Question:

Advice for any one who has parents who smoke and drink a lot.?

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okay so my dad goes to be drunk every night. but i don't really like to pay attention to him when he is. and he smokes a lot too. my sister said he drinks a 18 pack every day. and he spends like 100 something in beer and cigarettes every day. he goes to bed coughing, is this normal, him coughing. if so why. I'm only 17. how can i deal with this, he gets alot meaner when hes like this. i ignore him. i don't want to like out lash and him yell and scream. because i know he will. but what can i do. nothing. tips, advice. its very appreciated.

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  1. Sounds like your father is an alcoholic and is in need of help. There are support groups like Al-a-Non that you can attend to help you cope with this at home. The coughing is not normal and he may have developed Emphysema from the smoking. Yelling will only make things worse. God Bless you and give Alanon a call ok?


  2. if you yell at him, like any parent, he'll give you the same old 'you live under my roof' argument.

    if he doesn't want help there is not much to do ..

    even Dr.Phil had a dad like that ..

    alcohol screws up a brain real fast ..

    just don't try to be a super hero

  3. Sweetie, I truly feel your pain, but there isn't anything you can do to change your dad's mind about this. People that drink every single day and average over two packs of cigarettes a day are addicts. You try to take these things away from a person who is in denial and says that they don't need help, and you are going to be facing someone very ugly, hateful, and potentially very dangerous.

    It's a shame that your dad isn't worried about what his second

    -hand smoke is doing to the two of you. If its possible, try to understand that your dad is hooked and until you are legally old enough to move out of his place, the only thing you can do is call CPS and say that he stays drunk, chain smokes like a chimney and perhaps they may take you out of that awful environment. If you try to confront your dad, all he is going to do is deny everything and get madder than he!! at you.

    Talking to someone at Al-Anon is a good idea, but it would be

    so much better for you if you and your sister went to live with a close relative. This is not a good environment for children or teenagers to live in and it is probably not safe for you to remain there. If an emergency arose, there isn't anything that

    your dad could do to help you because he would be so drunk

    he couldn't possibly realize that you needed some help.

    Do you have a teacher or school counselor you could talk to about your dad? They might be able to intervene and get you and your sister out of that environment before it has any further adverse effects on your health and mentally takes its toll on the two of you.

    Alcohol is a sickness just like being Bipolar. It takes a lot of work and time to cure someone in this type of situation. Some

    folks simply cannot and do not want to be rehabilitated or helped...they are selfish and want to continue just as they are doing. And that certainly isn't you or your sister's fault.

    All you can do can do is either continue putting up with this, go live with a relative or call Childrens Protective Services since your dad is not being a good role model for you and he isn't providing for you or your sister's needs. Alcoholics get to where they will do just like a junkie when they need their "fix." And your dad could potentially but unintentionally hurt you or your sister one day.

    I know you just want to help your dad and that you love him, but until he decides that he needs help, there is nothing you can do to force him to stop drinking and smoking.  The more your dad smokes, the bigger the chances will become of him developing Asthma, Emphysema or Lung Cancer and his constant smoking is what is causing him to cough so much.

    Plus your dad is exposing you and your sister to second-hand

    smoke which has been proven to be equally dangerous and harmful to you and your sister. I know that living like this can make you sad, but you have to be the adult and put you and your sister's welfare and needs above your dad's needs.

    I hope that I have been of some help to you, hun!  Best of luck to you and your sister!!  I'm really sorry that you are having to endure this kind of life.   ♥

  4. You should try sitting him down when he is not drunk and tell him. Look your drinking scares me. Not only do i fear for you and your health but you get really mean when you drink or something along those lines. For parents to do this it is wrong. He needs to be made aware of that.  

  5. I also had a father that was an alcoholic and smoker till the day he died (which had nothing to do with his alcoholism) My father raised me by himself so I grew up knowing nothing but that. Nothing you say or do will change what he does is what I learned.He can not help but drink and smoke now it doesn't mean he loves you any less no matter what . It is now pretty much beyond his control until he decides to go get help from professionals which can help him from seizing. And to top it off he was also a mean drunk all you can do is go into another room and try to avoid him at your age. Just remember to love him unconditionally because you never know about tomorrow and no matter what he did I always loved him and when I grew up and he lived with me I always worried about him when he wasn't home, but I made the rule at my house he couldn't be drunk (of course he drank but alcohol doesn't effect them as it does a normal person) So all I can do is say be patient and when you can move out I know it has to be hard watching your day do this to himself but it will get better for you ,soon you can move and will not have to watch this day in day out. I wish you the best of luck, and if you do not have a good friend to talk to, alateen would probably be good (although I never went) and my dad coughed up a lung everyday and spit this nasty stuff up every morning but when they did his autopsy he didn't have anything wrong with him I guess just a nasty side effect from drinking and smoking. Good Luck It will get better for you as you get older

  6. I am sorry that your dad is doing that.  The most important thing to remember is that both his problem and solution are out of your control.  You are not responsible for his behavior.  IT is very difficult to watch someone you love hurt themselves, but, unfortunately, usually the last person to know they have a problem is the person with the problem.  There is really nothing you can say or do to help him, however, there is ALOT you can do to help yourself.  There are a lot of programs - Alateen, Alanon, etc.. that help people who are living with a person they love with a substance abuse or alcohol problem.  If possible, I suggest checking one of these out.

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