Advice on dating a single dad?

Question

I am 28 years old, with no children of my own. I have been dating a man for about six months who has two young children from a previous relationship. I have never before dated a man with children. My issue is that I never know when I will see him, because he does not incorporate me into the life of him and his kids. I know that he may not be ready to introduce me to his kids yet, as I know that is a very important and personal decision. However, I sometimes feel that I get the scraps that are left over in his life. I know that his children have to be his first priority, but it seems that every time we are supposed to do something together he cancels because his ex drops off his kids at the last minute. I am not asking for all of his time, just not sure how to deal with the situation at hand. I get the feeling that he genuinely cares about, and feels bad that he does not see me more than he currently does. Any ideas on how to deal? Or is this just the price I pay for dating a single father?

Answer 1

6 months should definitely be enough time to decide if you are going to introduce the person your dating to your kids. Maybe not see them on a regular basis, but at least MEET them! He may not have introduced you yet because he may be unsure how his kids will react to seeing their father with another woman other than their mother, depending on how young they are. Or their may be something that he is keeping from you for whatever reason. You do need to voice your feelings to him- at least let him know that you WANT to meet them. If he doesn't respond, gives you a bogus answer, or still won't introduce you, then he probably doesn't value your relationship- in which case, you need to move on and find someone that will treat you how you deserve to be treated.!

Good luck!

Answer 2

6 months dating and you haven't met his kids?

Maybe he isn't taking your relationship as seriously as you seem to be taking it.

Answer 3

Maybe you should let him know how you feel; but at some point, if you're an important enough part of your life...he's going to have to be ready to include you more. 6 months seems like a long time to be serious with someone and not even meet their children =/

Answer 4

Ok, this is the sentence that bothered me... ". My issue is that I never know when I will see him, because he does not incorporate me into the life of him and his kids."

I can understand him not bringing a new girlfriend around his kids but that still doesn't explain him not incorporating you into plan-making- you aren't THAT new. Even if you aren't an active person in his children's lives yet you should still be aware of when he'll have them and when you'll see him next. If he cancels every time you're supposed to do something together then something is up. Are you sure that his ex is dropping the kids off at the last minute that often or is that an excuse to cancel plans? I hate to say this but I think you might just be a booty call. :/ He's not treating you the way most guys would treat someone they were really into. He's living two seperate lives instead of including you in his- that's odd.

Answer 5

I think when u are in that place where u r dating a single dad is hard but worth it. Sumtimes when u can meet his kids u can bond with them and that will u & him in a strong relationship.

Answer 6

It's not the 'price you pay', its your trigger for you to grow up and accept that sometimes the world doesnt revolve around you.

Sorry to be so harsh sweetheart - but imagine how his kids must be feeling with their parents split up. Im guessing your parents didnt divorce? Well let me tell you, it's the worst feeling the world having to go from one place to another.

Can you be an adult and accept it, and not make life harder for this father than it already is?

Answer 7

Ask him when he feels it would be appropriate for you to be around his kids. If you've been with him this long, it would seem that you're important enough to him to share his life with you.

Don't ask him to spend the night when the kids are there or anything, but just suggest everybody going to the zoo or doing something fun.

If he doesn't see you being invovled anytime soon, then maybe you are wasting your time if you see a future with this guy.

Answer 8

I think he is just being cautious around his young children by not introducing you to them.  Sometimes these situations can be sticky.  Just give it a little more time.

The best advise I can give you it to be patient, let your boyfriend know how you feel but you also have to understand his position as well.  A single dad who doesn't live with his children is going to want to spend as much time with them as possible.  Yes, that means that he may break plans with you at the last minute if his kids suddenly become available to him.  It may be this way until he is comfortable enough to incorporate you into his plans with them and not feel the need to keep you seperate.

I went through this with my current boyfriend.  When we first met, he was newly seperated with a one year old child.  It was tough in the beginning because there was alot of friction between him and his ex and at the same time, he was still trying to balance being an attentive father.  Like you, I don't have children of my own so here I was ready to give this man my everything and he had alot of cleaning-up left to do from his previous relationship and it did take some time before it all evened out.  We've been together for almost 6 years now and I couldn't be happier.

Until that point came, though, I fluctuated between feeling a bit disappointed on some days and being perfectly okay with it on other days.  I think the feelings you are feeling right now are normal.  The questions you have are perfectly rational and valid.  You seem level-headed and mature.  If this is someone who you are serious about and if he is a good man and a good father, then he may be worth sticking around for.  If he cares about you as much as you say, then it should get easier as the two of you get closer.

Hang in there and good luck to you!

Answer 9

Ditch him. Maybe he finds you not fit to care for children or he thinks you don't want him. or maybe he's still seeing his ex and doesn't want the kids to tell you in case the kids have seen them together. If it's neither of these than get a knew guy, he probably isn't as serious as you. Find someone who doesn't have any kids and start a little family of your own.

Answer 10

Are you sure he is a single dad and not a married one. I think 6 months is long enough to wait to meet the kiddos. Maybe the perfect amount of time. I would discuss this with him and tell him you are ready to meet the kids and see how he reacts.

Answer 11

some people are very cautious about bringing women into their childrens lives

it could be that his ex doesn't want it and is psycho

it could be that he isn't totally sure how serious he is with you

it could be that he doesn't know how you feel about the kids

yes single parents are busy--yes their kids are most important

why not try suggesting doing something with the kids?  Chuck E Cheese

the park

the fair

(you didn't say how old they were)

putt putt golf

whatever that you enjoy that you think the kids would as well

just tell him that he is an important part of your life and that you really would like to meet his kids since they are such an important part of his life

EDIT: so it's the ex and the routine---3 and 5 are bad times to introduce someone new but since the children do know you.

why does his ex hate you?  you and he were have been friends for years--does his ex think you were having an affair?  Maybe you could still talk to him about gradually spending more time with the kids and maybe it is time that you and he talk with his ex like mature adults.  If you are going to have a relationship with this man you need to be atleast on civil terms with his childrens mother.

Answer 12

Well he's probably single cause he mad g*y.

Answer 13

run away. run far, far away. i'm surprised you've put up with this for 6 months... you sound more like a booty call to him than a girlfriend...

Answer 14

i think you should talk to him about it. 6 months of dating is long enough to where he should be ready for you to meet his kids