Advice on disciplining DD, low IQ 5 yr.old??? PLEASE!?

Question

I have a 5 yr. old foster child that has been with me 1 &1/2 yr. When she came to me she did not know how to talk, feed herself, or express her feelings/needs. She was very violent toward her brother & our cat. She can do these things now & her violence almost disappeared. However, within the last 2 to 3 weeks she has started hitting her brother, and being mean to the cat. She has also started lying about practically everything. She started screaming in her bed last night & accused her brother of getting out of his bed & punching her. I talked to her brother & found out that she had fabricated the entire thing, which she eventually confessed that she lied.She went to use the drinking fountain at church & instead shut the water off underneath it. It's like she is totally regressing back to being 2... I don't know what to do, I have to watch her 24/7 . I find myself very frustrated with her, Time out is ineffective. She can be manipulative & use her dd for her advantage. I need advice!

Answer 1

There is a reason she is doing what she is doing, and she probably doesn't know what it is.  IMy son has an autistic spectrum disorder called PDD and he has some of these behaviors.  He has a therapist that comes out to our house twice a week to talk to him.  It free through our county mental health agency.  She is helping his teachers, me (and him) realize why he does the things he does and sometimes it's shocking.  Things that I would never have thought of!  Little changes can make your life so much easier.  (and hers too)

I would advise getting her seen by a CHILD psychiatrist and maybe a neurologist first and then put her in therapy with someone who specializes with children.  My son has been taking a medication called Risperdal for a number of years and it helps a lot with violence and rage.  He is also taking depakote at night.  He is difficult but at least he's not angry and violent anymore.  

Good luck

Answer 2

You are to be commended for the love and nurturing you are giving to these very special children!!! It appears that you need a break. Among the services that are provided for your foster child is respite care among them? This is usually available by so many hours a year. It's not a lot. It could be as little as 18 hours to as much as 90 hours a year. This is time you can use and I believe it is allotted so you can't use all of it at the same time.

As far as the lying, that is most difficult to deal with. Some children are  very convincing. Because of the inherent delays, it makes it more complicated. She cannot be trusted, therefore plans B,C,D, etc. need to be implemented. Yes, it will be inconvenient for you but if she is lying about something, you need to take her home where she will be deprived of a privilege for a certain amount of time ( 10-15 mins., she cannot watch her favorite program that afternoon or evening, no dessert). If she doesn't like going to church...I really can't help you in this forum with that issue. This regression is caused by something. What has changed in the family? What has changed in the environment? It could be something as simple as new curtains or as complex as a remodel, redoing the bedrooms, changing the bedroom around; anything that would not upset you but may have turned her world inside out.

Do develop a network of helpers who are willing to relieve you an hour or so a couple of times a week. You need rejuvenating as well. Keep looking up!

Answer 3

Inconsistent developmental patterns are typical with developmental disorders. So although it probably doesn't make you feel any better, it is to be expected especially since she has come so far in not only her behavior, but her language. It doesn't necessarily mean that something in her environment has changed although that very likely could be an influence. Her overall lack of language and ability to fully express herself could be the cause of her behavior.

There maybe something new she is feeling, experiencing or thinking that her language is unable to support. So without the knowledge of how to deal with it  she reverts back to the behavior she knows gets a result. The hardest thing may be trying to analyze her behavior to understand the purpose it serves in her world. Usually, it will be either to avoid something she doesn't want to happen or to gain attention.

Gaining attention isn't about a bratty kid, its about trying to communicate in a world that generally doesn't think the way you do. I would suggest setting up a system of rewarding her good behavior, with words of praise or things you know she likes, whatever works. Avoid approaching it from a punishment stand point in the sense that you threaten to take certain things away because this may only frustrate her more. Because in the end, she still cannot tell you what she needs/wants to tell you.

With a reward system, it may seem silly but just to establish a common ground and avoid further regression, you may have to reward her twice as frequently as you normally would or feel is necessary. Then slowly increase the amount of time she must maintain a particular behavior before receiving the reward. Give her an immediate and easy way to be successful and also a way to earn privileges.

I would certainly consider addressing it from the standpoint of increasing her language and her ability to express herself because as she continues to make progress in life, the level of language required to support the skills she acquires will continually rise. If she is in school already, she may be entitled to speech-language therapy services provided by the school district. I hope this helps a little and at least made sense. You are to be commended and dont give up.