Advice for getting along with mom.

Question

I'm 21 and still live with my mom. I have a job and am saving a lot of money but won't be able to afford to move out for another year or two. My mom is always in my business and trying to tell me what to do. She says she's just giving me advice but it comes out like she's giving me a command instead. I have to vacuum, dust, etc. while she just lays back on the sofa and does nothing. She always has an excuse for not cleaning *such as I have a headache, etc.) I take care of the outside (cutting the grass, mulching, etc.) and don't feel like I should have to clean the inside too. She really likes having control of me and I'm sure she'll be sad when I leave because she won't be able to control me anymore. I'm a very clean person and my room is perfect but if I forgot to make my bed one day she has a fit. I'm very polite and hardly ever argue with her but it's getting harder and harder to hold back and I'm getting depressed. Can you give me some advice on how to get along with her until I can move out?

Answer 1

Its tricky for you, because you are an adult now, and your seeing yourself as equal to your mother, however when you live in her home (rent or no rent) she gets to pull the strings. Shes allowed to make excuses and not do anything, and shes allowed to make you work hard while your living under her roof. It does suck sometimes, but you just have to grin and bear it im afraid. Its great that your earning and saving, and that your planning for the future, and Im sure your mum will see how good that is, your situation now is only temporary, and you are kinda lucky to be allowed to live at home at your age, some parents wouldnt accept it for whatever reason. Making sure your mum gets the benefits of having you around should improve your relationship with her, like having proper conversations, so she can actually see you not only as her son but as an adult whos company she enjoys :)

Answer 2

you should move in with a friend or realitive or cousin or something, thats just some BS.

Answer 3

I think you need to sit down and have a talk with your mom.  I don't know what kind of financial arrangements you have with her (i.e., rent, food, etc.) but it's time to be honest and tell her how you are feeling.  If she isn't charging you for rent or food, then she may feel that your chores are payment.

It may be time to explain that, at 21, you will always value her advice, but you'd prefer that she wait until you ask her for advice.  Perhaps you and she can make the move towards "roommates" instead of "mom and child", and come up with an agreement as to who does what around the house.

If not, then no matter how much money you are saving -- it may not be worth it.  

Answer 4

humble yourself, that's your mom. u have to always show her respect. believe or not your mom shouldn't have to lift a finger. let her relax, while she can. time changes everything. one day you r going to be a mom w/ a daughter living @ home @ 21.

Answer 5

I have a question for you. Are you paying your mom rent to live there or just staying there? If you are not paying rent than honestly I would think that you should help out around the house. It's your home too and cleaning it is part of living there. If you had your own apartment/house you would clean it too. You need to talk to your mom and explain your feelings. Or find a friend and get a place with a roommate.