Advice on dealing with biologicl father and step-father?

Question

Hi, i am having trouble with my partner and my ex at the moment. I have just moved in with my boyfriend and we have a baby on the way and everything is going great. The only problem is that my ex, the father of my four year old son, isnt really pulling his weight like he should do. It has never bothered me before because it was just me that had to deal with him, but now it has become an issue for my partner because he can see that im being walked all over. Dont get me wrong my ex loves our son and is a good dad to him, but he is only 24 and puts his social life ahead of our son a lot of the time. The arrangement is that he has him one night in the week and one night at the weekend, usually 5pm sat to 5pm sun. He will suddenly announce that he is going on holiday, without asking if i had any plans, or for a random weekend away with the boys. Its not that i mind him having a social life but its like he just drops our son without a thought knowing that i will always be there.

Answer 1

i am in the same situation and all i can offer is my way of doing things.  i live like the father of my child isnt going to have him, so i plan things around the theory that i will have my child with me.  then if he decides to show up then its a bonus to me.  when your child grows up he will be thinking about it more and he will work out for himself how much his father was there for him, compared to the amount of time you were there.  this way the child is not scarred because of the "not knowing" factor and you can plan ahead.  some people were born to be parents, but unfortunately some were not.  we just have to be careful to keep in mind that the child doesnt need to be thinking about this stuff at such a young age.  it works for me and i hope this works for you.

Answer 2

Sit down with him and discuss How this would be affecting your 4 year old. Its not fair on your child and its not fair on you. Perhaps suggest a different time, like from Friday to Saturday. If he can't pull his weight, its better that he is out of your son's life than in it at all

Answer 3

first calm down. if you have god it will be okay. Set up some time to sit down and talk about it.Tell your ex how you feel. maybe he can help out a little by not thinking about  himself for once.

WELL GOOD LUCK!

Answer 4

I have a similar situation.My husband got so irritated because my ex paid child support only when he felt like it,and he would make up excuses to not take our boys for the weekend.I finally put my foot down about the support,and now get it regularly.as for the visits,I told him that one day he would regret not making time for them.Hope it works out.GOD-bless

Answer 5

Take comfort knowing that the man you're with right now wants what is best for you! He wants you to be respected, and for your life to be easier. The father of your son, is a bum! I don't need to tell you that - he sounds like he never wanted to be a father in the first place. I think that if you don't say anything to your ex, your partner feels like it's his job to step in and step up to this guy - because your ex sounds like he's WAY immature and needs to grow a pair and accept his responsibilities. If you don't get a little mean with your ex, and tell him - LOOK, two of us made this baby, you need to be there for him as well, and that means occasionally putting him above all your little worthless plans. Or else, let your partner have a say. If you don't say anything, and you don't let your partner say anything, then there is going to be nothing but bad beef developing between you and your partner... it won't just go away, so this is something you need to talk with him about. (Your partner, your ex, both)

If your ex doesn't want to be there for your son, or take share in responsibilities, then take him to court - tell him you will - and get full custody with child support and that's it. Why should he have recommended visitation if he won't even take it? If he's paying you some more money, you can use that to get a babysitter now and then, or you can use that to strengthen the relationship you have between your son, you, and your partner. That child deserves some kind of stability.

Good luck.