Question:

Advice on behavior problems with a 13 year old, please?

by  |  earlier

0 LIKES UnLike

My almost 13 year old stepson pitched a fit yesterday because he couldn't fold his duvet cover. Instead of following his father's lead, he stormed out of the house but not before grabbing his cellphone from the basket that we put them in during the weekend. He comes back in and has his phone taken away and locked up. Then he is told that because of his behavior, he needs to be on a 12 minute time out. Instead, he kept on repeating things over and over again. We finally get him into the corner and he decides he's going to sit and f**t about. We tell him that every time he does something like that, we reset the clock. He's not having any of that and runs out of the house again. He came back and had to write lines about respect and about throwing his dirty clothes in the basket. See below. I go out with a girlfriend for 3 hours and come back to find he never went back in the house and my husband doesn't want to go running around looking for him. I tel him that I saw the boy in the garage and he's in the attic of it hiding. Then the boy comes out and his dad catches him and brings him in the house. He's screaming and flipping out and just going crazy. He woke my 4 month old son up from his nap. So we have a 12 year old and a 4 month old both screaming. One is scared and the other is inconsolable. My husband's tactics aren't being effective so I try getting the boy into the bathroom to put cold water on his face. He's resisting and striking out and I was scared. Instead he went back to the bed and I had to bring him a cloth but he threw it away. So the next step was to wait for him to calm down, so we locked the door. My husband decides he needs to try again but the boy ran out the window. At this point I was very scared because he's very strong now. Not like the last fit he threw 2 years ago like this one. I told my husband that he needs to take his son back to his mother's house because I don't feel safe. I told him that his son can not come back until he's getting the therapy he needs. More on that below. Now my husband thinks I'm being unreasonable. I didn't say he couldn't come back ever, I said he couldn't come back until he gets help. My husband thinks it was just a one time fit and I think it will happen again and will be worse when he's bigger and stronger.

My stepson still wets the bed. We bought him the pullups to wear at night. For the last little while, instead of throwing them out, he throws the used ones under the bed along with his wet underwear. He wets at least 2 times a night. This is the third time we have had to talk to him about it. Another issue is that he gets violent when playing video games. After a session, he went outside and pointed his toy guns at his sister, brother and his head and pretended to pull the trigger. He loves drawing war scenes and knives. We didn't allow him to play those games anymore but my husband let him again. The boy's mother is inconsistent and calls us when he's having a tantrum but when we call her she says he's not like that at home.

I left last night with bags in hand and my son because I didn't feel safe anymore. I didn't come back until my stepson went home. I don't want him here in two weeks.

I have no idea what to do and my husband doesn't see all the things that led up to today. He thinks I'm being unreasonable and not thinking right.

His last fit was because he didn't want to share the pencil crayons. He was screaming and squealing like a pig. I don't think he was doing the squealing on purpose but that's what it sounded like. He hid under the table for hours after that.

When we try talking to him when he's upset, you can't. He won't stop talking and having breathing problems.

My husband just attributes it to stress. What's he going to do when he's so stressed out he harms someone?

 Tags:

   Report

11 ANSWERS


  1. whup some ***


  2. I feel bad for your son

  3. first off you are dealing with a 13 year old not a 3 year old.if you tried to put cold water on my face i would do the same thing...you need help...i don't know what that is all about but seriously ground him to his room or take something away...it sounds to me like you shelter your kids to much...time out is for babes he is 13 get some real discipline...

  4. I understand that it is hard to deal with. But let me ask you something when your son gets to that age and through fits are you going to feel unsafe and make him leave the house until he gets the therapy he needs yeah I don't think so.yes it sounds like he could use some help but you also have to remember that he is teenager and emotions are raging get him some help try and be more understanding and bed wetting if he is still doing it than it is likely that he has a kidney problem or some sort of abuse going on with him. don't mtreat him like trash and set him a side because you dont like whats going on. and remember he was there before you were so you need to treat him like he is yours as well .

  5. This isn't his fault.  His parents are split up and now his Dad has other children with you.  Where does that leave him?  I agree he needs help - you all do as a family

  6. I say one-on-one counseling/therapy, and maybe family therapy?

    ... or boot camp.

    ha ha.. maybe he just needs discipline, and that might do the trick.. of only for a week or two.

    He obviously has some sort of problem. A boy of his age should not be acting like that.

  7. I am 13 and I rebel against my parents. It is very normal but this is not a very good environment for him. You are acting like he is 2. I hate to get angry but I think you need to treat him like a human not an animal.

    If my parents gave me a time out I would say

    "I am not ******* 4 years old!". I would run away if I was living in those conditions and probably start doing pot.

  8. Here's your action plan (as I see it)

    Start seeing a therapist. Its probably covered by your insurance, if you have it, and definitely worth it even if you don't.

    Also take him to his pediatrician. See if there's anything that can help with the bedwetting. He might have a urinary tract infection, which could be treated. The doctor might also be able to give him an alarm system, which beeps at the first sign of an accident.

    Look at the video games. Does he have shooting games? He's probably just replicating the video game behavior because he thinks its okay. He could also be getting frustrated just from being inside playing for awhile. Try to schedule a set time every day when he can play his games, and play with him. It will help his frustrations if there is someone in the room with him. It will also help you monitor the kinds of games he's playing. If you notice something objectional, talk to him about it. Tell him why its not okay to actually kill people in real life, etc.

    The next time he gets upset, forget the time outs. He's way too old for that.

    When he acts out, tell him what his punishment will be (phone taken away, grounded, etc.). If he acts out, tell him to go to his room, and not to come out until he can be calm. If he's not being calm, then just ignore him.

    Never try to put cold water on his face again. He was probably so worked up that he had no idea what you were doing. I appreciate what you were trying to do, but I would skip it next time.

    Just try to be as calm as possible next time something like this happens. It you and your husbands reactions that will affect what he does.

  9. no offense to anyone..but it doesnt sound like he acts his age at all...it sounds like your describing a 4 yr old. i think he might have bipolar disorder. get him a counselor...it might help.

  10. sounds like he has bipolar disorder

    or add

  11. I'm no child psychologist, but that sounds like a whole lot more than normal 13 year old angst.  I have a friend that has panic attacks, and although she's older and not as violent, the break from reality and inconsolability sound just like her.  Not sure about the grown boy bed wetting, but it's considered one of the 3 indicators of a serial killer.  I'm not saying the kid is going to go on a murder spree, I'm just suggesting it might be linked to a violent personality.

    Further, your husband isn't being very understanding about this.  While it would be difficult to ask a man to choose between his wife and his son, I think the circumstances warrant your demanding he seek therapy for the child.  No matter what he tells you, it isn't too much to ask.  You are not the bad guy.  This is particularly important with a baby in the house.  Your husband should go too so that he can better understand his son.

Question Stats

Latest activity: earlier.
This question has 11 answers.

BECOME A GUIDE

Share your knowledge and help people by answering questions.