Advice for husband/ daughter??

Question

I had just asked a few questions about my aughter and husband. I got alot of great answers, but need alittle more advice.Its a long story, but Ill get to the point.My daughter is 10, shes my step.I consider her as my own. Shes getting out of control.How do I get my husband to take chrage? How do get get him to get out denial of the things she does?? He will NOT disapline her. Shes headed towards a very bad path. Shes 10 and showing boys her b***s. Shes down right rotten to everyone. She tries to hurt people and refuses to listen to anyone because her parents wont displaine her in any way. Hes in denial, and avvoids anything she does, he doesnt believe she does any wrong, but shes getting out of control.I treat her as my own, and the only form of disapline she gets is from me,so of course in her mind im the bad one, and she doesnthave to listen to me.He doesnt want to believe she does any wrong. I have a one yer old, and will treat both the same way, thats not even an issue. CONTINUED!!

Answer 1

1. one thing that stuck out to me is that even though you "consider her as my own" you obviously aren't disiplining her. if this was YOUR biological daughter, lets hope you would. and you say that "she doesn't have to listen to me" make her. you don't have to sit and lecture but you can take away privlidges. next time she does something wong, tell her that the b-day party her friend is having isn't gonna happen or that movie the family was going to go see is being replaced by a night at home.

2. She lacks any stablitiy in her life. Her parents aren't together, she has gained a half-sibling in the last year, and you "have tried every approach" by trying to be the parent, the friend, the step-mom, etc you are confusing her. decide right now who you want to be. if you want to be the friendly step-parent who she will look back on and think of as weak but "fun" go for it. i would recommend being the stern but loving step-parent because although she will hate you now, she will look back and thank you for making the choices that her parents are too weak to make.

3. get her and her dad to go to family counseling. most 10 yo girls don't go off and reveal themselves. counseling can help her behave better, you react better, and your husband get some guts and stand up to his little girl.

Answer 2

I would just beat her ***. If he gets mad , he gets mad. Threatin him.

Answer 3

Why is the 10 year old spending more time with you than with him?  That's probably the first thing that needs to be changed.

If he's refusing to acknowledge her bad bahavior, maybe you should refuse to be put in a position where you need to deal with her bad behavior.

She's his child, not yours.  It's admirable that you want to be a mother to her, but step-back and make HIM take responsibility as her parent, which is what he should be doing anyway.

Answer 4

He is wrong and get them into counseling fast.  They could take his daughter away for not making her mind!

Answer 5

Well I realize you will treat them the same but will you discipline them the same. You need to sit down and talk to your husband about this because his denial is not going to make her bad behavior go away. If it is agreed that you can as well discipline your step daughter then I would do it. Dont give her any slack. She may think you are a horrible person but not correcting her is not doing her any justice. Now the b***s thing would scare me. Now that I would so spank her butt over. Talk to her give her lots of positive attention and tell your husband if he doesn't step up to her behavior not to be surprised when his daughter walkes up to him when shes 14 or 15 and says dad I'm pregnant. Maybe that will open his eyes...

Answer 6

You're the step parent.  key word in there is not step but parent.  when you married your husband, that gave you the right to lay down rules and discipline if necessary in your house.  if she's doing those things while she's at your house, then take action.  if your husband can't see reason, then he's not the one for you.  that's when it becomes time for him to choose between you and his daughter. she (the daughter), will respect you for it one day.  and I know that's hard to realize now, but it's true.  you could be the turning point in her life.  her only voice of reason.  good luck to you.