Advice from parents would be nice, but anyone's advice would help at this point?

Question

I'm 18 and my mom and i have a pretty decent relationship. We've hit some major rocky points at one time or another but always manage to move on and deal.Recently I've had a curfew change which I can deal with and really don't mind.

Im supossed to call her anytime I leave somewhere that I said I would be, so I do. Well today I was at one place all day so I didn't call her. I told her where I was going before I left and stayed there all day. Next thing I know I get a call and Im being bitched out by her for not calling. Its like I've been here all day, so I didn't call. I see her point in why I should've "checked in", but now because of this, she's gonna change my curfew and probably yell at me in the morning.

QUESTION: How do I deal with a way over protective mother? I'm 18, Im a good kid and don't get introuble. Feel free to email me if you'd like. Im really sick of dealing with this b.s. and dunno what to do. Thank you.

Answer 1

I am a mum and I think you seem like a very honest and responsible young lady.  I think your mum needs you to remind her of that.

Let her know in a calm manner that you have been responsible and done what she has wanted.  She should now be able to give you the respect and trust which you have earned.

Do it in a nice way - sit down for a talk and maybe write down and read to her what you want to say so it doesn't become a fight.

You have been good to your mum and many teenagers could learn alot from the respect you show to your mum.

Good Luck :)

Answer 2

I've got a mum like that too. I'm 16 now, but I know she will still be like that when I'm 18. She should leave you alone as you are an adult now.

Best thing I can think of is just do everything she says and be nice to her even if she is being a b*tch. Hopefully you can get her in a good enough mood to leave your curfew as it is.

Answer 3

holy sh*t my mom was the exact same way, and for some reason she really never loosened up. my dad helped me out alotttt tho always told her i was 18 and i didnt f*ck up so i could do whatever i wanted. but she was against me getting married so i left and havent spoken to her since. lol but anyway...

just tell her theres things other people are doing that you would never do and that youre 18 now and you still choose to listen to her so you should get some credit for that.

good luck and dont end up like me and my mom

Answer 4

You are 18 - her baby is growing up and you are now of age to move out - this scares her and it sounds like the only way to "protect" you is to give you ridiculous rules and be overprotective.  

Talk to her, maybe rewrite the rules. Make a list and present it to her.

I think a more mutual respect for each other is in order as well - you are no longer a child and she shouldn't treat you like one.  Are you helping out around the house if you live there?  I remember when I turned 18 I contributed to the house finances (small amt. for rent along with helping out with chores).  

Don't threaten her with moving out - that will only make it worse.  

Good luck :)

Answer 5

my rents are the same way

just tell her that you were at the same place the entire day and if you would of called her if you went somewhere else because you've done it before. and tell her your sorry you didn't check in but you will remember next time to call her every 3 hours or so.

and ask her to change your curfew back to what it was after you tell her this.

its should work.

and just keep arguing your point until she gets the picture.

hope i helped =]

BTW I AGREE COMPLEATLY WITH PRECIOUS. SHE HAS A GOOD OPINION =]

Answer 6

I had a similar situation when I was 18 too.  I told my mom I would be better about checking in and she just explained that she can't help but worry about me.  I lived at home until I got married while I went to college so I made it a habit to call her around 9 or 10 p.m. every night I was out just to tell her where I was and how long I would be there so she never had to worry.  I didn't have a curfew then and she totally trusted me and wouldn't wait up for me.  Try negotiating that with your mom.  Also, for the next few weeks, be on your best behavior as a way to build the trust back up.

Edit:  One day as a joke, I call my mom almost every hour to tell her what I was doing like I'm still at so-and-so's house, still watching a movie, etc.  She laughed and got the point and told me to stop calling her.  It worked.

Answer 7

Definitely what nana said :) But I just wanted to add that if you both have cell phones you could just send her a text message now and then - still here, going to, etc.

I grew up in the 70's and I don't know how my mother did it. If she was still alive I'd have so much to apologize for now that I'm a parent. There were no cell phones back then and the last words she would hear from me when i walked out the door were "I'm going out" . I was a good kid too - for the times , anyway :)  I was never really anywhere - driving up and down the main street in another town but she didn't know that. If I was to re-do my life at 18 I would give her a minute now and then just to let her know where I am.  

Being able to call in just shows maturity. It's not "I hate this BS but my mom is overprotective and I'm going to get yelled at", It's "I need to check in - my mom worries" After all, you're 18, right? Take her out for lunch or something and talk about what you each expect from each other at this turning point in your life.

And I have to bring this up because my mom died when I was 32, not too long after I had my first child and I would LOVE to be able to pick up the phone to "check in" . Enjoy your mom while she's here - no one will ever love you like she does.

Answer 8

Try not to let this get you too upset.  She's just concerned about you and that's a good thing with all the bad stuff going on in this world.  It is best to talk to your Mom when you've both had a chance to calm down and have time to talk alone together, maybe over a cup of tea or coffee or even a coke.  Tell her that you now understand why she wanted you to "check in" and that you're sorry you didn't and will do so in the future to help ease her worry.  Ask her if she will work with you on this and give you a chance to prove yourself.  Tell her that you are now 18 and want to be trusted with more responsibility.

You have a mature attitude and I think that family counseling would be great for you both to go to together to help you both talk about these issues with a counselor that understands and can help you both come to some ways to deal with your conflicts.  I would look for counseling from your church, school, or ask around for reputable counselors that specialize in family issues.  In our state, some Children's homes offer free family counseling or ask for donations for their services.

Your Mom is probably feeling some insecurity about your growing up and moving away from needing her.  This is normal.  Don't give up hope....but be patient....trying to be a responsible parent is hard to do too and we hate to see our babies grow up and not need us so much!  Hang in there!