Advice....joining military/being a military bride?

Question

Hello all-

I plan to attend graduate school in NY in Jan., which is a 2 year commitment (I will be moving from everything I know from Florida). My boyfriend and I have been together over a year, we currently live together, and we talk about marriage/ a future together quite a bit.

Recently, he dropped out of school (National Aviation Academy). He is now working a POS job, just to bring in something to help with bills. We both want more out of life. It seems that I am heading in the right direction (as far as school goes), but I worry about him. I will be tied down to living in or near NYC for 2 years while he does training and touring around the world. To be honest I am not sure how much time I'd be allowed to see him? Is it once a month, once every few months? No idea.

He recently told me he is SERIOUSLY considering joining the Air Force in order to help support "us." Since I have been pulling most of the weight along with going to school he realizes he needs to bring home a little more bacon!

We love each other very much, we are young, and idealistic. I really would love to spend the rest of my life with this man, but the prospect of a military life truly scares me. I hope to have a master's in criminal justice in 2 years, and then beginning a career with the FBI or NYPD. He is completely willing to sacrifice his dreams (joining the air force is a serous plan B for him) but bc of time constraints with my moving to NY in a few months, he thinks it's his best option. I admire he is willing to do this, and I have great respect for all who serve and their families. I just wonder what toll it takes on a relationship...

HELP PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... I am so torn, and would love to hear from people who have been in a similar situation.

Answer 1

I am going through something slightly similar.

My fiance and I want more for our lives, but his job is dead end and my industry (mortgage industry) is so unable I can't get any work.

I am considering joining the Air Force, but my fiance wants to stick it out with his current company and hold out for a better position (which even if he gets, I don't think will be enough).

The Air Force has become my dream, and I want him to follow me. Him and I are at a crossroads right now. It is really hard.

Follow your hearts. He can go to Basic, you can go to college, after he is out of tech school, spend some time together before he is based and then decide if you want to get married.

Boot Camp and Tech School change people.

EDIT:

I just wanted to comment on the person below me. Marine life is VERY different than AIR FORCE life, the Air Force is much more focused on family (although the government still comes first) and people on base are not always broke. Smart Money Management is the key. You also need to take into consideration that if you live on base it is FREE and also you have wonderful free medical and dental, those bills a lone add up to A LOT.

Answer 2

Hi.  Hmmmm.....I don't know.

I am not in the military, nor is my husband, but I do have family in the military and I live by an Air Force Base, so here is what I know.

Let's say your boyfriend (possibly fiance soon) decides to join the Air Force.  YOU will then have to go where he goes.  Yes, there are choices of bases (per your job and your rank), but you still need to put in time overseas....Germany or Korea are two that I know of.  So....then....what about YOUR career?  

Living the life of an Air Force wife would not be bad as the bases are fairly nice.  However, if you think you are just going to be able to pick up and move and find another job....well, yes, you will.....IF your job is in retailing, banking, etc., NOT if you are working for NYPD or the FBI.

You two need to sit and discuss this further.  I think the Air Force would be a nice career....but the money is NOT that great for an enlisted guy.  

Why not try to talk him into going to college or a trade school?  There must be something else he wants to do if you said the Air Force is "plan B."

Answer 3

Absolutely don't join the military right now. No way. There is too great a chance that he will be sent off to Iraq. If not there, then he could be stationed in any God-awful place in the world. Though we aren't involved with the whole Russia/Georgia thing right now, we may be in the future.

Joining the military is not making a sacrifice for the two of you - it will be inhibiting your future and limiting your choices. There's little chance he will be able to stay in NYC with you. You will find yourself giving up your goals to follow him wherever he goes. And you will keep following him as he will be transferred time after time. You will probably never have a career in the police force as you will probably never be established anywhere for very long.

His intentions are good, but do not do it. I am a military veteran myself. I think his ideas of what will happen may be far different than the reality.

NYC is full of opportunities. Have him move up there with you and get any job there. Even a "stupid" job like delivering food or being a courier can pay well. If he has to work two jobs for a while, let him do that until he figures out what he wants.

Please, tell him do not go into the military. I've been there. Don't do it.

The military changes people, especially if you go to war. The PTSD makes relationships so difficult. I have a messed-up foot and will be disabled for the rest of my life from my stint in the Army.