Advice for proving that I love my wife?

Question

My wife and I have been married for 4 years now. Were high school sweet hearts and we now have two kids. I love my wife and kids dearly, they have helped me to actually have a life and goals to stride for. My wife always tells me that she thinks that I dont love her, I dont take her out and do things as much as I used to do when we first got married and didnt have kids. I love her very much, when I was growing I wasnt exposed to affectionate parents, so my way of showing that I love her is helping her with the house and kids. I give her kisses and tell her I love her but she still keeps telling me that she feels like something is always missing and that she doesnt feel my love. I dont mean to get too detailed but our s*x life is great we still make love, but as I said she always says that something is missing. I dont know what else to do to please her emotionally, I feel like as a guy that I have done everything that a man could do for a wife to make her happy. If you comment to this please be respectful and no stupid comments.

Answer 1

One solution -

Get a baby sitter for the weekend and take your wife away for a romantic weekend.

Rekindle the flame, go all out to shower her with love and affection.

If a weekend away is not possible, plan a romantic picnic somewhere for an evening, with some wine and her fav foods.

Answer 2

According to this book (cited below in the website), there are five languages of love. We all speak the 5 languages though some are more dominant in us than others. The languages are: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch..From your comment above, you appear more like a person who shows love through acts of service-helping out with the kids and in the house. Maybe she prefers words of affirmation, a little compliments now and then, like you look pretty or i love the way you did your hair. Or she would like some quality time, something romantic just the two of you, where you'll shower her with compliments, a little physical touch not just kissing her or a give her a surprise gift.. Look into yourself and see which language is not being spoken and compensate.

Maybe its compliments or quality time or gifts, ( you did not mention doing any of these in your question). The site has a sample love language quiz to discover which your dominant language is, I assume you've been with your wife long enough to do that part of the test and figure out which is her dominant language or you could do it together..

hope that helps

Answer 3

There isn't much more that you can do to prove that you love her.  Ask her if she is happy being married to a man who loves her enough to help her with the kids and the housework.  Tell her that you love her enough to come straight home from work and help her.  Enough to provide for her and the kids.  Enough to be faithful to her.  Maybe she feels like she missed having other relationships.  If that is the case, maybe she should talk to her clergyman if she is religious, or a doctor.  Someone needs to help her see that she has a great life.  She needs to finish growing up and understand that when you have children, you cannot always go out and have fun.  Sometimes there just isn't enough money for fun and meals.   If you live close to your or her parents, perhaps they would babysit so you could have an occasional night out.  Or trade babysitting with trusted friends.  Good Luck.

Answer 4

my dad has been married for over 18 years and they r really happy with each other....n he told me and my husband that just do all the lil things u did when u guys where dating....well me and my husband have just keept doing that n were fine.....just do the things u did for her before, good luck

Answer 5

Ask her what she expects from you.  Maybe she doesn't feel loved because things aren't happening the way she expected/planned for them to.

Answer 6

Do I remember when I had my children.  Life changed and I had to fight with myself to get my emotions back under control and then to realize that there was a life outside of the kids.  Eventually I learned to have it all back in my life.

Keep supporting your wife.  Keep enjoying your children.   And have you taken some time to let grandparents or other loving caregivers take your children for a few hours and you just spend time with your wife?  

What about a picnic or a dinner out?  It doesn't have to be expensive or fancy - just in a place where you can rekindle the romance before children.

We all want love & belonging, power & competency, fun and freedom in our lives.  You can help her to meet these needs by having a good discussion about what she is missing.  I find a good question to ask is "If you had a magic wand and could wave it, what would you wish for?"  From that you can have a discussion about how you can make positive changes to your marriage.

Answer 7

Maybe some unexpected flowers now and again. Set up a Saturday night. Find a sitter and take her out to her favorite restaurant. Hold her hand when you are walking beside her or sitting next to her in the car. Give her a kiss on the top of her head as you walk behind her chair. If you are across the room from her at some family function, blow her a kiss or wink at her. Hug her in the morning before you leave for the day, look in her eyes tell her you love her and kiss her.

(this is how my husband and I act towards each other - we're almost on year 10 of our marriage)

Answer 8

You need to have a discussion with her and ask her specifically what she feels is lacking.  It sounds to me as if you're doing all the right things.  Maybe she's going through a period of insecurity or is a little depressed.  It's normal for some of the things like going out to slow down once kids arrive.  Maybe you could plan a time once a month or so that you hire a sitter and go out for a night on the town.  Really, it will be easier for you to work with her if you guys talk about it.  "Something's missing" is pretty vague and difficult to work from.  You really need to get more specifics from her.

Answer 9

all you have to do is ask.  most women are glad to tell us what to do in everything else so why not this too?   i'm sure that if you sit with her calmly and tell her that you want to make her happy, she'll work with you.  but you have to be willing to step out of your comfort zone.

good luck!

Answer 10

ask her whats missing, and provide

Answer 11

There is a great book called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I would check into it. It says that there are 5 primary love languages- phyiscal touch, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and gifts of appreciation. Perhaps you feel loved because you are being loved in your love language, but she is not loved in hers.

My love language is words of affirmation and and gifts, and so my husband was confused when I told him I wasn't feeling loved. I mean, he's taking out the garbage (acts of service) taking me out to dinner (quality time) and he is really trying. However, my gosh, once he wrote me a little love letter and brought home a little gift- I felt like the queen of the world.

Check out the book- it totally rocked out marriage!

Answer 12

try telling you love her and that she is beautiful everyday

Answer 13

She's probably missing face to face time with you.  It's like you're living together but not completely connecting.  Just sort of rushing around, taking care of the house & the kids.  s*x is fine but it's not the same as going out to dinner, actually looking at each other for a minute, talking, laughing over stupid stories.  I always feel more attached to my husband when we've spent time together like that just the 2 of us.

Answer 14

Is it possible that this isn't your issue but hers? Is it possible that SHE is the one with something missing? She keeps saying something is missing...well what is it? Have you changed your behaviors in some way? Do you pay attention to her and NOT just when you want s*x? Do you take her out for dinner or a movie once in awhile? Do you talk to her? Seems like you are more than willing to try if you just knew what it was she wanted. She needs to articulate her feelings a little better. Then just do it. Good luck to you.

PS some ideas (Been married for 18 years and still happy and sexually active ;) ) - pay attention to the little things she mentions and surprise her (concert tickets, or a special restaurant she wants to try or a rented movie she mentioned she wanted to see), hold hands whenever possible, PDAs are cute if they aren't sleezy, touch even if you're passing in the hallway, tell her she's s**y, hot, and beautiful (we get tired of being seen as moms) and you are so happy and lucky to have her, flowers are nice (the best ones I ever got were cut from the side of the road by my husband and 8 year old son) kiss her goodnight and snuggle every night. Listen when she is talking to you. Always say you're sorry when you've hurt her, even if you think you're right and you don't understand it. It's not about being right, it's about fixing the problem. There is no room for pride in love. (That goes for her too) ;)