Adults/ parents: PLEASE READ! What do I say to my childs Grandparents?

Question

They're her father's parents- I have raised my daughter alone her entire life because her father never had anything to do with her (I had her at a very young & naive age)- he died in a car accident as a result of his reckless lifestyle- just to give you some background... I personally dont care for the character of most in their family but I facilitate their interaction w/ my daughter because their son died...

anyway, I decided to put my daughter in private middle school & told her grandparents a month ago & they agreed to pay for her tuition. It was due on Aug 1st & they called w/ some excuse, then another, then another and even told me , "oh, just write a check it will be there-" well, I didnt because I dont ever do that unless the funds are IN my acct- so, basically if I had the check would have bounced, been returned to the school, and they may have bumped my daughter off the roster to open it to a child on the wait list- which didnt happen because I went in there & started a pmt plan & made the 1st pmt. (this does create a strain for me on top of all her extras but I WILL find a way to make it work as usual) Anyway, her grandparents wont even anwser the phone! Its like total lack of care or accountability for the disaster they could have just created if I had no other resource! Seriously- what do I even SAY the next time I ever talk to them again!?

(btw, they're always going on about what devout Christians they are- what a joke)

Answer 1

Get a grip.  For all you say it doesn't bother you that they didn't pay you sure did want to complain about it here.  The pity party gets old when public education is free to everyone.  If you've chosen other options then quit playing the martyr about having to make arrangements to pay for them.

Answer 2

i myself would explain to them the circumstances they could have and indeed put you and your daughter in ... i would let them know that if anything like this happens again in the future that you will have to rethink their involvement in your daughters life. because you want to teach your daughter accountability and responsibility and you do not want to appear as a hypocrite to your daughter. i would also mention your disappointment in their behavior considering the fact that they profess to be devout christians which makes your disappointment that much more painful and aggravating. you feel they owe you an apology and remind them apologizing means it will not ever happen again. i would also ask them why they decided not to pay her tuition, you deserve to know their reason. i would remind them their involvement in your daughters life is a privilege which should not be taken for granted. there will come a day when you will no longer be able to decide who has an effect on your child but for now it is up to you to decern who sets examples for her. and in the future if they cannot meet an obligation for which they gave their word you would appreciate and expect a timely phone call reason and apology and as long as those things are met you'll have no problems with them having time with their grandaughter. hope this helps. gd lk

Answer 3

just  tell  them

Answer 4

They may not have the money. Just call them, be nice and ask when they are going to send the money because you need it to pay the tuition. If they aren't going to pay, and you can't pay, then she will need to go to public school. You might also check to see if there is some kind of scholarship for your daughter at the school because her Dad is dead. Are you collecting Social Security for her? I would say that they probably have huge expenses and kind of overestimated having the money to pay you. Be nice. They may come up with the money and solve your problem. If you aren't nice, they won't bother to try.

Answer 5

If YOU decided that your daughter needed to put in a private school then YOU need to pay for it, not expect them to pay.

Also apparently nobody ever taught you not to speak ill of the dead.

Personally, if I dont like someone then I dont ask them for anything, that is called using people and I just dont do it.

Also, my son died too and I wish everyday that someone would come to the door and tell me they had my sons baby. Lack of accountability, they raised their kids. Why do they need to pay for yours?  

Answer 6

without know their personal financial details, judgment is difficult for anybody including you.  their commitment and then reversal seem consistent with their son's lifestyle.  future trust is not something you should give into without know details of each interaction.  

Answer 7

It's possible they have had second thoughts about paying or maybe they don't have the money and really don't know how to tell you , but either way they are handling  it all wrong..

If you have managed all these years without their financial help..I would say , keep it that way. Next time you see them and if they don't mention it , then just let it go...ask yourself  are they worth all the bother .

Answer 8

You stated that you decided to put her in private school, then told her grandparents.  Seems as though you were planning on paying for it, so you are in no different shape than if you hadn't told them.  They may have spoken before actually thinking if they could fit it in their budget, and don't know how to tell you they can't afford it now.  By the way, Christians aren't better than any other human....their just saved.