have a right to your own opinion, if you do it in a caring, respectful and educational way.  (remember treat adoptees like you would want others to treat your adopted child)  

This is just my opinion on this.  I'm not a knowitall trust me i have along way to go and so much more to learn.  I'm not better than anyone else here.  I am so thankful for Adoptees here for being patient and understanding.  Trust me a lot of things go over my head and i'm not the sharpest tool in the drawer, i just really want to learn so that i can be there to support my children in the best possible way.

I don't know about clicks.  I think we are all at different levels of learning and we tend to stick with those who think like us.

I hope i've explained myself clearly.

Answer 3

welcome to yahoo answers and the cliques.

i am one of those adoptees that is fine with adoption and the process as it is.

and yes, i've been reported many many times for voicing my opinion as well.

i would suggest taking these opinions with a grain of salt or entertainment at best.  If you're looking for advice, i would seek a different venue.  here, you'll get one side . . .

Answer 4

Certainly everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion.  Of course, not everyone is going to agree with everyone else.  I, like most people, will  stand up for the courage of my convictions.  I am adopted and loved my amom very much.  She has passed away.  I am not happy with many of the practices and laws in U.S. adoption, however.  I want to see adoption improved to better serve those whom adoption is supposed to serve.  That doesn't make me anti-adoption.  If I were against adoption I wouldn't want to make it better, I'd want to eliminate it.  But, I do know that adoption is needed when children don't have legal families.

As far as "adoption experiences," (whatever that's supposed to mean) just like non-adopted persons, adopted persons come from a wide variety of familial backgrounds.  Some of these are good and some not so good.  Some were downright lousy.  Good and bad parents come in all varieties -- adoptive and biological.   Whether or not someone had good adoptive parents has nothing to do with wanting to improve practices and change laws.

So, none of this is about "happy endings" adopted persons becoming "hostile" towards their parents that adopted them or adoption being "good" or "bad."

But, no matter if someone agrees with what I say here, it is not appropriate to become hostile, volatile and engage in name-calling if one doesn't like my opinion or anyone else's  opinion.

Answer 5

I can't speak for adoptees, because I am not one.  My son is still too young to fully understand the magnitude of what his adoption means so I also cannot speak towards the "hostility" question you asked.  

Everyone is entitled to express their own opinion and experience.  I get frustrated when people cannot be respectful towards each other.  It is one of the reasons I have limited myself in the types of questions that I answer now.  I'm tired of getting beat up for having a positive story to share.  I'm tired of being called a "baby stealer" simply because I "answer" a question for a PAP who wants to learn more about how to adopt.  I have learned things here that will help me to be a better parent to my son, and I have also learned that there are some people here who are just determined to be nasty and attack APs any chance they get.  

As I have said before and will continue to say - every adoption is as unique as the people's faces who are involved.  We can learn something from each story if we take time to listen.

Answer 6

Many of the adoptees here speak only of their own truth regarding their own adoption.

They don't lie - they just tell it as they have lived it.

So - there are those that have good things to say about it - and there are those that have bad things to say about it.

And there are those that have many mixed feelings about it - as really - it's not a good/bad thing - it's everything in between.

So why did you fly off the handle and say this to me yesterday -

"oh yes..Possum..I want to learn from you..oh pls teach me old wise one...you're one of the bitter ones...I don't want to learn from anyone who holds the anger you have...or in your case...only your opinion matters..otherwise you have the attitude that you're so much better..and only your words deserve to be heard..because you were an adoptee..get over yourself...and hears to you accusing this of being a rant..I did ask a question..maybe you failed to see it..so before you hit the report button..let me say this..KISS MY A*S!!!! Now click away

oh yea..and stop trying to be the ALPHA DOG...you know..leader of the pack..I don't chose to befriend someone like you that doesn't know the meaning of respect...you have issues...seek help

see Possum..learn from Heather...so nice in her response..and learn from the others as well....very polite...that's a thing called respect...agreed...ty"

WOW - and you say I have anger!!!

ETA: I added this purely as you really have NO idea who I am - and it is you who has written such horrible things directly about me - that are completely untrue.

I'm happy to back off if you stop being so rude.

I have NEVER said a bad thing about YOU.

NEVER.

ETA2: Happy to add my response to your other question about rants that you refer to -

"And your question is not a rant then???

Listen carefully to the dialogue taking place - and you may actually learn something.

You state that you're 'always open to new ideas' - but your question tells me you're not.

Sad really.

I hope you'll stick around and learn.

You say 'you're frustrated by the anger'.

I say 'I'm frustrated with the lack of truth being spoken of about adoption.'

This is not a support forum - there's oodles of them elsewhere on the internet - and I'd be happy to give you links to those if you need them.

This is a Q & A format - and adoption is a hot and feisty topic.

It's going to get steamy. Everyone is intent on having their own opinions heard.

I doubt it's going to change any time soon.

But a hint - coming in new and calling people names like 'bitter' and 'angry' - won't make you many friends.

And it's certainly not showing anyone respect.

If you want respect - you have to show it in return."

You came in here waving a bat around the room.

I answered accordingly.

Whatever.

You want me to be the bad guy? - fine.

I hope you enjoy yourself.

Answer 7

I am adoped and they do have clans and they do ask you thought ? and it get hard on most of them and adoptees do have a group. And I see your ask about brithmoms They do look on the net for there kids that is how I found mine

~I hope that work for ya~

Answer 8

I am thrilled to have been adopted. I am happy with my parents, and feel that my life is exactly as I would hope it to be. I have also met my mother, and we have an open and supportive relationship. She gets along well with my parents and the rest of my family, so I would say I wouldn't change a thing.

Answer 9

I do share that my adoption story is a happy one-  I am adopted and have 2 adopted children as well- and we have very positive stories about our adoptions- I have shared this many times, and many times get knocked down because of it- I am very for the ones that did not have a happy adoption story- but I would never criticize them because they did not share the same experience as I have.

Answer 10

Everyone is entitled to their opinion.

But I see a lot of BS going on on YA and a lot of absolute rubbish, I see a lot of trolling just to wind people up as well.

I had a wonderful adoptive upbring with 2 wonderful adoptive parents one of who is now deceased and I was so devestated I dropped 5 dress sizes .

But it does NOT diminish the fact that I have been robbed of a sister and a mega huge family that my Mother  (who gave birth to me) decided to cut me off from and that my sister and I have completely missed growing up with each other on the other side of the world to each other.

I was a lucky one that got given to wonderful AP's there are many who were not lucky......

You cant judge until you've walked in another's shoes...

Answer 11

Everyone is entitled to their opinion.  But that doesn't make all opinions equal.  Some opinions are really bad.  (Non-adoption example: the opinions of racists.  They're entitled to their opinions, but I'm still going to shoot them down every chance I get.)

The only "ending" possible is one of death.  If the people involved in adoption haven't died, then it isn't over, and there isn't a guaranteed "happy ending."

If original parents and adoptive parents aren't aware that adoption involves loss, then how can they make an informed decision?  

Adoptees ARE adoption.  If people really care about adoption, they better care what adoptees think.  That is the most important experience.  If we aren't interested in the best interests of the child, then adoption is just selling human beings.

ETA:  No one DESERVES to be a parent.  That's insane.  Being a parent is not a right, it's a privilege.  If adoption is "good in most cases," then perhaps we SHOULD be taking babies from parents and giving them to other people.  I mean, let's take babies from all natural parents.  More adoptions all around.  Is that what you are for?  That's what you sound like.

From what I've seen, you seem pretty set on shutting up anyone who disagrees with you.  I think it's time you start practicing what you preach.

Answer 12

Have a star.. wonderfully put.

Did you get my message.. did you see what I said about thumbs? watch it. Watch what happens within an hour..