Advice from military families, PLEASE? ?

Question

I am a single mom with a 4 yr old. My ex is still in the picture for her, and he is a good dad. We are both very broke though and have been struggling for years. I need a career, and some college so I can get something set up for life not just hourly wage jobs. I can't quit thinking of the military as an option. I'm an independent person, I'm in good shape, love to travel. They would help me with college, and probably a sign on bonus.

Obviously my internal struggle is whether I could leave my child behind to do the things I would need to. But if I'm at home working two jobs to catch up I'm no good to her anyway, and that doesn't give me room for classes. I love my daughter with all my heart, so if I can get set for life, is it worth the time away? Are they going to make me sign full custody over to the dad to join? Any advice is appreciated, especially from moms or dads with experience in this!!!

(would go for Air Force)

Answer 1

Pay attention.

First: If you want to retain custody of your children, you need to wait until the divorce is final.  Enlisting now, will only increase the chances of your husband getting custody.  He can make the argument that you're in the military and can't provide a stable environment for the children due to the fact that you can deploy at a moments notice.

Second: Contact your Air Force recruiter as your divorce is final.  Get it straight from the horses mouth as to whether or not you can enlist AF.  

Third: The Army has lots of single parents.  Upon reaching your first unit you will complete a family care plan which dictates what happens to your children in the event that you should deploy.  You can name anyone in your family to care for your children.  You'll fill out allotment forms to provide the caretaker with money to be used to care for your children.

Finally, don't join the military unless you're prepared to accept the fact that you will more than likely end up in Iraq.  If your goal is to go to college and get a degree, once you're divorced, you'll be able to apply for financial aid as a single income home.  You may qualify for more money seeing as your a single mom barely making ends meet.  There are also scholarships that are specific for moms.  Take a look here: http://www.elearners.com/projectworkingm...

Good luck.

Answer 2

this   so  hard  to aws I went  through  the same thing 28 yrs  ago

but son father  wasnt a father.They told me  i had  to give everything up  to  my  folks. Whats really wierd both my sons service

Answer 3

First off, if any of the people answering this question have not been in recruiting service, they wouldn't know the regulations covering dependency.  I spent 10 years at it.

Are you Legally Separated?  Has the paperwork been started for Divorce?

If no paperwork has been generated, it is a gray area yet you would still be considered Qualified.  

By being "Legally Separated", that pretty much puts you into the category of "Single Dependency" .    Also, you cannot have any legal issues pending prior to going onto Active Duty and Separation/Divorce Proceedings are Legal Issues.

Since you would have to put down each of your dependents on your enlistment forms, and by still being married, How would it look if your "soon to be x" is listed with a different address?  They would definitely see that as a big question mark.

I say, stop all legal proceedings.  Go into the Air Force.  Once you are finished with Basic and Tech School and are finally at your first duty station.... then put in the paperwork for a divorce.

Answer 4

I'm sorry to say this but you can't go Air Force.  The AF is extremely strict about Single parents.  You cannot enlist in the AF as a single parent.  You cannot give you custody for the purpose of enlisting.  Once a recruiter finds out that you are a single parent, they will show you the door.  If you lie and say you don't have a child, they will find out and you will get a fraudulent enlistment discharge.  If you are going through a divorce, they need to know that too   If you are already in the AF and then become a single parent, it is very different story but they will not enlist you as a single parent.

The Army, on the other hand, will take you.

Answer 5

so you you are willing to commit fraud by lying about your status, or delaying the divorce just to weasel past the regs?  and who will be the primary caregiver for your child when you deploy?  

AF gives out no bonuses for the most part.   in fact they are the hardest branch(save the Coast Guard) to get into period.  

Answer 6

by the time she was 8 you could have a college degree and hands on experience assuming you pick a job you can use later in civilian life, not to mention the pride of being in the military, and also in the AF i wouldnt be surprised if you could have your daughter live with you since she isnt old enough for school or anything and the AF is basically like a 9-5 job

Answer 7

Since you are still legally married, why not join NOW while you don't have to say you're single and worry about them not letting you in due to being a single parent?

If you decide to go Army, you will have to sign over temporary custody to someone (her dad or someone in your family) while you are in basic training/AIT.  

I think what you're doing is great.  The time away from your daughter while in training will more than make up for it by the advantages you'll be giving her - a stable career for you, education benefits, medical.  

AF isn't the only option, look into Army as well.