Adverts for expectant mothers?

Question

Often when I see someone who is expecting post a question I see replies from desperate folks soliciting themselves as potential families.

My question is this,...

Is that allowed here on yahoo answers?

I have been reporting them in the past but it seems nothing is ever done. That is totally unethical and just gross to prey on expectant parents who are merely trying to research their resources and find their way through a crisis. Just because someone states "I want to relinquish my baby" doesn't mean they are going to relinquish their baby. THEY ARE HERE BECAUSE THEY HAVE QUESTIONS, INDICATIVE THAT THEY ARE UNDECIDED. Back off and let them work through their crisis without advertising yourself! You give adoptive parents a bad rep,... and then people wonder why we are targets. As an adoptive parent I resent this behavior. If it's not against the rules here it should be.

Answer 1

I also think that soliciting for a child on the Internet is predatory.  When people are panicking about an unplanned pregnancy, they jump on the WEB and get a LOT of false information about adoption.  The agency propaganda is downright revolting.

I also think that by making contacts on their own on the WEB, some of the younger expectant parents do not understand that there is a big shortage of adoptable infants.  Implying that they can be very, very selective about who they choose to adopt their children.  Sadly, they get snared by unethical, aggressive trollers when they could have found decent people who are more ethical and who would be better parents and better adoption partners.

Answer 2

I am a birthmom and I went through an agency. I found a loving family and I have an open adoption.

It is a VERY overwhelming process. There are a lot of couples who want children. Then you hear both the horror and the positive stories and it's very over whelming. I met the adoptive parents before and then we went to the hospital so I could see how they were with her. She was a preemie, so she had to be in the hospital for a while.

It is the HARDEST decision for birthparents to make. It's an emotional rollar coaster and it hurts. It's hard when people are telling you things and then it's so confusing. I really took the time to find a family. People should not be rushed into making the most difficult decision of their lives. People are trying to find the best option for their lives and people should not write nasty messages or advertising themselves. It's a long process and people should let birthparents make the decision and not be guilted into it either way.

Answer 3

Thank you for that.

I too feel it is revolting.

Answer 4

I think its sick too!! very sick and very wrong!! It is illegal in many countries although not enforced as often as it should be. Since this is an international site, it should be illegal here too. Although its not illegal so to speak in the USA its very unethical and shows the true nature of those who solicit.

I'm curious what someone who has never adopted could offer a woman researching adoption?  other than to take the child, nothing!! Pretending to counsel women into a decision you have no experience with is ALSO unethical and misleading. Mothers beware! ALTERIOR MOTIVE ALERT ALTERIOR MOTIVE ALERT!

Answer 5

Actually, I think it *is* against the rules. When I joined YA I read the terms and all forms of soliciting are against the rules. Soliciting means "To make a petition for something desired."

One of the examples of against-the-rules "soliciting" was "Does anybody want to meet at Starbucks?" If *that's* soliciting, then certainly asking someone to give you their child, or take your child, is soliciting.

I've been surprised in the relatively short time that I've been around here I've seen people offer to adopt questioners' children. I've seen people offer their expected children. I've seen people offer their services as surrogates. So I don't think any "side" is blameless, but it is wrong *and* against the rules.

I've only reported one... and the question was pulled. Maybe more than one person has to report the question before it's really looked into?

Answer 6

amen!

Answer 7

Yep - it's very very wrong.

If I see it - I report it.

When enough people report it - it gets pulled.

It's up to the community to just hit that little flag - and make it go away.

I really appreciate you putting this question out there.

If an adoptee wrote this - they'd be slammed.

I see not many non adoptees are answering.

Sad really.

What's the chance of keeping baby and mum together - for if the adoption agency reps don't get you - the crazys on Yahoo will.

UGH.

Answer 8

It's against the terms of service. The TOS says no soliciting. Report every time you see someone doing it.... hopefully they'll get pulled.

Answer 9

I don't know if it's against Yahoo rules.

But it IS disgusting.  How LOW can people go?

Obviously, very, very, low.

Answer 10

I can't tell you the number of times I've seen a question from a vulnerable frightened and undecided young woman asking for guidance and support, only to be immediately pounced upon by wannabe adoptive parents offering to take her child off her hands

It's clearly predatory behaviour.  It's soliciting (against the rules of most forums) and It makes me sick to my stomach

I even read one question where adoption wasn't even mentioned as an option but the paps still chimed in offering to take the baby from them!  I'm shocked quite frankly especially when I see it on myspace where it's an obvious effort to target the  girls of 'childbearing' years

Answer 11

Ok, first off if it was against the rules people would be banned and are you people that pathetic to sit here and police yahoo answers and you don't work for yahoo answers so get a life. And technically aren't people soliciting by asking a question on here? I can't speak for everyone on here but the majority I see of answers like that the people are just letting themselves  be known. And alot of the questions the people are considering abortion. The last time I checked abortion would be considered murder and why not tell people if they gave it up for adoption they could give the baby to a family that the family would be forever grateful for because they can't have children of their own.

Answer 12

I think the reason some of these questions are not removed is because they meaning those working for yahoo answers look at the questions, not the answers. I think yahoo answers is more concerned when they seei questions like " I will adopt your baby if you are considering surrendering it."   However if an  expectant mother posts a "question" saying she might want to surrender her baby, that's not really a question but rather a statement and people those looking to adopt and those who aren't  interpret that question in their own way. Some offer to try to help by telling their own stories, some by offering links to sites they have found to be helpful and some who cannot have their own offer their information. They aren't asking they are responding I think thats the difference here. I do agree that an agency is the safest way, but I don' t necessarily think it's wrong to state that you are looking to adopt, especially if the mother is considering abortion. That's just my personal opinion and everyone is entitled to their own.

Answer 13

I have been reporting them also. I think it is totally against Yahoo rules. It surely is disgusting anyway.

...and I have to agree with Isabel:

"it may be because they are unable to adopt through the traditional means. Meaning they probably cannot pass a home study due to SOMETHING negative in their past or present. Be very wary of these people."

Answer 14

I second Isabel and Jessica's posts. I was one of those babies adopted by people who found an alternate route because they'd been turned down by every agency in town. The social workers at the agencies were right: the people who "got" me were abusive and narcissistic. Anyone trolling for a baby on the web, especially at a site like this, is suspect.

Answer 15

It's worse than men looking for wives trying to hook up with other men considering divorce - or hooking up with fathers thinking maybe their daughters should get married.

It's predatory and exploitive.  It goes WAY beyond soliciting.  It condones flesh trade.

Answer 16

I agree that it seems very unethical to me as well.

I am further disgusted by those whose user names are basically the link for their website soliciting mothers to relinquish their babies.  Or people who repeatedly list their personal websites as their source of information.  When, in fact, the only information the website supplies is simply to let people know they're in the market to adopt and to supply their handy dandy 800 number.

Report. Report. Report.

And please DO keep in mind that if a person is trolling Yahoo Answers in search of a baby to adopt, it may be because they are unable to adopt through the traditional means.  Meaning they probably cannot pass a home study due to SOMETHING negative in their past or present.  Be very wary of these people.

Answer 17

It is not allowed and I report each and every one.  I am disgusted with people who do that.

Answer 18

Well it is not illegal to "let oneself be known".  You said it yourself in your question, "expectant parents who are merely trying to research their resources".....I consider myself as a resource for them.  I KNOW that you would disagree (and probably all the adoptees on this site) but I really don't care.  If THEY are reaching out on Yahoo and letting it be known that they are considering making an adoption plan, then I will let them know I am willing to be part of the plan.  I dont "hound" them once I tell them, nor do I "follow up".......I let them do what they want with my "answer/information".  Why would that give you a "bad rap".  Dont you see,  just by the mere fact that you adopted a baby some would call you a baby stealer, while others might say that you should have helped the natural family stay together, if you used an Agency some would say that yor Agency "tricked" the birthmom, some would TELL you to adopt from foster care, and others might even say that you should have helped the mother identify resources so she can parent herself.  Why should you care what other people think about your life choices....if you are getting a bad rap it is not because I am on here looking to be connected, its because you adopted ............Look, YOU CAN PLEASE SOME OF THE PEOPLE SOME OF THE TIME BUT YOU CAN NEVER PLEASE ALL THE PEOPLE ALL OF THE TIME!