Adult Adoptees: Have you been reunited with your (bio)family and would you do it again?

Question

Thanks for the anwsers! I can not believe that anyone had the nerve to give thumbs down on such personal experiences! I would do it again too! Not that it was pretty, but it really gave me a lot of insight on who I am.

Answer 1

Yes, not a doubt in my mind yes. And its not because we have this fairytale reunion, because we don't. I've gone years at a time without even speaking to them, but I'd never change knowing them. Its been rough at times, definitely a rollercoaster ride as someone above me said. Instead of wishing I didn't know them at all though, I wish I had known them sooner. I met them when I was 18 and by then it was difficult to put the pieces back together and act as if we'd never been separated. We'd lost our "fluency" as I call it. You know how when a child is little and fluent in one language, but is then adopted by a family who speak a different language the child will lose fluency in the first language? The longer they go without their native language, the more its lost and the harder it will be to relearn it? Thats how I describe being separated from your original family. You begin to lose that family and its so much harder to regain it later. Sure you can try learning it again when you're older, but it'll be hard work and you probably won't ever have a natural fluency again. Instead of wishing you didn't know the first language at all though, you just wish you'd never forgotten it, that it'd always been natural and easy like when you were little. I can tell you that nothing in those 18 years without her ever filled the hole that my mother left. She was the only person, well, she and my siblings, that could fill that void. I tried to fill it with friends, boyfriends, religion, alcohol, hobbies, etc and it was still just a void. When I met them the hole was filled up. I could never go back to the empty space, never. I don't care that she's not the mother I picture and that she doesn't love me like I wished she would. She is my mother and she was irreplaceable.

Answer 2

Of course.

I don't understand adoptees who claim to have no need of knowing their origins, their history, their identity.

Answer 3

My reunion is in the infancy days.

It's been a bloody hard road.

But YES - I would do it again in a flash.

To finally find out the answers to the questions I have held my entire life - has been absolutely priceless!!

If I had lived being able to know all this information from birth - and being able to have some kind of open relationship with my bio fam - I'm sure I would have been a much more settled person - without so much secrets, lies and confusion in my life.

Answer 4

In a heartbeat.

Searching at 22 was the best gift I ever gave myself.

The truth truly sets you free.

Answer 5

of course i would.

Answer 6

Honestly?  Maybe.

My reunion caused so much upheaval in the lives of my families that I think I would do  it again, but that I would wait a few years longer, if I had it to do over.   If I had waited until all of my half siblings were 18, they'd all have known, and it would have caused less upheaval in their lives.

My parents didn't speak to me for months after I told them I'd found my birthmother.  It hurt them very badly.  They didn't understand that it had nothing to do with them or how they raised me.  If I had it to do over, I might wait until they had passed away.

On the other hand, for my immediate family, the timing was good. My son wasn't a year old yet, he doesn't remember a time when grandma and his aunts, uncles and cousins weren't in his life.

Now if I could only get his birthmom's family to accept that his is part of their family too.......

I haven't found my birthfather yet, but truthfully, I haven't tried very hard to find him.  I have enough confusion in my life, without adding to the mix at this point.

added:

I have felt all the things that queryweary said in the last post.  But I also have to deal with the hurt feelings at holidays when we choose who to spend them with, the accusations of disloyalty when I want to discuss my feelings, or the insinuations that I can close that part of my life and move on whenever the subject of adoption (mine or my son's) comes up.  It's HARD.  It hurts.  And even though I didn't have a choice about being adopted in the first place, I'm made to feel as if all the hurt feelings are my fault.

So... Maybe.

Answer 7

Would I do it again?  YES, YES, YES.  Never in my life before meeting my original  parents did I feel so understood.  So right.  So much belonging.  

I have had, and still do have loving aparents who have given me everything that any person needs.  They have supported me financially, emotionally, psychically.  

But, when I met my original parents I saw who I look like,  where my interests and personality comes from.  Where I get my style and way of perceiving the world from.  I look like my father and talk just like my mother.  It's so intense as an adult to look in the face of and to listen to others who are so like me, when I've never had that before.

Those who aren't adopted can have no idea what it means to me to finally see these others who are where I come from and get my characteristics from.  It's like finding your fundamental self.  The 'you' that who is truly you.  I don't know how else to express it.  It is just the sense of belonging and understanding where you come from. It makes sense....far more than any sense than I have ever known.

I don't feel so crazy or strange.   I belong.  I am OK.  I have roots.  These are my people.  I'm not a weirdo.  I  come from somewhere that has meaning in a greater context.

YES, I would definitely find my original family again, and again, and again.   They are who I am.

Answer 8

I have met my birthmom and I am in the process of looking for my birthfather.

Answer 9

Yes, I am reunited with pretty much my entire natural family. I would not have it any other way.

Answer 10

i met my birthmother 8 years ago and i just found my birthfather a couple of months ago. i would absolutely do it again. it was a fantastic experience and i love them both dearly. they are wonderful and loving people and i cant possiblely imagine my life without them.

i can only hope for everyone to have a happy ending to their search. i know this isnt the case, but i wish it could be

Answer 11

I would've preferred to visit the museum and library of my abandoning family long after they all died rather than having to meet them, unaware that IT'S TOO LATE! Being abandoned changed me in horrible ways that prevent me from ever re-joining my birth family in any meaningful way. It's like time travel, once you go back and make a change a whole new time line splits off in a new direction. When they left me we were one, but 20 years later there's nothing there for me except a cultural identity and genetic history. Like your high school girlfriend who promised you the world and then broke up with you over the summer, the only reason to look for her is in hope she had a S****y life without you. And if you're mature enough not to care about that there's nothing.

I just want to hear the true and unabashed story from both parents, what they felt, why they did it, hopes, dreams, regrets, etc. To receive my deserved inheritance of cash and family heirlooms. And to stay away from them because they're just awful, stupid people who have nothing to offer me.

Answer 12

I have been reunited with my first mom and her sons (my brothers).  I have yet to find my first father or the rest of that side of my family.

I would do it again in a heartbeat.  Meeting my first mom has been very helpful for me.  I won't say it hasn't been a rollercoaster ride.  Nor will I say that there haven't been any confusing moments or mixed emotions.  But none of that detracts from the peace of mind that comes from having some of those questions answered.  Perhaps it helped that I had very few expectations going into my reunion.  That allowed me to accept whatever I found.  

The point of my reunion wasn't to find a replacement for the family I grew up with.  And it wasn't to solve all my problems.  But it has given me a semblance of peace with respect to some of my questions.  Issues still remain, but not reuniting would not solve those issues.  There would just be more of them.