Advice from mothers who have adopted?

Question

I am 18 and I am going to adopt a child from Vietnam when I turn 25 (the legal age in Vietnam). I pretty much know the process and that it's expensive but money is not a concern to me. I am learning the Vietnamese language and culture whenever I can. I've always wanted to adopt a child but because I will most likely have a difficult time having a child myself since I have a medical problem I decided to make my dream a reality. Is their any parenting classes I could take or could you tell me about you experiences as a mother who has adopted? Also when is the right time to start the process?

Also please don't ask me why I don't want to adopt a child from the US. I have already made up my mind about what I am going to do.

Answer 1

How about from a father who has adopted?  My wife and I adopted domestically (US) so things may be a bit different, but our agency told us it takes one to two years from start to finish.  In order to adopt you will have to do self-study or take a parenting class.  My wife and I took a class offered at a local hospital.  The class was specifically geared towards adoption and purposely did not cover topics such as pregnancy and labor.  I am sure your agency can direct you to classes.  On a different subject, apply for a passport today.  We just talked to friends who applied for a passport in April and are still waiting.  Who knows how long it will take to get your passport.

Good luck, it is all worth it, I promise.

Answer 2

i wish you luck   will this child be raised by you alone?  if you marry won't the husband have to agree to this choice?  you are very young to decide now.

Answer 3

It takes a long time to adopt so I would go to an agency and ask them any concerns you have.  It took me about 11 months to get my son from the day I started but I did foster to adopt.  I do not believe there are class you can take just love them and teach them right rom wrong.  Let them be them selves and support them in every decision.  Go to the library and get books on parenting if you are nervouse and ask other parents for advice always listen to other peoples advice and then use your own judgement what you think what will work best for you and your child.  I have two kids a son who I adopted and then had a girl and both are great kids!  All kids are diffrent so you just have to be patient and figure out what works best for you.  Good Luck!

Answer 4

Hi hon.  You are awfully young to have things so planned out.  It sounds like you are very serious, though, and I do think you will adopt achieve your goal of adopting from Vietnam.  Don't be too rigid on your time table.  I became a mother at age 31, and I needed the extra years of wisdom and the stability of being settled into a career and marriage.  It is too early for you to start the parenting classes, or any of the actual process, but I love that you are learning Vietnamese.  Keep doing that and keep your eye on what is happening with the Vietnam program.  Read literature about international adoption.  "Are These Kids Yours?" by Sheri Register is a must read for any internationally adoptive parent.  Wait until you're 24, see where things stand in your life.  If you are settled enough and mature enough for a child (and to be honest, I don't think most people are at that age) start looking at international agencies, see what's going on with the Vietnam program and start your process.  Things change so much in international adoption.  It is hard to say what the wait times, program requirements, etc. will be for Vietnam when you will be ready to start.  Good Luck to you.

Answer 5

Kudos to you for opening your heart to adoption!  I understand your situation, as I too have a medical condition that prevented me from conceiving.  

I wish I had an answer for you about parenting classes, but the reality is that all parents - adoptive or biological - could probably benefit from parenting classes.  I was not prepared to be a mom - but that had nothing to do with the adoption.  :)

Good luck to you.

Answer 6

Start the process around your 25th birthday.  You could start gathering some of the documentation (birth certificates, marriage certificate if applicable, etc.) beforehand, but usually the dossier can't go to the country until you're legally able to adopt from that country.  If you started a few months before your 25th then you'd be ready to roll on your 25th.

I'm not going to slam you for not adopting from the US.  We adopted internationally & we also do foster care...and will probably adopt from the states someday.  God sees the world without borders, so don't worry about it.  There are children ALL OVER the world who need loving families.  Go for it.

One thing I'd recommend for any adoptive parent is to go through Elijah House Basic 1 and maybe 2 training.  

http://www.elijahhouse.org/training/inde...

You'll get great help in how to help your child work through and heal from the grief and loss he/she will experience as an adopted child (all adopted children have grief & loss issues to some extent).  It's awesome.

Check out With Eyes Wide Open from Children's Home Society.  I've not gone through it but have heard excellent things about it:

https://secure.childrenshomeadopt.org/Pr...

Another resource would be to go to http://www.tapestrybooks.com and look at the books available.  If you don't want to purchase all the books you're interested in, you can check out those you can from the public library and then purchase those you want to add to your own library.  If your public library doesn't have them, you might contact your state Foster Care system & see if there's an adoption lending library they can point you to (see if there's an adoptive & foster family association in your area).

You can also your state Foster Care system to see if there are resources that you can use to take classes on adoption.  They'll happily point you in the right direction if you do some digging.  Foster families have to get a certain number of Continuing Education Units a year...so I'm sure they know of the classes that qualify for that.  Your journey will be enhanced by taking some of these classes, too.

I wish you well!