Advice Please!?

Question

I have two little girls (4 & 7 years old) one who is adopted, my 4 year old. Well today we were all watching Jon and Kate plus 8, and my 4 year old asks me, "Mommy why didn't i come from your tummy"? I was completely shocked she knows she's adopted, i didn't know what to say to her. It's been bothering me all day, what would you guys do?

Answer 1

i think honesty is the best thing. Even though they are young they can understand. So just let her know that a special angel brought her to you or just something like that.

Answer 2

Little kids are very observant to things.  I would just tell the truth.  My 4 year old comes up with the most astonishing questions and my husband and I just tell her the truth (within reason).  She accepts it and moves on.

Answer 3

You should tell her it is nothing for her to be ashamed of. Go to the book story and look for some books about adoption for her age group.  Try to explain to her that everyone has a biological mother, but not everyone can be raised with their biological mother, so they get a new mommy.

You also might read this book - Talking with Young Children about Adoption by Mary Watkins and Susan Fisher

Answer 4

Hi Gina Marie,

I agree with Sophiakat.  I told my daughter she grew in her other mother's tummy.  I pulled out her adoption book which explained her life story.  She has pictures of her mother and we compare their features.  Just be honest:)

Answer 5

Be honest!!!!!!! Kids know alot!!! They hear what you think they don't. AN adopted kid does wonder who they really are even if they are loved. That shows by her question. Who is she if she did not come from you?!!! Well you need to never show or compare your kids. Even if you don't i'm telling you she does feel a bit outside and it is not your fault at all!!!! She maybe making sure that your honest an thats all she needs to know. Be comfortable with her being adopted. That away she can to.

Answer 6

Just be honest, don't make up any crazy stories because the truth usually comes out and the older she gets if she has been told anything that is not true she will be more resentful.  Make it as a matter of fact as you can and don't make a big deal of it.  Be sure to also include her sister in the conversations.

As she gets older, support her in her need for information.  Adoptees search and ask questions because they want to have knowledge about themselves.  This is a knowledge that non-adoptees take for granted and often times don't understand what the big deal is.  She loves you and will love and respect you even more if you support her in all aspects of her life.

Good luck!

Answer 7

I think what she said what the perfect thing to say

Answer 8

First find out what made her ask u this question. Then answer her question honestly. Do not beat about the bush, just believe in ur love for ur baby!

Answer 9

I would tell her the truth as simply as possible. E.g. "something was wrong with mommy's belly and she couldn't grow a baby anymore". Or "We wanted you to be our baby, but you grew in someone else's tummy."

Answer 10

Have you ever told her the story of her adoption in story form?

For little ones I find this helps. My daughter asks me everynight to tell her the "abobtion story". She is sad at some parts and happy at others, but mostly she is intrigued I think because it is her history.

I also find that they often need reminders as they grow. For example, my daughter asked the same question too me and I repeated her adoption story. She then just said "oh ya!" and was satisfied. At 4 they are just starting to be able to put the pieces together.

Answer 11

mama you jus need to be honest, the first thing you must let her know is that you love her very much, next thing is that she is a special blessing in your life and that a very nice lady lend you her tummy so that she can come in this world and make nana,papa,sister and daddy very happy. As she grows older then you can be more specific i have 2 adopted boys. An eight year old and a 7 months baby. Also i have 3 of my own,27,24,20. Sounds crazy but im starting all over again,i have a lots of love in my life and its fair to share it. So dont fear her asking question there nothing wrong with saying the truth she will learn it sooner or later dont let ask question elsewhere you are the only one that hav all the right answer because only your heart will speak the truth.

Answer 12

the bio child grows in the mommy's tummy. the adopted child grows in the mommy's heart.

Answer 13

As someone who is adopted, I recommend that you tell her that she is adopted. I've known since I was a very little girl. Something you could tell her is that she might not have been born in your tummy, but that she was born in your heart. Please don't withhold the knowledge that she was adopted from her- it would be too much of a shock later. Just be honest with her. Adoption is a wonderful thing!

Best wishes!

Answer 14

Tell her that sometimes mommies and daddies are not always blessed enough to have children like her from their tummies so they have to be special ordered.