Advice on family problems - troublemaking mother and dangerous brother in law?

Question

My brother in law is an abuser and I've always made no attempt to hide what I think of him. Trouble is that my family have always glossed over the way he treats my sister and act like this is normal.

After many years of protecting my sister from her own life choice (i.e., threatening to beat him up whenever he abused her) I stepped away from it all because I'd had enough.

My sister and mother both seem to think that its my responsibity to befriend and mentor her husband. I don't. My mother is a passive aggressive who, gradually, has managed to stick it to me by refusing to acknowledge or respect my wife or son.

My father passed away after a short illness. Nobody in the family (including my mother) was there when he died except for me. My sister did turn up when I had to leave after sitting all night withn him when he was dying. Despite my telling her to watch him for signs of distress she left him to go for a smoke. When she came back he was dead.

Recently the brother in law has started to make idle email threats which I have stored away until they get so much I can take them to police. He's not happy that I posted the story of my father's passing on my business website, which includes a magazine section. My mother has not contacted me in a while and I am glad. I cannot understand why she would not want to be there when her husband was dying. I know some people have different views about this but I can't get it straight in my head.

Now that BIL is causing trouble I have decided to amputate all of them. I've gone ex directory and never want to see any of them again.

Question is this:

Have I done the right thing or do you think I should subject my wife and son to more of this despicable family's treatment?

Answer 1

Hi.... I think you have totally done the right thing. You have put your son befor anyone else, which in your position i would do the same thing. You and your new family are what should come first, why have more hastle and upset in your life than you have to?

Good luck with your new start ;0)

Answer 2

I think you're absolutely right. You do not need this craziness in your life. When your sister finally dumps your brother-in-law, look for her and your Mom to try to put things back together with you. It's up to you whether you want to, but be sure and insist on reasonable behavior if you do.

It sounds like you have the right priorities and are moving forward with your life. I'm sure you'll be just fine. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

My husband & I stuck it out and put up with and subjected our children to the abuse from both his brother and mother.  In hindsight, it was a huge mistake.  His mother had farm land that he had worked for next to nothing, cheating himself out of thousands.  She left it all to the brother - more than likely because he was married to me.  It almost killed him.  We finally moved across the state and have the happiness that we should have had 30 years sooner.  You did the right thing!  

Answer 4

I think you've done the right thing by your own family.

As for your sister and her abusive husband, all you can do is wait until she leaves him, and the give her whatever support you can.  

Answer 5

Sounds like you made a wise choice. There is nothing you can do to make them act differently, and you and your wife and son don't deserve to be treated so poorly. Good luck to you.