Advice On Dealing With a Mothers Boy?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been going out over a year and I really feel

the relationship should have moved on by now. Despite the fact that I am

23 and he is 24, he still lives with his parents while I rent. We live

at oppososite ends of the city so seeing each other means commuting all

the time.

I would like us to rent an apartment together, but he will not move out

of his parents house. He uses all kinds of excuses, but mostly says he

doesnt want to waste money on renting when we could save for a house.

The fact is I know he will never do this as he is a poor saver and lacks

motivation. We have no privacy really, and I am wearing of the

situation. Eventually he agreed to move out and I decided to drop the issue and

wait for him to take the initiative. Well he didnt, and I have now

told my landlady Im leaving in 4 weeks. I told him this, expecting him to

tske the hint but instead he just said that I could still visit him at

his house when I wanted. It seems he intends to stay with his parents

for the long run.

I dont want to be pushy but we are in out twenties and I want this to

move on to a more adult relationship. In your opinion, what can I do to

get him out of that house???? I HAVE to move now, and I am short on

time.

Shadow

Answer 1

I totally understand you. I am kinda in the same situation, but we have reasons why we do not move in together. Him and I are still in school working on our degrees. It makes sense to wait until school is done and not have the financial burden of having that's months rent or even if we have extra money for take-out, books, etc. I came to realize the truth behind wanting to move out. It is the desire to be with someone. The love and all the great stuff that comes with the commitment. We have both agree to put priority than lust first. We later will have all the time to live together.

Take a look at his financial reasons. Does he make enough money? Is there really another reason why he would not want to move in with you. If he has given you the answer of "you can still visit me" then he is unsure of your relationship. If he was sure of his relationship with you he would at least try it.

Answer 2

Get another place of your own! Trust me....DON'T WAIT ON HIM!...I've been in a similar situation & the best thing that I could have done would have been NOT 2 WAIT ON THE OTHER PERSON!!!! Get a place where u can totally afford the rent alone, then if he decides that he wants 2 foot half of the rent?!....Let him move in, but only if u feel that he is responsible enough(I.M.O..It really doesn't sound like he is!) and if he proves not 2 be?! Put him out because u can still pay ur own freakin' rent!.... GET UR OWN PLACE!...TRUST.

Answer 3

The guy totally lacks commitment in his relationship with you..

Answer 4

Get a new apartment and a new boyfriend, even if he does move out, (fat Chance), you will have to be his mommy..

Answer 5

Nothing can be done. He must WANT to move out. Consider that you may not be getting the hint, he may not want to live with you (or anyone else for that matter). Time will tell, but meanwhile take care of yourself first and don't worry what he decides to do. You have time, don't panic.

Answer 6

why did you give your notice when you knew d**n well he is a moma's boy and not going to pay rent anywhere? Becides moving now, you need to also move on! maybe you will move right next door to a nice adult guy ready for a relationship and ready for you. now wouldnt it be nice to find some one else to share your life with. sounds like your present boy friend is a bit of a burden anyway. good luck.

Answer 7

I hate to tell you to dump him because I'm sure you don't want to and you love him. The problem is that he is being a baby and don't want to take a chance with you or something. I would draw the line though. Just don't tell your doing this. For instance, stop going out of your way for him, don't talk about the problem your having no more, and just start becoming more and more distant from him. Ignore him a little. See if he responds to this. If he don't then he worth it no more. If a person doesn't want to go out of their way for you in some ways- then they don't really care enough for you. Believe me! I was married to a guy for 11 years who cared more about his friends and his momma then me. I'm now married to a man who cares what I want- maybe because he really loves me.

Answer 8

My advice is to force the issue now.  He has to decide to commit to you or you need to dump him.

When he says he wants to save money, ask if you're renting and he's at his parents, then together you're playing one rent.  I don't see the difference between that and the two of you renting together?

If he really wanted to save money for a house, then you should move into his parents house with him.  

This would have two benefits.  One, you'll save money.  Second, he'll have to step up his commitment by sharing his life with you.  If he doesn't like the idea of you moving in with him, then either he has to move to share an apartment with you or you guys should split up.  While he's making up his mind, you should stop coming to his home.  If he wants to spend time with you, then let him do the driving.

Also I'm wondering what his parents are like?  When I was 18, my mother kicked me out and told me not to come back.  You might try speaking to his parents.  They aren't doing a very good job, if they haven't kicked him out of the nest yet.

Answer 9

run run run run run run run............ you'll never get the mama out of a mama's boy.  everything you do will be compared to how she did it and he'll expect to be babied his entire life.  find a real man and move on.  run run run run run run run......

Answer 10

Dump him, he'll never change.  There's plenty of fish in the sea...

Answer 11

And you feel you can't do better than him...why?

Answer 12

Move out into another house and politely keep bringing up the issue slowly by working it into everyday conversations...Tell him the good points and the bad of moving out and also try to get his parents to help you out...This might ust bmerely fear in change...

Good Luck

Answer 13

Oh my god there is nothing I hate more. There are so many guys out there like that- and trust me, his mother is probably jealous and clingy and making sure he doesn't leave. When are parents going to realise contrary to the belief that they are 'helping' their kids financially, they are actually NOT doing them any favours at all- they don't learn to be financially independant and responsible by themselves and also they become freeloaders. They also don't learn to grow where interpersonal dveelopment is concerned. Parents who let their kids stay at home (or encourage them to out of their own selfishness) only stunt their childs' growth.

You need to lay down the law NOW. You are the woman in his life- you should be number one he needs to 'cut the cord'. If you can- give him an ultimatum, you'll quickly find out just how much of a man he is after that. You need to do this so you can find out now before you waste any more of your life waiting. You could be waiting forever. You teach them how to treat you. Its not fair for you to play second fiddle in his life.

Tell him if he can't grow up and be an adult in an adult relationship you'll have to move on because you've outgrown him.

Good luck sweety.